☆ KZ's ●ROFL MOMENTS● ☆

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[Killer Zeit]

Welcome, welcome!

Somehow you have managed to stumble upon Killer's growing collection of ROFL Moments:
hilarious quotes that have been saved from as far back as 2004.
(Some quotes, however... have been lost over time. Sad, I know.)

Whether it be by chance that you made it here, or the link in my signature,
I'm glad to have you reading and I hope you enjoy!

If you would like to submit a ROFL moment, just feel free to do so in the thread!
I'll take it and add it to the "moments" section. (:

NAVIGATION

● UPDATES ●
● THE MOMENTS ●
● SCREENSHOTS ●

[Killer Zeit]

● 08.16.10: Back from a super, super long hiatus! Hopefully I'll be updating more.
● 10.10.09: Added a few moments. Fixed all the moments that seemed to be messed up. Fixed broken links. (:
● 03.26.09: KILLER'S ROFL MOMENTS is now open for viewing! (:
● 05.12.09: Was hoping this thread would be more of a hit, but is still happy with the response. I'd like everyone to keep contributing!

[Killer Zeit]

Newest moments are added to the top!

SRS LULZ

lapoo123456

vodka is your friend

lapoo123456

vodka is your friend

lapoo123456

I was 11, you?

yeh but was that your brother

lol no actually. cousin

i knew there was an explanation as to why you are so ******** god damn retarded

well i was born w ith a third n. ip. ple

you win

disconnectedsmile

disconnectedsmile

Baby Flavored Cookies

l S t i c k y l

I like this girl... but, I don't know how to tell her. Help me?

dont just shock her with a random I LOVE YOU

he didn't say he loves her
he said he likes her

Not Wood

E p i - K a y d e e

lightened

E p i - K a y d e e

lightened

i am reporting this thread
it serves no purpose

I'm asking for opinions about what goes in LD. This isn't pointless.

IT IS POINTLESS, THERE IS A SECTION THAT THE MODS CREATED SPECIFICALLY FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU TO WANDER UPON IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT GOES IN THE LIFESTYLE DISCUSSION

razz

Wow lol
Stop being mad
like. lolol.

I can imitate a waterfall perfectly

FANCYsamwow

Zahra Nightshine

...kids!
I love kids and I think that I want to be a Mom one day, but I am not too sure because while they are charming and adorable, sometimes they can be big trouble...it depends on their personality I guess smile
Do you want to have kids? Why or why not?

no kids comin' out of this vag.

Aceana Luthor

Ning-Shu

If I had no standards, I would be a bowlegged slut by now.

O.O That's the greatest quote I've ever heard...

Infinite Authority

astronaughty

X-tan

But does your naturally drunken look come in handy the rest of the year?

yea

Verix Vortec

Futile Rhetoric

Obama is indeed the Antichrist.

The Gay Science

Tute Sweet

No, you were saying she was a "s**t eating f*****t who doesn't know a thing when it comes to relationships" simply because she said she was married and happy.

Get over yourself, you prize tit.

You win. xd

killadroid

Bone-Z Dekay

Syndactyly

Be honest, plead guilty, they might be easy on you.

If she's going to juvy, that means she already had her trial. Duh.

Lol

Malaresian Lotus

FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU ASSSSSSSSSHOLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Vampcorn

lol, I change all the time in front of my cat. He wants me for my body.

xX Natira Incubus Xx

Aeon of Forever

_a m a i Z e n

I heard its in

Whats in... o.O

IT is...

OMG!!! IT'S IN!!! GET IT OUT!!!! NOW!!!!! *runs crying*

Mr Archangel

So some guy walks by...and you want his goodies? Well good for you...I think.

Quote:

Fun fact: It's hard to type with socks on your hands. D:

All Dysfunctions Normal

I will be using my mental powers and feng shui to realign the stars into a favorable position to influence the chi flow to knock off your top
Never mind, thats to much work

Miss Bluebell

Beautiful Propaganda

Homeschool is already illegal in Germany and France 3nodding

And I just kept thinking those two would never agree!

AniOchevetOtcha

dios de maquina

AniOchevetOtcha

dios de maquina

lovin would be easy if your colors were like my dreeeams

... whut? neutral

it's relevant

K.



