OOC2 - Awards on P799! CG Colter, Devaena, Anton and Lurp!

Would you say your character is amazing, fabulous or just plain incredible?

All of the above.	100.0%	[ 251 ]
Total Votes:			[ 251 ]

[Cartagia]

Vilhelmina

Cartagia

ninja Maybe that's what they WANT us to think...... mad

Hm. Hide the weapons.

...>>...<<...>>...<<....*piles the weapons up and stands guard over them*....why is there a spoon in here?

[Blade Kuroda]

Hm.. I have.. two hours... maybe I can get in a resubmit

[Vilhelmina]

Cartagia

Vilhelmina

Cartagia

ninja Maybe that's what they WANT us to think...... mad

Hm. Hide the weapons.

...>>...<<...>>...<<....*piles the weapons up and stands guard over them*....why is there a spoon in here?

...I may have accidentally left that there after lunch.

[Cartagia]

Vilhelmina

Cartagia

Vilhelmina

Cartagia

ninja Maybe that's what they WANT us to think...... mad

Hm. Hide the weapons.

...>>...<<...>>...<<....*piles the weapons up and stands guard over them*....why is there a spoon in here?

...I may have accidentally left that there after lunch.

rofl Well....I suppose you could still harm someone with a spoon.....

Blade Kuroda

Hm.. I have.. two hours... maybe I can get in a resubmit

Gogogo! :3

[Zienkyer]

[Cartagia]

Zienkyer

wahmbulance

[Vilhelmina]

eek

[Jaudaran]

Any feedback on my entry? I feel like it killed the thread. D:

[Cartagia]

Jaudaran

Any feedback on my entry? I feel like it killed the thread. D:

Nah, I think everyone is busy working on theirs since the deadline is so close...XD

As a judge I really can't pass any comment on yours until this round is done and judged...:3;;

[Vilhelmina]

Cartagia

Jaudaran

Any feedback on my entry? I feel like it killed the thread. D:

Nah, I think everyone is busy working on theirs since the deadline is so close...XD

As a judge I really can't pass any comment on yours until this round is done and judged...:3;;

Same goes for me. I'm sorry I didn't mention it sooner - I posted about it a few pages back (when LadyFox asked for feedback on hers) but that was a little while ago. ^_^,

[Laveris]

...I brought some cards, anyone want to play strip poker?

I warn you, I'm not very good at poker.... wink

[Cartagia]

Laveris

...I brought some cards, anyone want to play strip poker?

I warn you, I'm not very good at poker.... wink

...ffs Laveris.... neutral gonk *stuffs the OC back into her box*

[LadyFox]

keiyani

LadyFox

Out of curiosity, do YOU have any specific questions you would like answered as I look at it?

Mostly is it clear where the answers are, but if you wouldn't mind (and I know our works aren't judged by format or prose) do you have any suggestions on how to improve my writing style?

Sorry this is so late Keiyani, I overslept. I was able to find all of the answers to the questions, so I think you are good to go there.

A couple of suggestions on improving your style (not that I am an expert by any means 0_o ):

Try to avoid using passive verbs. Strong, active verbs command your audience's attention and maintain the feeling that things are happening, that things are moving. Passive verbs weaken what you are trying to say. Sometimes you want to weaken or soften a statement, so passive is appropriate, but it should be the exception rather than the rule.

For example, instead of saying: "More mental notes were made." you could say "She made more mental notes."

Along the same lines, try to avoid using modifiers (these include words like very, really, sort of, almost, quite etc. but also words like seemed.) Like the passive tense, modifiers soften and weaken your statements. For example: "he was a man many seemed to trust with the most important of tasks and information" This makes it sound like people appear to trust him, but actually don't. If they really DO trust him just say so: "he was a man many trusted with the most important tasks and information"

Lastly avoid "old-timey" sentence reversals such as "In more than one vision did he criticize his imperfection when he was alone." It can make things sound pretentious, or forced.

All of these are only rules of thumb, and like any rules in writing can be broken to effect. It's not like you can't EVER do these things, just use them sparingly.

Also, I am not saying these things were RAMPANT in your writing or anything like that. I just noticed the three examples above and based my tips on them.

[LadyFox]

Laveris

...I brought some cards, anyone want to play strip poker?

I warn you, I'm not very good at poker.... wink

Alas, Lurp would play, but technically she's already naked.