What exactly is wrong with sex at a young age?

[Mirri Night]

The Keeper of Truth

Caljiah

If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and you love them very much does that mean you love them because you love the idea of having sex with them?

That is Lust, not Love.

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Do you love them like a companion and want to have sex with them for mutual enjoyment?

Again, that is Lust.

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Or do you puppy love them like a brother or sister or best friend?

Now that is the closest thing to True Love that you've suggested so far!

Now, I agree with almost everything in your post except for this excerpt.

Sex is a very integral part of love. You think that the sexual part of love is simply lust, but it's just not true for loving couples. Sex enhances the emotion; sex is an ultimate display of that affection. Yes, the puppy love is also a display of that affection, but mistaking a couples' desire to please one another physically for mere lust is a grave error.

That's not to say all lust is done out of love, of course. But it's important to make this distinction, because sex was once seen as the ultimate act of displaying love; in today's modern world, not so much, but I still feel that that is what sex is.

Anyhow, kudos to you for agreeing with me: There is no safe sex, and thirteen-year-olds just generally aren't mature. xd

[Shocked and Appalled]

in my opinion young teenagers mainly do it to see what it's like, because they are curious.

or if they are drunk, which can result in bad things.

[CGurp]

Mirri Night

Sex is a very integral part of love. You think that the sexual part of love is simply lust, but it's just not true for loving couples. Sex enhances the emotion; sex is an ultimate display of that affection. Yes, the puppy love is also a display of that affection, but mistaking a couples' desire to please one another physically for mere lust is a grave error.

That's not to say all lust is done out of love, of course. But it's important to make this distinction, because sex was once seen as the ultimate act of displaying love; in today's modern world, not so much, but I still feel that that is what sex is.

Anyhow, kudos to you for agreeing with me: There is no safe sex, and thirteen-year-olds just generally aren't mature. xd

Sex might inhances the emotion. What is the ultimate display of that affection is subjective. Sex can easily be selfish so it's more of the ultimate display of lust than anything else. I would say the ultimate display of that affection would be dying for the one/s you love. It's an error, but why "grave"?

If there is no safe sex, there is no safe anything. How would you know whether or not they generally are? Sex isn't that big of a deal, especially with birthcontrol, unless you choose it to become so.

[Mirri Night]

Caljiah

Mirri Night

Caljiah

Mirri Night

Caljiah

Mirri Night

Rape is not the only form of sex that causes trauma. They may be consenting at the time, but could regret it later. I'd say this is worse than if older teens did it because their personalities are also forming at this time, and this would be a HUGE deal to a thirteen-year-old.

I agree, rape isn't the only form of sex that can cause a personal trauma. However I also think that if someone consents at the time, it is their own fault if they regret it later. They control their actions. They could have said no. If they regret it... who is really to blame? Its certainly not their partner. A flighty person who so easily changes their mind is not the type of person who should be making serious decisions in the first place.

That's why I have a problem with thirteen-year-olds having sex: Most of them are that flighty.
With people so young, it's not about who's to blame as much as we know that this event is very likely to happen, and it'd be good of us to look out for their best interests.

I hate sounding like some kind of emotional dictator, but this isn't like the average bleating-on about repressing normal people, but children who will one day grow up and feel exactly the same as us, or maybe blame us for not intervening.

I don't think we should worry about whether or not they would blame us. In all actuality, why should we intervene? We imposed these rules ON children. They didn't ask for them.

I don't think you know many 13 year olds out there. Children are just as intelligent as adults. It is stereotypical and wrong of us to assume that they are beneath us in some way simply because we've lived longer. Their decision making capabilities are just as good as our own when presented with the same information that we ourselves have or know.

Education is a good idea. Teaching children about sex and consequences is positively necessary. However oppressing them by not allowing them their free will is downright wrong.

The reason drinking isn't allowed until a child has reached the age of 21 is because their brain is in the prime development stages of their life. They will learn the most during this time and drinking alcohol is proven to affect your mental capabilities in a negative way.

However sex does not hinder your ability to learn nor does it effect you in a negative way if you are taking the proper precautions and communicating effectively with your partner. There is no reason to ban sex for people who are physically mature other than to control them. If anything there should be rules for sex. Such as: Persons under the age of (X) cannot have sex with out the use of a condom and an alternate safe form of birth control. Such as the pill.

The choice to have an abortion should be given freely with out consent of parents to any child who might become pregnant, with an emphasis on positive because underage parenting has proved to be a bad idea.

Sex does affect your body when you are young.

