[NPC] VP Diedrich
(?)NPC
Commander in Chief
Offline
- Posted: Wed, 02 Oct 2013 09:48:29 +0000
Good evening! Hello! I am Gaian President Diedrich.
Did you know that the government shut down today? Some people were arguing with some other people, and someone's elbow hit a switch and now they are all trapped in a dark room and cannot decide who should turn the lights back on. Luckily, I glow on command, so I can always write down my smart ideas, and I don't have to fondle any grubby light switches. This is why, in addition to my presidential duties, I decided to become the new Government.
Being President is tough. I have drafted many a powerful proposal to submit to Gaian Congress. Proposals for universal health care (free spayings for all, with no co-pay!). Proposals to end inflation and repair the economy (I'm not sure what an economy is but I assume it is like a balloon, meaning I only need to let out a little air and tie off the end). Only to have them all brutally rejected! "Sir, what is this? Are you crazy?" they cry. "Sir, why are you handing me all these sticky notes? This is a dry cleaners, do you have a ticket?" they protest. They rub their sweaty temples with their oily hands, so clearly distressed. Change frightens them. Nothing frightens me.
As the new Government, I will assume all the responsibilities that come with it. I will make sure we continue to keep the trees of our National Parks fenced in and guarded, so they cannot go on another ravenous murder spree like in the early 90's. I will get that baby panda back on Aekea's L33t Gamers, so he can continue to bewilder us with his impressive DPS. I will quickly restore the beloved GRS services, so all of your tax audits can continue uninterrupted, and my nice friend Ivan can come out of the bathroom already.
What is my plan to accomplish all of this? It is simple. I am Diedrich and I am incredible. I will accomplish it how I accomplish everything. Which is to consume as much carbonated barley, chocolate chips, and that yellow powder I found under the sink, as I am physically able, and wake up several days from now, still impossibly alive. And then, my dear friends. Then these problems will not seem so great.
Thank you for accepting me as President and Government! Please vote for me in all future elections! I will only cheat if it's possible to lose.
Good bye! Good bye. See you.
Did you know that the government shut down today? Some people were arguing with some other people, and someone's elbow hit a switch and now they are all trapped in a dark room and cannot decide who should turn the lights back on. Luckily, I glow on command, so I can always write down my smart ideas, and I don't have to fondle any grubby light switches. This is why, in addition to my presidential duties, I decided to become the new Government.
Being President is tough. I have drafted many a powerful proposal to submit to Gaian Congress. Proposals for universal health care (free spayings for all, with no co-pay!). Proposals to end inflation and repair the economy (I'm not sure what an economy is but I assume it is like a balloon, meaning I only need to let out a little air and tie off the end). Only to have them all brutally rejected! "Sir, what is this? Are you crazy?" they cry. "Sir, why are you handing me all these sticky notes? This is a dry cleaners, do you have a ticket?" they protest. They rub their sweaty temples with their oily hands, so clearly distressed. Change frightens them. Nothing frightens me.
As the new Government, I will assume all the responsibilities that come with it. I will make sure we continue to keep the trees of our National Parks fenced in and guarded, so they cannot go on another ravenous murder spree like in the early 90's. I will get that baby panda back on Aekea's L33t Gamers, so he can continue to bewilder us with his impressive DPS. I will quickly restore the beloved GRS services, so all of your tax audits can continue uninterrupted, and my nice friend Ivan can come out of the bathroom already.
What is my plan to accomplish all of this? It is simple. I am Diedrich and I am incredible. I will accomplish it how I accomplish everything. Which is to consume as much carbonated barley, chocolate chips, and that yellow powder I found under the sink, as I am physically able, and wake up several days from now, still impossibly alive. And then, my dear friends. Then these problems will not seem so great.
Thank you for accepting me as President and Government! Please vote for me in all future elections! I will only cheat if it's possible to lose.
Good bye! Good bye. See you.