I am composing this thread (and above poll) for the purposes of politely addressing a nagging issue I have with the Twilight series, written by Stephanie Meyer. Now, I have consulted the official sticky thread for their thoughts on the subject of my inquiry, and have gotten sufficient enough a response that I will now ask the general community for their input. As long as the TOS is followed, I am willing to allow further discussion; I understand that there are several (thousand) opinions on the subject of the entire series, but I would like this thread to focus on a very minute, specific matter.
The matter in question?
I would like to modestly propose a reclassification of Stephanie Meyer's so-called "vampires." Since they do not adhere to the conventional, or even traditional, descriptions or behaviors of vampires, wampyrs or nosferatu, I posit that Ms. Meyer's creatures are, in fact, an evolved variant species of chupacabras.
Exhibit A: Poor or sub-par social skills (i.e. predatory stalking, stilted conversational ability, tendencies toward physical violence as a means of conflict resolution, etc.) are indicative of the creatures' possession of over-active fight-or-flight instincts (which, if I recall, are controlled by the area of the brain commonly referred to as the "lizard brain" wink ).
Exhibit B: The source of plasma consumption (via human, cow, goat, etc.) appear to be a matter of personal preference and/or animosity. The Cullens, for example, appear to exhibit little animosity towards humans and therefore choose to consume other non-human sources of plasma. Other creatures who drink human blood? Well, they're probably just misanthropes who bear no ill will against cows or goats, or have some unfortunate allergic reactions to cloven-footed animals. Or they're jerks. Whatever.
Exhibit C: The "glitter" in the creatures' skins is obviously a more highly-evolved form of reptilian scales, conceiled under a thin veneer of what barely passes for an epidermal layer.
Exhibit D: Repetitive behavioral patterns (i.e. following obsessive pursuits, participating in ritualistic games, practicing bulimia, continuing useless hobbies, going back to the same job or school over and over and over, etc.) appear to indicate a means for the creatures to "blend in" (ala chameleons) with humanity, while still engaging their over-active "lizard brains" in non-violent activity in order to best avoid exposure.
On that last note I give you...
Exhibit E: The highly secretive nature of the creatures and their systemmatic avoidance of authority figures (i.e. police) are more likely due to fears of not only exposure, but also capture and possibly deportation.
Because, by all rights, chupacabras belong in their native habitat and should not be crossing any borders without the proper visas and passports (although I'm sure your average customs agent would freak out and alert the National Security Agency on general principle). Also, they definitely need their shots, especially if they have ever been exposed to potentially dangerous bacteria or viruses.
In closing, there's nothing inherently wrong with being a chupacabra in a people-suit. JUST ADMIT IT!
stressed
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There. I said it. Discuss.
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