Random I stuff found...or stole READ IT!!!!!
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled "BANG!", I don't think you'd kill too many people.
A white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir....when I was born I was BLACK " "When I grew up I was BLACK, " "When I'm sick I'm BLACK, " "When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, " "When I'm cold I'm BLACK, " "When I die I'll be BLACK." "But you sir." "When you are born you're PINK". "When you grow up you're WHITE, " "When you're sick, you're GREEN, " "When you go in the sun you turn RED, " "When you're cold you turn BLUE, " "And when you die you turn PURPLE. "And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away.. Put this on your page if you HATE racism.
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person,"What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Lola, Heather, Chris, Delilah, Edward, Diana, Brandon, Ivan, Andrea, Ruth.
Come to the dark side . . . WE HAVE COOKIES!
There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again.
So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.
When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you.
Why do today what you could put off until tomorrow?
How can I miss you if you never left?
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.
Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.
Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.
Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
"Hold my purse."
I hear your silence loud and clear.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
My mom said I had an overactive imagination.
I said, I got it from you
My mom said I had "nice language"
I said, I learned from the best
My mom said that I'm pretty smart
I said, I try
My mom said that I know how to be kind
I said, I'll be repaid someday
My mom said I talk a lot
I said, it takes years of practice
My mom says she loves me
I said, you should show it more...
People often ignore the simple things in life. If someone really annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown. On the other hand, it only takes 4 muscles to reach over and slap them upside the head.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Stupid scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear it up in two seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
She said that she wanted to get high- he took her to the tallest hill in town.
She said that she wanted to stay up all night and drink- he gave her a 12 pack of caffeinated pepsi and said "drink up."
She said that she wanted to shoot herself- he gave her a water gun, put her finger on the trigger and aimed it at her face.
She said that she wanted to cut herself up- he took a polaroid of her, handed it to her along with scissors and had her cut it up.
She said that she wanted to see her blood- he took her to get her ears pierced.
She said that she wanted to cry herself to sleep- he had her watch a sad romantic movie before bed.
She said that she wanted to be alone- he gave her a nametag that said 'my name is: ALONE.'
She said that she wanted to have someone there to take care of her, always; he asked when he wasn't.
My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmellows and flirting with the firemen.
Good friends will pick you up when you fall, BEST FRIENDS will push you back down and laugh. Good friends ask why you're crying, BEST FRIENDS already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry. Good friends will say you can do better, BEST FRIENDS will call him up and say "You have seven days to live." Good friends will help you with your drug problem, BEST FRIENDS are the ones who sold it to you. Good friends will bail you out of jail, BEST FRIENDS will be sitting next to you in your cell saying "We messed up, huh?" Good friends dont let you do stupid things, BEST FRIENDS don't let you do stupid thing ALONE.