Having sex for the first time is a huge deal for everyone (unless one is emotionally dulled to the thought). It creates an emotional bond between the two having sex, and losing that bond is something very painful. I would not wish it on someone too young to comprehend it. Having sex also stimulates your hormones and other chemicals in your body in such a way that your body reacts to it and needs sex more than it did before it had sex. I would also not wish that on someone too young to know the dangers of delving into a life of promiscuity.

Thirteen year olds are not, generally, physically mature. Yes, a lot of thirteen-year-old girls just started their periods, but that doesn't mean they can emotionally handle it. Their hips are not wide enough to give birth, and you cannot expect the emotional maturity of a twenty-one-year-old who has given long hours of thought (and who has had much education on the matter) into rearing a child in a thirteen-year-old. I'll get to the education thing in a sec.
Additionally, thirteen is MUCH too young to start taking the pill. That will alter a girl's hormones permanently (if she is healthy) and it will cause hormonal problems for her in the future. (Some girls do take pills when they are young but that is to correct hormonal issues as well as menstrual issues, not to prevent pregnancy.) Much sex-ed education beyond just "this is how you get pregnant" is given around thirteen or fourteen for the first time, but there are subsequent years of that education one needs to complete it and I feel most thirteen-year-olds simply don't realize all of the consequences of having sex at such a young age.

Additionally, I never said that we must oppress them (although I did accidentally imply that, for which I am sorry). I was stating my opinion that I think it's wrong for thirteen year olds to have rampant sex.

I don't know very many thirteen year olds personally, it's true. But I know many casually, and I can say with certainty that many of them are, in fact, pretty "dumb". By "dumb" I don't mean that they're all idiots or simpletons, but simply that they don't have much experience or perspective beyond their own enjoyment and fulfillment. I know that when I was thirteen, my decisions as well as everyone I knew then were based off of my own enjoyment or satisfaction, and not what was logical. With the trends and intense media there is now, which I see affects children more now than when it did when I was a kid, I fail to see their logical faculties working harder than they did when I was that young.

I simply can't buy that all thirteen-year-olds are as intelligent as adults, simply because a big part of intelligence is common sense, which comes from experience.

PS: The reason why I say children will blame us for not intervening is because I've heard too many kids who started on this road grow up and complain about bad parenting, that their parents didn't help them enough, that it was their fault they ended up in rehabs or as drug addicts or crackwhores. They may not be saying "Why didn't you prevent me from having sex at thirteen?", but essentially they will blame their parents, whether they realize it or not, for a lack of discipline.

I must beg to differ. I don't know when you started your period but I was 11.

I know a LOT of 13 year olds that are mature beyond their years. Ones that have made the conscious decision to NOT have sex until they are two or three years older. I know a lot of kids in their teens online and offline that have made both unbelievably intellectual and horribly stupid decisions. The reason I say what I say is because I know that if a child has it in their head that they want to have sex, they are going to do it first chance they get.

You cant stop them just by arguing about it or saying they aren't ready. They will do it with or without your consent. The most an adult or a parent can do is guide their children or their younger friends to making the right decisions. But who decides what is 'right' and 'wrong?'.

If a child is making a decision, and seriously set on it... the most you can do is help them so that when they go through with it they do it properly and safely. Many of my friends have asked me what to do. I always try to give them the best advice possible. First I'll give my honest opinion, and then I'll tell them what they can do to make their decision one that wont hurt them.

About the pill: I used to take the pill from the time I was 12 and up. I was one of those children that needed hormone adjustment. It didn't harm my system and only ended up helping me. The pill effects different people in different ways, you cant really know if its good or not with out the attention of a doctor.

Yes, I know you need to see a doctor for the pill issue; the reason why I brought up the pill thing is because I know three girls who all took the pills at young ages whose bodies were negatively affected by it.

Anyhow, I started my period at twelve, and many of the girls around me started between twelve and fourteen. Thirteen is the average I used. Plus, "just" is a necessary term because after having had my period for the past eight years, I am far more used to it than at thirteen.

And I know that if a person has it in his head about sex, he's going to do it. It's why I wish the media wasn't so intensely sex-driven, because a good percentage of sexual drive comes from advertisements and commercialism aimed at kids (and some from their own personal lust, of course, albeit I admittedly never felt lusty until I was about sixteen). However, children are more malleable than adults about certain decisions; if a child is feeling insecure about having sex (probably happens more in girls than in guys) they'll probably take all the advice they can get, which is why (on top of contraceptive advice and et cetera) I advocate not doing it until they're sure of it.

