The final page of Essence
I was nervous about this, but im sure this is the last of it. NOt saying i will never write a journal again or whatever, but this is the end. Or the beginning?
HAHA! i dont think i changed to much since i started this, age of 16!
and yet still, im happy
i was in alot of pain earlier today, emotional etc. etc.
guess in my eyes ive been going through alot lately.. but lets try to recap if we mind!
Beginning of journal: this fealing of fate clutching me was at my doorstep, and i wanted to see the results
middle: the tug of war
altough many things happen it seems for a reason. Even if the reason is no reason at all
anywho. I guess it makes me feel better knowing that this all didnt come over night
the way i communicate with people these days its as if it did.
but communication is a two way street
regardless, i dont want this last entry to be an argument
or even the debate i could have had with others
these are more than my feelings, more than logic, or any branch from my whole self
this more than who I am too! for i wouldnt say for an instant that this shows the real me
but i guess... it shows enough
it shows something I and maybe you can grab away with. consciously or not
sigh... im truly happy through this turmoil
so ill never complain!
i remember the feelings i had when i wrote the first page of this! It was no more difficult back then, and yet still i smiled!
Call it a mindset but, i wouldnt even call them ups and downs
I truly believe in win win scenarios, and i want to share that "mindset" with the world
i wana give somebody something more to live for...
its something i always felt i was destin to do... as a child.
isnt that Krazy!?
to always have that feeling that you were gona help the world that you lived in?
honestly its not that far fetched, but that feeling i get when i think of it always was so far away
just who i truly am
i what i would truly do
it seemed like id go through tribulations but.. i accepted
i took up my penciled blade and blazed
and moved on my own to feet
yet with the hands of many others
and now.. of all times. when this "idealism" seems the nearest to reality
I want it all
greedy!? haha thats what Fullmetal alchemist brotherhood said!
i still think it was funny, finishing that show the same day i finished the third chapter of Krazy with a K
and then Going to awa, Paula unable to make it. Yet reminiscing just the faintest bit about Nedirah
then traveling all over Central Georgia for four days, as if a journey
and ending that journey with a trip to Downtown, GA state of all places
thats where Nedirah and my sister go to school
they want me to go back to school, but are thinking GA state is ideal for me
i disagree lol
well not fully, but i still dont think its what i should be doing
i may just do it to shut em up :/ lol
and then i think, what we she say?
Paula is so considerate, that girl, she always puts in just enough input to help
but then with everyone elses as well it all feels like A big Psychology test
and im impartial with Psychology :/ lol
i wonder if they have a philosophy major? It wouldnt hurt to try :/ lol im soo stubborn
but that sounds good
i think back to when i last talk to nedirah, i told her about wanting to just leave
and that fool told me to do it, wtf lol!
i took that to heart, i think she would want me to follow my heart or whatever.
and then i still dont think its just my heart, no . even if lead by my feelings there much more. I cant prove that, i can only be careful i guess
well, thats a bit on what im on right now
things seem right to me, but wrong to others to extent. I cannot sit there and ignore that, thats a piece of my manhood i guess
its who I am, man or no man, but i think as an adult i have a responsiblity to all the things im aware or unaware of
thats just how it works, wether i follow up or not..
please exuse me jumping back and forther on topics too, but i guess this is the best way to say goodbye haha
its just another journal entry. But
wish me luck
i seen a shooting star this weekend and i told my friend Brandon that he could have the wish.
"thats not how it works Kavon"
"ok, then thats my wish" HAHA!
i think that wraps alot up in a nutshell real simple and clean
im gona miss writting my destiny, my essence like this
and even if outside of these pages, someones writing my fate for me
they may be surprised themselves at how it all turns out
kaji of the night
· Tue Oct 04, 2011 @ 05:22am · 0 Comments