Incidentally... I like your chin.

BackwardsCupcake

miss apple atomic

those roles are ******** disgusting, so is that muffin top, and so are those large, saggy boobs. you are a digusting person outside for being fat, and disgusting person inside for not respecting your own body and knowing your role as a women.



nothing wrong with fat guys, though, they make up for their ugly looks with their personality.



ALSO, GAIA MODS, BANNING MY MAIN BECAUSE I CALLED SOMEONE STUPID DOESN'T HURT MY FEELINGS, I'M NOT 14 AND CONCERNED WITH PIXEL ITEMS.

escoose me but im fat and proud of it bcuz mai girfrund says she lieks it wen i smack her in da face wif mai thrid chin.
wut.

The Mello

umi ni koi

how do girls masturbate???
i know it's a werid thing to ask but how do you...

kopawapatezi

japanize waffle spoon

kopawapatezi

♂­ + ♂ = France

♀ + ♀ = The average Japanese high school.

♀ + ♂ = An episode of Divorce Court.

what = waffles?

A ******** up pancake.

webgrunt

Shattered Rosary

I was wondering, how can you tell if your in love with someone or if its just a crush?
Also, how would you define pure, true love? Do you believe it exists?

sweatdrop

For me, it made me want someone to bash in my skull with a huge rock. Your experience might be different.

DeathBoner

Jaima6448

Tetellia

am i the only one whos boyfriend is a pain in the backside?! hes 22 and always has to b told. he slept over at mine last night but he just sat and watched tv all night. when he comes to my house, all he does is play on the pc or watch a film then go back home. he use to work 9 hours a week stacking shelves in Tesco, i had to tell him to get a better job before all the school leavers left school and got all the avaible jobs, but of course he didnt start looking until all the school leavers snapped up all the good jobs. he now says he wants to b a accountant, so i told him he better start lookin in to a collage or uni course. he comes across 1 collage course and tries to get in touch with them to sign up, but couldnt get through, so i said try looking at uni courses, now he has found a course he wants to do but cant call them yet cos no one is there to answer cos it is the easter holidays! he if had got his finger out ages ago when i first told him then it would all b sorted now!!!! *sigh* sorry for the rant. hes doin my head in. i just needed to let off steam.

i played booty grab with ur fishies and i earn 19g, and u earn 5g i think.

lmao.

Aidan Wallcroft

gamascar

Aidan Wallcroft

Miss-Lolita-Lace

Go read a book or something instead o.O

Rednecks cant Read.

WTF? that's not true for all of them..... mad

Rednecks are not Intelligent.
Rednecks cannot Think Straight
Rednecks cannot Work

Rednecks are a Lie.

Extermination.

DaRealBusDriva

LilBip

loran77773

So why did I become a mute after accidentally falling?

If you remove the p***s out of your mouth you will speak again

how could this retard forget the p***s theory

CuteRainbowBoy

Tessie07

i press down on my v****a and get a tickly feeling.

Okay...that was disturbing....

Holy Mule Man

P O C K I N G S E X Y

Is it true that when you ******** a virgin their V bleed?

Is it true that, when you let go of a rock, it will fall?

Doug_Kipner

x.Alice

She said she doesnt care about me, or my dad. She thinks I'm a failure as a student and I wont graduate from highschool.

She said that once we go back to canada, she never wants to speak to either of us or my sister again.

I don't feel terribly upset, but I just..I dont know. I don't want her to leave..

[******** the b***h, slash her tires.
You might not make it out of highschool, but her a** wont make it out of the driveway.

Namikikyo

FF7Destiny

It's a human head. The arms and legs and foot have been found down south. So someone has bunked a person off, and is discarding the remains all over the place, and must of thrown the head into a nearby field in our village.

Now calm down,

It's nothing to lose your head over.

Abstract Nonsense

iBaboo

What is the most evil thing you did to someone you hated?!?!

I buried a jellyfish once.

Prince_Of_Space

GreyGoose91

Dead girls can't say no.

And neither do goats, a/s/l?