Your examples of young people you know are not universal. I believe it is very safe to say that there are more dumb people than smart ones in the world, and it follows that (in MY country, at least) thirteen-year-olds are not the most intellectually curious of age groups.

If I used the terms "right" and "wrong", I apologize, because I absolutely despise the terms and am an advocate of moral relativism. That doesn't prevent me from thinking MOST (do I really need to continue excepting the small group of people you knew?) thirteen-year-olds getting it on is both irresponsible and nasty.

[BlisSfuLL007]

its wrong because pregnancies can happen and then tp the parent doesnt have the money to raise the baby, or, the baby is taken away. that will probably cause prolongd sadness. an abortion can alson take place, which is wrong in the eyes of the church. abortion can caouse confusion and debates, and now i'm going into different topics. but, do you see what i mean? it just causes more problems and confusion.

ps. when the child is older and they discover that they were bacially a mistake, the can get depressed and things can escalate from there.

[The Keeper of Truth]

Mirri Night

The Keeper of Truth

Caljiah

If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and you love them very much does that mean you love them because you love the idea of having sex with them?

That is Lust, not Love.

Quote:

Do you love them like a companion and want to have sex with them for mutual enjoyment?

Again, that is Lust.

Quote:

Or do you puppy love them like a brother or sister or best friend?

Now that is the closest thing to True Love that you've suggested so far!

Now, I agree with almost everything in your post except for this excerpt.

Sex is a very integral part of love. You think that the sexual part of love is simply lust, but it's just not true for loving couples. Sex enhances the emotion; sex is an ultimate display of that affection. Yes, the puppy love is also a display of that affection, but mistaking a couples' desire to please one another physically for mere lust is a grave error.

That's not to say all lust is done out of love, of course. But it's important to make this distinction, because sex was once seen as the ultimate act of displaying love; in today's modern world, not so much, but I still feel that that is what sex is.

Anyhow, kudos to you for agreeing with me: There is no safe sex, and thirteen-year-olds just generally aren't mature. xd

sweatdrop Erm... maybe I didn't make myself clear. When I wrote that, I was treating it like that specific example was the only reason that some hypothetical person 'loved' someone else. Sorry if there was a misunderstanding.

Either way, you made a good argument... even if I did agree with all of it beforehand. lol

[The Keeper of Truth]

Big_Ass_Guitar_Gun

Mirri Night

Sex is a very integral part of love. You think that the sexual part of love is simply lust, but it's just not true for loving couples. Sex enhances the emotion; sex is an ultimate display of that affection. Yes, the puppy love is also a display of that affection, but mistaking a couples' desire to please one another physically for mere lust is a grave error.

That's not to say all lust is done out of love, of course. But it's important to make this distinction, because sex was once seen as the ultimate act of displaying love; in today's modern world, not so much, but I still feel that that is what sex is.

Anyhow, kudos to you for agreeing with me: There is no safe sex, and thirteen-year-olds just generally aren't mature. xd

Sex might inhances the emotion. What is the ultimate display of that affection is subjective. Sex can easily be selfish so it's more of the ultimate display of lust than anything else. I would say the ultimate display of that affection would be dying for the one/s you love. It's an error, but why "grave"?

If there is no safe sex, there is no safe anything. How would you know whether or not they generally are? Sex isn't that big of a deal, especially with birthcontrol, unless you choose it to become so.

Guitar Gun, I made an extensive counter-argument against you way back on page 75 that you didn't respond to; if you want to debate about something, go take a look at that.

[Mirri Night]

Big_Ass_Guitar_Gun

Mirri Night

Sex is a very integral part of love. You think that the sexual part of love is simply lust, but it's just not true for loving couples. Sex enhances the emotion; sex is an ultimate display of that affection. Yes, the puppy love is also a display of that affection, but mistaking a couples' desire to please one another physically for mere lust is a grave error.

That's not to say all lust is done out of love, of course. But it's important to make this distinction, because sex was once seen as the ultimate act of displaying love; in today's modern world, not so much, but I still feel that that is what sex is.

Anyhow, kudos to you for agreeing with me: There is no safe sex, and thirteen-year-olds just generally aren't mature. xd

Sex might inhances the emotion. What is the ultimate display of that affection is subjective. Sex can easily be selfish so it's more of the ultimate display of lust than anything else. I would say the ultimate display of that affection would be dying for the one/s you love. It's an error, but why "grave"?

If there is no safe sex, there is no safe anything. How would you know whether or not they generally are? Sex isn't that big of a deal, especially with birthcontrol, unless you choose it to become so.

