Celeblas_Lhugitar
Celeblas_Lhugitar
Celeblas_Lhugitar
Celeblas_Lhugitar
Celeblas_Lhugitar
The Conductor: Chapter One
There was in a large city in the 1920s, a locally famous conductor. He was a very good conductor and after years of study and practice had gained the position of lead conductor of his local philharmonic orchestra.
However, even after all his accomplishments, there was always one song that he could not quite get though without hearing some mistake out of the orchestra he was conducting. Usually, it was so small a mistake that he was the only one who ever heard it.
This conductor, in order to put himself through school, had made a deal with a local mob boss. The mob boss payed for his education and in return the conductor would conduct his orchestra in a performance of any song the mob boss wished for the rest of his life. Well, it so happened one night that the mob boss wanted to hear that one song that the conductor always heard a mistake in...
To be continued...
And so, the night of the performance came. He was about half way through the symphony when the conductor heard a mistake. Finally, he had had it. And so, when the performance was over, he turned around and addressed the audience.
"I am old and tired," he said, "and my skill is not what everyone says it is. I will therefore be retiring after tonight's performance."
The mob boss was in attendance, of course, and had brought along several lackies. He waved a hand at one of them and the lackie stood up, quickly.
"You can't!" he shouted to the conductor. "Your skill is everything we say!"
And it was then that the conductor pulled out a gun and shot the lackie. Even the mob boss was so stunned that he could do nothing.
To be continued...
Well, with so many eye-witnesses, it was a foregone conclusion that the conductor was going to be arrested, tried, and convicted. And so, he was. On the day he was to be sentenced, he was brought before the judge who sentenced him to the electric chair.
The conductor was granted a final request, however.
"May I please have 14 slightly green bananas on a silver platter?" he asked his executioners. And they brought it for him. And so, this was his last meal before he was strapped into the chair and the switch was thrown.
Miraculously, however, he survived. The executioners were about to throw the switch again when the conductor's lawyer stepped in (of course, he had been payed for by the mob boss who didn't want to lose his favorite conductor) claiming that the sentence had been carried out and that it was illegal to carry it out twice.
So, with nothing else they could do, the conductor was released. He triumphantly walked out the the prison only to find the mob boss waiting for him...
To be continued...
"We had a deal!" the mob boss cried. "I put you through school! And now I've gotten you out of prison! You have no choice but to work for me! I want another performance, tomorrow night! And no buts about it!"
Thus, the conductor was pressed into service again. And the following night, he gave another performance, conducting his orchestra in that same symphony. And just when they were about three-quarters of the way through it, the conductor heard another mistake in the music.
"I am tired," he said to the audience when the performance was finished, "and my skill is not what everyone says it is. I will therefore be retiring after tonight's performance."
Of course, the mob boss was in attendance again. He waved his hand and this time, in order to hopefully bolster the poor conductor's self esteem, had fully half of his mob there to protest.
It was then that the conductor pulled an automatic out of a nearby tuba and opened fire on the audience, killing all of the protesters.
Naturally, he was arrested again...
To be continued...
"You again?" said the judge at the conductor's sentencing. "Didn't I already send you to the electric chair?"
The conductor merely shrugged, rolling his eyes, obviously frustrated with the whole situation.
Once again, the conductor was sentenced the the electric chair. And once again, he was granted a last request.
"May I please have 14 slightly green bananas on a silver platter?" he asked his executioners. And they brought it for him. And so, this was his last meal before he was strapped into the chair and the switch was thrown.
And, for a second time, the conductor survived the ordeal. That same pesky lawyer budded in again and prevented the executioners from throwing the switch a second time. And so, with nothing for it, they were forced the release the conductor for a second time.
To be continued...
Once again, waiting for the conductor outside was the mob boss, pressing him back into service and demanding a performance the following night. The conductor reluctantly agreed.
The performance this time was smashing. For once, the conductor thought, he was going to get through this damned symphony. It was the best performances of his entire life. The piece had never been performed so well, nor has it ever been performed so well since. The orchestra was just reaching the last bar of music and the conductor thought that, yes! This was it! It was finally going to be a flawless performance! But the final note, alas, was just wrong enough that the conductor's joys were sent smashing against the cruel walls of failure.
"I'm tired," he told the audience when it was over, "and my skill is not what everyone says it is. I will therefore be retiring after this performance."
This time, the mob boss had brought his entire mob (well, the half of it that survived, anyway) to the performance. And what's more, he had called in every favor he had. Members of the mob from all over the country were in attendance. And at a wave of the mob boss' hand, they all stood and shouted protests to the conductor.
The conductor looked at them with a very strange look and some even said afterward that his right eyebrow twitched, slightly. He pulled a remote control out of his pocket and pressed a button.
There was silence in the performance hall for a few moments and everyone puzzled over this. But soon, there was a panic as they all clearly heard the frightening whistle of falling carpet bombs...
To be continued...
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