Hotel_Yorba

FifiLynn

My friends aren't very trusting. I need to get better ones that are better than for just smoking pot with.

Same here. My friends are starting to smell like bloody tampons.

Kaderu

My mother does not have the ability to put ice cream back in the freezer. She puts it in the fridge. Everytime. Must be in her genes...

Hydra Firestone

Like singing "Under Pressure", there's a time and a place for it. :0

[METATRON]

Death-O-Lantern

OK WELL I WAS RANDOMLY ON THIS SITE CALLED FOURCHAN.ORG AND THESE GIFS STARTED COMEING UP OF LIKE GUYS GETING THERE HEADS CUT OFF AND ANOTHER OF A GUY COMITING SUICIDE AND NEADLESS TO SAY GORE ME= AVERY BAD MENTAL STATE sad question

WE HAVE A WINNER.

I WOULD LIKE TO NOMINATE THIS AS THE BEST LI THREAD EVER.

Shiny Plastic Reborn

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE THAT OF A WOMAN'S SCORN. I learned that the hard way.

Eublepharis Macularius

There isn't such a thing as a ten million dollar bill.
But if I found just ten million dollars... yeah, that puppy is totally mine.
Everyone else be damned.

Alde

sweetVicki

Alde

You fell for a screamer?

lol.

lol no it wasn't a screamer
IT WAS GNARLS BARKLEY LOL.

lol gnarls barkley

Atrimes

Personally, Simmons scares me. I think he's gay sometimes.

Master Psymon The Second

LUEshi2

After we talked about that, I told her to stop her nonsense and make me a sandwich.

I hope she cut your d**k off.

red-eye 26

eros

im not circumcised!

well, lets look!

xxxparkbench

Evoluti

xxxparkbench

I carry around a bottle of lube.
I've used it for more than sexual actions.
I helped someone gauge their ears with it.

You are too kind =)

This stuff is magical.
You can put it on something like a doorknob and watch people try and open it.

Dr-Unicorn

Serenica is me so deal

To love is to destroy.

confused

twilight sucks a**.

Taku-San Of Insanity

The Metal of Iron Steel

Lost sucks...

Well you are entitled to your opinion...but you are wrong.

Princess Mikey

The White Beyonce

You know there's a music forum x_o

you know you can take your own advice and gtfo. x_____o;;;

Lanier`

I N T R A N E T H E R O

WHAT IS THE DUMBEST THING YOU'VE EVER HEARD A GIRL SAY

"I forget how to walk sometimes... you know?"

o_o

Chocolate-Jesus

I am currently having sex with everyone on the planet simultaneously.

Even you.

Sith Lord Ali

`Condom Baby`

Sith Lord Ali

I almost had a kid once with someone. Abortion fixes everything.

But damn @ that girl. gonk

I lost all respect for you.

rofl when did anyone ever have respect for me

Perfekt Spellar

The smaller your boobs, the less of a chance you have at getting into heaven.

battery acid lollipop

(v)orbid.Angel

The difference between a gay, in your case male, and a straight is that gay man wants to kiss another man, a straight man wants to kiss a female.
There will always be some inbred redneck nutjob with about as many braincells as he has teeth screaming at the top of his lungs to bash all the gays over the head like a newborn baby seal, but the important thing is that the number of inbred rednecks is dwindling as everyone's become metrosexual. eventually the number will drop to one, and he will be so inept that he wont know the difference between his horse's snatch and a light socket, get his d**k stuck in one, and electrocute himself trying to get off.

Marry me.

Dark Inc Pees in Ur Yard

A Velvet Creation

xxevil_poptartsxx

A Velvet Creation

Boyfriends who don't beat you into tears are a complete failure.

wait....what?

A real man doesn't submit to their whore, he makes her submit to him.

*bow*

Imoti

Ragina Vainbow

I want to do my gay boss, Like REALLY do him

Does that make me a lesbian?

No it makes you a faghag.
And that question makes you a dumbass.
But I'm just being mean there... :/

Nox_Eulalie

ManiacalWeirdoBob

I LIKE BABIES IN CHEESE FONDUE!!!! mrgreen

DON'T WE ALL?

