|
Overwhelming Thoughts||Rant|| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Lately, it has been... I've made huge mistakes, how do I fix them? I have been quite down, and I hardly feel like talking to anyone about it. I've been doing things against my morals, to try and forget about those happenings. My parents seem a little worried, and the guy that likes me - even more. I was thinking that everything was my fault... The whole happening. I seem to always blame myself for everything... No matter what has happened. Everyone blames another person, and I promised I would never do that. Now, the pain is there, and when I talk to someone, I hurt them. go about, saying how I am feeling just...amazing and fabulous. Inside, I know there's only two people who steal this pain away. My Older Sister...and My Love. It doesn't matter...How bad my day is, they take it all away....At least for the time I am around them. Here I am, still questioning something that has happened days ago. I try to forget it all. I blame myself, and forget to look for answers. I seem so joyful...and inside, it kills. Someone referred to me as Tohru Honda from Fruits Basket... I want everyone around me happy, that I do not try to find my own happiness in whole. People rely on me, and I just keep smiling, placing those false fasades that everything is fine. I am sorry, if any of you...Read this and finally realize my patterns... I might talk about something that has happened...and I find out they start ranting how much I rub it in their face... I look down, and swallow it. Why? Cus it bothers them, so it bothers me. Who knew? My mistakes have to be camoflaged...and there's can be up there, and I have to take it all in and NOT say a word. My words are comfort, they always look at me for comfort... I could be a rebound, and I stand still, taking this person in and hugging him, hurting myself to show any kind of affection, only to be hurt in the end. Is THIS right for me to live this way? I am trying to air out...as much as I can. Change my ways, but everyone expects Raye is always around to help... No matter what. Raye forgives. Raye forgets happenings. Raye comforts and gives her 110% in any circumstance. I give my support. I defend. but holy...do they abuse. I think I am gonna end it here... End of my Rant today.
The Fire Angel · Thu Jun 15, 2006 @ 03:41pm · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|