Oh, darling, don’t give me such a feisty look.
I’ll tell you something pretty, but only if it’s true.
I’ll shake, rattle, and cradle you. I’ll strum you ‘til
You break, but please, baby doll, don’t ever ask me,
To sing you and lie ‘til it breaks. Truth’s not for sale.

They called me Blu even before the Sun could set on that faithful day of Hymns and Carols. A baby to the very opposites of Mary and Joseph, a fact that even that sly Lucifer could whistle at, but there wasn’t a reason to cry and moan about being birthed to whomever. Even without coherent thoughts I felt that life should always be cherished, even if you can’t figure out just why. So I was a blank slate, little Boy Blue that was a big Girl Green, with eyes that had been open and swarming instead of a mouth that was wide and blaring with noise. Nope, no noise could be piped, only tinkling bells in amazement and thrill at the rhyme that perked tiny ears.
I want to say, I have to say, that I am not so simple to be called complex and so complex to call simple. My unpredictability can be predicted, and my predictability can still be unpredictable. An enigma? Maybe, baby, I was born to be some funky Rubik’s cube. Such a crafty design that becomes frustrating if twisted and turned with fingers that are not merely trying it out for fun. That is who I am, that is how I’ve been composed, even as a babe.
You see, as a child I may have been considered deaf and color blind, or rather I just really wasn’t too into the world. All these shades of white and black, the loud silence- I couldn’t find a way to break though, and really I didn’t want to. My mum and dad didn’t notice when they were around me, considering it was often ‘the little orphan’ title was attached to my name, it’s easy to see why. Take me to a darling little home with a black fence and whites faces, I’d blink my eyes and find some sort of affection drowning me. Take me to the bosom of my mum in the corner of an alley, and I’d see a black face with a white thread of lingerie.
I was a toddler, but darling my eyes were wide, much wider than they appeared to the naked eye. I was that precious mute I suppose, but I made no move to improve my status until I met her and heard him. I’ll tell you, I wasn’t so much as a doll as it may seem, I had bundles of life and I did as I pleased, but the fact that I could not seem to please myself was the problem. My biological parents? They could not communicate, we were lost in translation. My other parents? There was no need, they did what they wished and were content with my quiet.
But him? Oh, he was the reason why I could hear all the wonders of everything.
And she? Oh, she was the reason I could see all the beauty of everything.
After that faithful meeting, my eyes struck gold with the vividness of Blues, Yellows, Reds, Greens- everything under the Sun and more! My ears were delighted with voices, harmonies, cries, songs –everything that could even make a sound, no matter how shrill, dull, or unattractive. So, give it nearly fifty-five foster homes later and a chest full of every fragment of a crushed dream, broken promise, shattered adolescent heart, and other minuscule things.
My name’s Blu, baby, how’re you?
“Aw, you’ve got such a poetic style of writing! I feel so sorry for you, Gawd that must have been tough.”
A sly grin may perk lips and be considered instead a sad smile in dim lighting, but the master of disguise never really uses tricks to draw in prey. It’s a given that I’m not exactly that stable rock for a shoulder to cry on, I can be slippery just like a seal sometimes, but there are a few things I’m certain I can’t cast aside at a given whim. I’m patient, unusually so, but if I feel the need to be rambunctious and brash I will be. Of course, it’s just to throw others off, I get a bit insecure if someone’s gaining on the right path to the Yellow Brick Road coated in specs of green and blue.
“Ha, just about as tough as it was for you to even try to understand. S’all right, I’m full of bullshit.”
Give me a laugh, a giggle, a little fluster touching the bridge of your nose at my cursing. I aim to please, and I won’t stop until I do. It’s a weakness; that want to be wanted. That feeling and desire to having partake in something social and fulfill an obligation, it’s like an adrenaline rush that an Athlete gets once the race starts. Or in another case, the thrill of a success of a lie. It can’t be mimicked or successfully replicated; each feeling is different even if it’s supposed to be the same race.
“Oh, don’t say that! You know I don’t like when you say things like that about yourself.”
Bingo. So, I’m sly like a fox, I guess it’s hard to see it when you really don’t want to. That’s okay, I wouldn’t be so genuine if I didn’t secrete charm like a horny bear waking up from a two year hibernation. It’s only natural for you to want to be around me, even if it’s to see me fail, I like that idea –but if I told you then you wouldn’t do it, now would you? I play games, some to get inside your head just enough so you can catch me, and others none at all but I’ll play along to make you feel as if that’s why you’re attracted to me. I’ll be whatever you want baby, it’s all right. That’s what I do, besides you of course.
“Yes, well…”
I’ll give you silence and fiddle slowly with my fingers as you eye me intently. I’ll bite upon my bottom lip as you speak to me, trying to really get the jest of this sudden awkwardness you feel drifting in the air. I’ll shudder when you touch me and stutter when you firmly ask me to speak to you. I’ll struggle when you break into my inner proximity, and I’ll breakdown when you kiss me. But then I’ll come back hungry like a wolf, and by then it’ll be too hard to leave the Spider’s parlor. Oh, you silly, foolish Fly.
You’ll whisper pleasantries in my ear, and depending on my dominance level, I’ll respond accordingly with something that may be too colorful to say to not so innocent audiences that only mock offense at their own inner naughtiness. You may unknowingly tell me I’m some sort of angel, maybe that I’m truly the most honest person you’ve ever met. I’ll grin and tell you it isn’t true, but it’d be inaudible because you really just don’t want to hear me degrade and reprimand myself. I’ve also been gifted with being called a rapist, molester, pathological liar, pervert, no good-two timing-man-stuck-in-a-woman’s-body..you get the jest of it- too, but I disagree with that, so no need to give it up vocally…
But damn it all to Hell if I don’t call you some other babe’s name, I swear I need to fix that.
“…Charolette? Excuse me? I’m a MAN!”
“Yes, yes! That you are, Malachai.”
“MALACHAI?”
“Susan? Tony? Rachel? Vernon? Jess-”
Aw, shucks.
And so, the testosterone in your body somehow shifts into estrogen and you start bitching like you’ve been hit by the PMS that you’ve ignored for umpteen years, I can’t help but laugh a bit. Call me a conniving b*****d, and call me a panty-thief, ‘cause there’s no way I’ll lose a notch in my bed. Oh, but you know what? Stacy’s Mum does have it going on, so does her dad, AND Stacy herself. But really, Stacy’s Mum, I mean, have you SEEN her?!
Gawd, if only that ‘C[ommitment]’ word didn’t scare the holy jazz out of me, I swear.
I can’t even say IT or anything related to it, it’s like…[Insert incoherent animated gestures], y’know?
I know I’m no good, and it’s easy for others to know it too, but somehow I’ve been cursed with a honey-tongue and a worldliness that makes me easy to slip under any skin I come in contact with. Hawt damn, I guess I’m like another epidemic aren’t I? ‘Cept it seems I’m infecting faster than HIV or something. Oh well, I see another thing sashaying on past me, time for the next kill. See you on the flip side of the New Moon.