Natasuki Rei

Kol30

I would vote a zombie for president, They come pre assassinated.

<3

PinkFuzzyTacos

Zeit Rachen Havoc

PinkFuzzyTacos

Drink a nice cold Jesus. He has a higher alcohol content. After all, his blood is made of wine.

Yeah. I know that much.
Hey, I like your taco. <3

lol
It likes you too.

kiwi flavored giraffes

` H i k a r u

Hating gay people isn't right...being homosexual is wrong, but that is no reason to hate someone for their choices. You can dislike the choices they make, but get to know them before you decide you hate them.

Where did they come up with the rainbow as their sign anyway? The rainbow was a promise from God that He would never flood the earth again.

But flood the earth with what?
Homophobes? whee

Zivia

LostOne_sf

Snake sex can last between 6 and 12 hours.

No wonder there are so many ******** snakes on that ******** plane.

Kaitos Wolfhaart

How do you people manage to sing in the shower?

I've tried it and all it got me was a mouth full of water. rofl

Blitzkrieg Beauty

Bilious Potash P.I.

"There's this girl I know and I'm really interested in her and all that, but for some reason she won't suck my c**k!"

I lit another cig.

"I told her I liked her and that she's got a pretty mouth and lips that give me dreams of golfballs and gardenhoses but for some reason she won't do it!"

I looked at my .38 special resting on my desk.

"One time I even brought my gun with me but she just crapped her self and let me tell you, that s**t really ruins the mood. I almost didn't ******** her after that s**t."

Well, that was completely pointless.
Not even Quentin Tarantino could make that funny.

Prisma Colored

The world can't end today; it's already tomorrow in Australia.

Nasis Sukiyo

Albino Nigguh

Nasis Sukiyo

So, my son, at the lovely age of 4, has decided he wants to be on TV. In fact, he's gotten pretty adiment about it. I want to hear from some people who know some info on this kind of stuff, so, dicuss children acting.

You have a son and you can't spell adamant. xd

Yes, for some reason, squeezing a child out of my uterus didn't make me into a good speller. I don't understand it either.

toonhank1

lowtiger90

i am allergic to the sun!! my dermatologist even said so. it is so weird.

what happends if u touch the sun

Gred and Forge

a s h l i e 4 u

i personally say sex is for ppl who have nothing better to do.
and well i am certainly not one of them.

so i say sex is stupid. hopefully ya'll agree question

Lol.

Five minutes after you get married, your husband is going to slap you some divorce papers so fast your head will spin.

Grammardor

I'M RLY A GIRL

Sven Svenson

"Explosive diarrhea. I saw blood."

Five words, but they'll get you out of just about anything.

ROCKSTAR ANIMAL!

(no subject)

Romance is BS.

ROMANCE IS BATTLESHIP?

kuro_rensa

peacekitty65

She totaly likes you, the evidence is written all over the walls

What walls 0.0

EnGorDiaz

-Stephiecakes-

Kit Kat Ketamine

scenekiddosrock

I like the top, other than that it looks like a ******** mall exploded on her.

I don't like any of it. neutral It looks like 7 raccoons died on her head.

wtf is that picture looks like sumthing died and then came back to life and throw sumthing up and died again then michael jackson came out of its a** and said hi

onilecgoth

Gay people smell bad. That's why I hate them LOL.
And I don't like them, I think being gay is wrong.

Shiitfaced v.5

Omg. An internet forum war.
I don't think I'll ever mentally recover from the devastation.

daughtersatine

Girls who don't masturbate are just girls who don't know how

orgasmic smoothie

=o bald is beautiful Mom! Don't be disappointed!

xmoofyx

emoprincess89

Hello im new in here!!!!!! and i need friends!!!!! please everyone is welcome :nod:

RUN.
RUN WHILE YOU STILL ******** CAN.

ramune ninja

A.Dream.Within.A.Dream.

Oh wow? Do tell? I didn't know that this was happening after the first FIFTY ******** threads advertising it. :/

did someone touch you when you were little or something?

