Elves marry freely and for love early in life. Monogamy is practiced and adultery is unthinkable; they marry only once (Finwë, first High King of the Noldor, was an exception, as he remarried after his first wife died).[27]
Spouses can choose each other even long before they are married, thus becoming betrothed. The betrothal is subject to parental approval unless the parties are of age and intend to marry soon, at which point the betrothal is announced. They exchange rings and the betrothal lasts at least a year, and is revocable by the return of the rings; however, it is rarely broken. After their formal betrothal, the couple appoint a date, at least a year later, for the wedding.[27]
Only the words exchanged by the bride and groom (including the speaking of the name of Eru Ilúvatar) and the consummation are required for marriage. More formally, the couple's families celebrate the marriage with a feast. The parties give back their betrothal rings and receive others worn on their index fingers. The bride’s mother gives the groom a jewel to wear (Galadriel's gift of the Elfstone to Aragorn reflects this tradition; she is grandmother to his betrothed, Arwen, Arwen's mother Celebrían having left Middle-earth for Valinor after grievous psychological injury after her capture by Orcs and liberation by her sons).[27]
The Elves view the sexual act as extremely special and intimate, for it leads to the conception and birth of children. Extra-marital and premarital sex are unthinkable, adultery is also unheard of and fidelity between spouses is absolute. Yet separation during pregnancy or during the early years of parenthood (caused by war, for example) is so grievous to the couple that they prefer to have children in peaceful times. Living Elves cannot be raped or forced to have sex; before that they will lose the will to endure and go to Mandos.[27]
Elves have few children, as a rule (Fëanor and Nerdanel were an exception, conceiving seven sons), and there are relatively sizeable intervals between each child (but see below for notes on Elvish birth rates in Middle-earth versus in Aman). They are soon preoccupied with other pleasures; their libido wanes and they focus their interests elsewhere, like the arts. Nonetheless, they take great delight in the union of love, and they cherish the days of bearing and raising children as the happiest days of their lives.[27]
There seems to only be one known example of extreme marital strife in Tolkien's mythology, that of Eöl and Aredhel, in which the latter actually left the former without his knowledge, resulting in Eöl ultimately killing her. However, this marriage was far from typical of the Elves.
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