well... I'm back.
sorry I haven't been on for so long... I had some complications with my surgery and then life just took some very strange turns... basically everyone in my family lost their job, so we're all really struggling... I'm supposed to be going to Australia... my brother's supposed to be going ot school... my parents are going to Africa... it was bad timing. We could have been fine if we weren't already in debt because we decided to take the leap this year and just do the things we keep saying we'll do but never have the courage to take the risk on. Well... it's turned out to be more of a risk than we expected. We're doing ok, but we're stressed out... and we lost all our health coverage. Who would have expected all our companies to suddenly shut down out of the blue? And with the economy... it's really hard to find a job. It's just been a lot of stress and I haven't had a chance since recovering to deal with the other stuff in my life. We probably have to move to another house, sell as much as we can... and who knows what else. Right now I'm just struggling to pay the bills and not be forced to go off all my medications... and to make the decision whether I let my dream go permanently. I've waited for years to do this... and just as I set the plans and make it happen... it all falls apart and I have to choose between myself and my family's survival, and my own happiness. I just don't know what to do and haven't been very cheerful lately... and I hate facing people if I can't put on a genuine smile and be there when others need me. So basically I've been a virtual hermit. I've missed you guys so much though... and I feel like a real heel for not at least saying something. I hope no one has worried too much. Jenkins probably hates me right now... not to mention the rest of you. I'm very sorry. I really will be around now for a while. I have a laptop... my Christmas present. My parents won't let me sell it. They just keep telling me I'll need it for Australia... but if my brother can't pay for his school... he needs my college money more than I do. He wants to be married soon for pete's sake. I couldn't do that to him and Kameko. Anyways, I'm really sorry. I hope you'll all forgive me and we can still be friends... I truly have missed this.