Hahaha. I meant in "loving" couples. Of course couples have spats and feel selfish at time, but we're talking about a happy, satisfied, fulfilled, in-love couple, as opposed to a couple who could be in love and they feel butterflies and omg i luv havign sex wiht him. We're talking about mature individuals who know when to look out for others rather than themselves.

You probably think that sex is an ultimate display of lust rather than love because you also have been desensitized to the subject. I'm making a huge assumption about you, but it seems a trend to me that people who don't think of sex as a form of love are people who had a good deal of exposure to the concept of it being a regular routine (not that I don't agree with that, but there's a difference between knowing it's natural and thinking it's impersonal). Maybe this concept could be considered a sheltered one, but at least when I have sex I feel absolutely loved.

There is no "safe" sex because sex is never 100% "safe". Condoms break, pills have an expected error rate, you can catch certain types of infections and illnesses regardless of what you use. I don't know why you think the pill is 100% safe. I don't think of sex as a "big deal", but that doesn't mean I don't care whether or not I get pregnant.

[Mirri Night]

The Keeper of Truth

sweatdrop Erm... maybe I didn't make myself clear. When I wrote that, I was treating it like that specific example was the only reason that some hypothetical person 'loved' someone else. Sorry if there was a misunderstanding.

Either way, you made a good argument... even if I did agree with all of it beforehand. lol

xd Ahhh, that does clarify thing a bit. domokun

[Caljiah]

The Keeper of Truth

They may not be traumatized, but physical and emotional consequences will come. And, more often than not, they won't even connect their unhappiness to their sex life.

Physical consequences only come when the partner has something undesirable and has been deceitful about their own situations. I believe I mentioned before that the less experience you have the less likely you are to have some random STD. Not only that, but emotional problems only arise if you are the type of person that allows yourself to be affected so easily.

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I beg to differ. I know plenty of teenagers, and most of them treat sex like a game, and getting laid as a way to earn points. As such, they begin to see members of the opposite (or same, if they're like that) gender more like objects and less like people.

I also know plenty of teenagers. You might realize that I was once in school as well so I've already been through what you're going through now. If most of the people you know are immature and act like children perhaps you shouldn't hang out with them anymore.

However I would like you to understand that adults ALSO act like sex is a game. It doesn't matter how old you get you will always have your whistling, groping, loud, obnoxious men; and your slutty, whining, controlling, gossips for women. Age has nothing to do with human nature you know.

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You know what's sad? That I'm 14, and I'm disagreeing with you on this.

It may be stereotypical, but most teenagers are very childish, and finding a mature one is a very rare occurance.

Yes you are obviously 14 since you dont realize that adults are just as childish as children are. We're just too high and mighty to admit it most of the time.

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By Martel, how many times do I have to say this? There is no safe sex! No matter what pills you take or how many condoms you use up, the chance of getting pregnant or contracting an STD is still there. The only sure-fire way to avoid such things is abstinence.

You go ahead and be abstinent your whole life then. Thats you're choice but I do believe most of the population wont be following you down that road.

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Yet again I bring up the fact that signing the child up for adoption is a better alternative to abortion, mainly because someone doesn't get killed.

Adoption? Are you cruel or just ignorant?

Do you know how many kids in adoption agency's DON'T get adopted? Do you know how hard it is to give birth? I'm a mother, I'll tell you it hurts like HELL. Its much more merciful to the parent, society, and the child, to just abort it if you cant take care of it yourself.

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Apathy is death. In fact, it is worse than death, because at least a corpse feeds the beasts and insects.

Apathy isn't what I was talking about. Not caring about one thing doesn't mean you don't care about anything.

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Maybe because you were young and impressionable, so you grew up thinking it was okay?

Of course I did. It didn't hurt me in any way, how is it wrong? Please let me know with something to back it up besides your opinion.

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You were; this cousin of yours took advantage of your ignorance and used you as a sex toy. If you didn't ask for it, than that could seriously be counted as sexual harassment.

Even if thats so it still doesn't bother me. I liked being his 'sex toy' as you put it. I did ask for it several times.

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Maybe to your (You're spelling...> wink infintile mind. You probably thought that because these people were strangers and asking you questions that could hurt your cousin, then they couldn't be trusted; and your cousin wouldn't want to get you to do anything wrong... right? Yeah, right. rolleyes

I don't think my mind was infantile at the age of six. And were they not asking me questions that would hurt my cousin? Of course I knew they were. I knew exactly what we were doing and I even knew that it was illegal. If you think I didn't know you're sorely mistaken. Any child with a brain would realize that when someone says you shouldn't tell your parents its something you're not supposed to do. But I did it anyway, and I liked it.

