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Rant that is worth a read |
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Growing up is hard. Not just for me, but for anyone. There is the obvious job hunting, paying bills, and even eating healthier.
Lately, I've bought child snacks like animal crackers, lunchables, squeezable applesauce packets, smuckers pb&j unsmackables, string cheese, gogurt, and danimals drinkable yogurt. Seriously, it's like I never want to grow up and yet I'm okay with the choices I've made.
I recently received an email from Sea World Orlando to visit their Human Resources office tomorrow. I'm really nervous because it's a job interview and so I don't know what to wear. On Sunday, after my meetup, I have to meet with this home owner who is renting out his second home to 3 other women and their housekeeper is moving out so they need a new one. So, if I live at that home, I'll be able to save money and pay for school stuff and actually move into a different home and all that junk. I also gotta figure out food stamps stuff too and that makes me even more nervous. I mean, food stamps is helping me save money and I get the food I actually like instead of my dad just getting whatever and bringing it home. Anyway, like I was saying about the moving thing. I'm unsure how this is all gonna work out because my friend is looking for a place to live too and I'm a little freaked out that I won't ever get to leave my mothers house and I'll never be on my own and I'll never get away from her emotionally abusive and greedy, fat ways.
I'm so stressed because my mother wants me to never leave and even though she says she wants me to go through with moving away, she's "trying to protect me" by looking for places for me when I can do it myself. She's turning into a helicopter mom and she's driving me ******** insane. I'm so tired of her s**t, I just want to leave and never come back. I want to leave and disappear from her life. I don't want to be associated with her anymore. I am so done. But I can't do that because she'll freak out and cry about it and probably search for me and I hate her. I HATE MY MOTHER. I don't care how long she's taken care of me, I hate her fat and disgusting a**. I hate the way she calls my name, which has helped me hate my name more. I hate the way she "asks" for s**t and if I say no, she'll cry about it and say I'm attacking or bullying her like I really would do that. She's been telling me to do s**t for her since I was 11 and honestly, I just want to get her out of my life. When she dies, I will be stress free, I can feel it in my bones and I will be happier.
Let me tell you a thing about my mom. It really pisses me off to max when she does this, not to mention she did pretty much the same thing to my sister and they're dog. When my daughter died, she acted like it hurt her. She told absolutely everyone about it, sobbing and being depressed like a little b***h. And I get it, my daughter was her first grandchild, but she doesn't have to tell everyone. She doesn't have to use my daughters' name as the ******** wifi password. She doesn't have to act like she birthed her. I did. I took her into the hospital. I watched over her when she was in the hospital, even when she was in the NICU, I went every ******** day and fed her and gave her medication when she needed it and bathed her, got her dressed, stayed up singing to her to get to her stop crying and go to sleep, massage her legs and arms so she could move a little better. I woke her up that day and got her dressed and tried so hard to get to breathe again and when she finally passed away in my arms, I had to go through that pain. Not my mother. No, she acted like a little b***h and freaked out. I was so pissed too. I wanted to slap the s**t out of my mother when she did that. And my mother acts like I should tell people at job interviews about her and I don't because they don't need to know that.
What happened with my sister and their dog was one of their friends left the back door open and their dog got out and was hit by a car. She later passed away in the vet clinic. Then, my mom changed her laptop password to "buttons4pookie" which is my sisters dogs name and my daughters' nickname. Yeah, I want to smack her for that. It's the same thing with my ex who told me he wanted to have a special memorial for my daughter. Like b***h stop okay get out of my face and stop acting like you gave a ********. He wasn't even related to her and didn't have a connection to her and he acted like it broke him ha.
I felt like ranting.
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