-That Boy Needs Therapy -

zanpokto

-That Boy Needs Therapy -

YOU JUST HAVE TO SPREAD THE ******** WORD< LIKE UTTERLY BUTTERLY.
WEll, I think I speak for the collective humanity when I say
"SHUT THE ******** UP, AND GO THE ******** AWAY"

damn calm down you need some chill pills

I TOOK MY ******** CHILL PILLS!!1!
scream
THE PILLS, THEY DO NOTHING!

The Mighty Z-Rex

Crystal DemonFox

WHY IN THE WORLD DO FIRE ALARMS ONLY GO OFF AT UNGODLY HOURS OF THE MORNING?!?!? You're nice and cozy under the sheets. Having some happy-whatever-dream
And then

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! And it's never just one of the fire alarms beeping. It's all of them. Not together.
Going off at different times. And only two need the ******** battery changed. But they all have to go off.
So I have to drag my a** out of bed. Grab a feckin stick
To hit the little button on the fire alarm and then attempt to fall asleep again.
FIRE ALARMS ARE EVIL. PURE FECKIN EVIL.
I want them destroyed.

IT WOULD BE MUCH BETTER TO BURN TO DEATH THEN WAKE UP ONCE.

thefishkitty

`Mar!lyn

cribz

p***s

Stop speaking of the one you wish you had.

Oh, snap.
Homie got told.

Coyotecom

honsue

Alright what have I missed?

The whole damned world changed while you were gone. It was awesome. Then suddenly, after around an hour, everything was exactly like it was yesterday.

Lily-Anne-Marie

That's fine if you don't like gay people but it's rather ironic seeing as you are wearing rainbow socks. 3nodding

Magic Pie

GAY HOBO LOL

"NOW BACK TO YOU BOB!"

How would you want to die GD?
With Pride and honor?
Knowing you saved someone's life?
Peacefully in your sleep?
neutral

I want to fall off a cliff. But get this, I die of cancer before I hit the bottom.

And my body lands on a little girl and kills her.

dementedfellow

Some people get off to furry porn and dress up as a dog so they can get it up the butt from some strange guy dressed like a fox screaming "YIFF YIFF!"

EDIT: I am NOT one of these people. I like gay asian guys in light bondage.

goldsnake5

oh with a why not?

well i dont believe in the yeshua and i value my life alot more than all mans sins, i guess

sin spelled backward is nis which is completely irrelevant but tnavelerri is irrelevant spelled backward and is reversely irrelevant

LeakyArmpit

WOULD P.DIDDY'S NAME BE TRANSLATED AS
''El Papa De Poof''?
O_O

Moterola

bonsushi

Ever seen a 32 string bass?

It's f***king ridiculous

I think I just s**t myself.

and i starve 3

god damnit, i hate s**t that startles me, and this s**t was the worst.

a nice lovely night with a beautifull woman leads to starve getting some bow chika wow wow, right?

so im going like a goddamn champ and nothing can stop me, not even the black guy in the room laughing as im destroying this chick, right?

she ******** queefed on my d**k.

i had to stop and just sit there for a moment, startled, shocked and a bit scared.

what the ********. ******** QUEEFNG ON MY GODDAMN d**k?

i kicked the b***h out, and drank till the unstoppable urge to shower died out.

The Scrivinator

You know the world's going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush,' 'd**k,' and 'Colon.' Need I say more?

pidgezero_one

I don't care what kind of magical fairy tale women think bleeding out of their crotch is, I want a hysterectomy.

Splurgerwitzl

Philosophical Maniac

I Am A Bear

I'm glad you're not being judgmental.

Is this sarcasm?

No, it's a bear.

********, I should be tortured for laughing so hard at that.

mortok

Jing KIng Of The Bandits1

Hey guy have you ever had a girl that love you but when you ******** up the say ******** up thing like your d**k is small well i do and the s**t make me mad as hell if you feel plz leave a post thank you

Do your balls hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you toss them over your shoulder,
Like a regimental soldier?
Do your balls hang low?

StarWolf3

wigglypoo

swancheez

I'm not a ******** retard, I can afford condoms and birth control. There aren't any cheap hotels/motels around me, so that's why... Geez.

condoms and birth control aren't 100% effective.

Shooting yourself in the face is 100% effective in killing yourself.

[Killer Zeit]

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