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Pleasure =/= Emotion. Love is an emotion. Hatred is an emotion. Saying that pleasure is an emotion is like saying that the Five Senses (taste, touch, etc.) are emotions, which is not true.

True, pleasure does not = emotion. But does sex = emotion? No it doesn't. Pleasure makes you feel good. Is feeling good an emotion? By golly I think it is! So pleasure, taste, touch, smell, they are all linked to your emotions. The smell of pumpkin spice makes me feel all warm and gooey inside XD I get really happy. Soft things make me happy. Yummy foods make me happy. You cant say that your senses have nothing to do with your emotions. Thats just stupid and baseless.

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That is Lust, not Love.

That was the point... what you didn't get it?

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Again, that is Lust.

Sorry but you're wrong about the second one. Loving someone as a companion, in the sense I was talking about, is loving someone as a constant in your life, trusting them with your life and your problems, working through them together. Thats what a companion is. People have sex because they feel lust. But when you have sex with your companion its because you love them and want to make them feel good. You might not understand this yet.

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Now that is the closest thing to True Love that you've suggested so far!

This is definitely love. But its not the love between lovers. Its not the love between partners. Its the love between family and friends. That kind of love is special, but its not as special as the kind of love you can have with one person alone.

[The Keeper of Truth]

Mirri Night

The Keeper of Truth

sweatdrop Erm... maybe I didn't make myself clear. When I wrote that, I was treating it like that specific example was the only reason that some hypothetical person 'loved' someone else. Sorry if there was a misunderstanding.

Either way, you made a good argument... even if I did agree with all of it beforehand. lol

xd Ahhh, that does clarify thing a bit. domokun

I believe I could clarify it a bit more, if you don't mind. I believe that relationships go a bit like this:

Lust = boy/girlfriend that you'll probably break up with in a few weeks

Love - Lust = BFF (Best Friend Forever)

Lust + Love = spouse

...Do you agree with this?

[Cupola]

People between the ages of 13-15 (and even into the early twenties that i have seen), dont understand what love is. You have no idea how often people confuse love with lust, especially when they are in their teens and dont have alot to compare to. it is simply safer for a teenager to not have sex because of the emotional backlash of realizing that for the most part, they were an object. Some people take it harder, some not so much.
I hope that the people in this thread who are not in the 13-15 age range can understand what i mean when i say that you think about things like sex in a completely new light when you are older.
to those who do fall in the 13-15 age range or are defending their right to have sex at a young age: you know the phrase "im becoming my parents"? its true, you wont think the way you do for long. you will see it like an adult soon enough and hopefully you wont have too many scars making it across the finish line.

[ieathellokitty]

I personally am 14 Im engaged. I have had sex befroe and Used protection. My oppinion is that sex is more of an emotional bond, and you should be serious with the person youre doing it with. Or atleast have a special connection. You may not allways be togeather but thats life. I say its ok to have sex if you have feelings of "love" for ther person at that time. and if you do it safe.

[Caljiah]

Cupola

People between the ages of 13-15 (and even into the early twenties that i have seen), dont understand what love is. You have no idea how often people confuse love with lust, especially when they are in their teens and dont have alot to compare to. it is simply safer for a teenager to not have sex because of the emotional backlash of realizing that for the most part, they were an object. Some people take it harder, some not so much.
I hope that the people in this thread who are not in the 13-15 age range can understand what i mean when i say that you think about things like sex in a completely new light when you are older.
to those who do fall in the 13-15 age range or are defending their right to have sex at a young age: you know the phrase "im becoming my parents"? its true, you wont think the way you do for long. you will see it like an adult soon enough and hopefully you wont have too many scars making it across the finish line.

Your opinion will always change with time. Everyone's does.

But the finish line isn't when you become an adult. Thats more like the 'real' start. The finish line is when you're on your death bed ready to take your last breath.

[Caljiah]

The Keeper of Truth

Mirri Night

The Keeper of Truth

sweatdrop Erm... maybe I didn't make myself clear. When I wrote that, I was treating it like that specific example was the only reason that some hypothetical person 'loved' someone else. Sorry if there was a misunderstanding.

Either way, you made a good argument... even if I did agree with all of it beforehand. lol

xd Ahhh, that does clarify thing a bit. domokun

I believe I could clarify it a bit more, if you don't mind. I believe that relationships go a bit like this:

Lust = boy/girlfriend that you'll probably break up with in a few weeks

Love - Lust = BFF (Best Friend Forever)

Lust + Love = spouse

...Do you agree with this?

Its more like

LOVE + Lust = spouse. Yup. Love comes first.