Do you ever try to hide the tears behind a smile? Do you ever hide how you really feel with lies? Do you ever have the urge to say something that you know will just cause trouble, but shows the truth...so you don't say anything, you hide? I do. All the time. Half the time when someone asks me 'are you alright?' I just simply lie. "Yes." With a smile. Is it ever true? Sometimes. Am I ever actually not alright? Usually.
When I see someone do something...nicely, that seems very out of character, I can not help but think 'Its an act.' When I hear someone say something very hypocritical or judgmental I get so close to saying something but hide back, why start something? Also, I hide my true feelings for people, I get so close to saying something but never do. Why risk getting hurt? Why go through the pain and worry for a no or a cheater?
Now, I also feel very self conscious. I hate my weight, I hate my hair, my acne, my feet, my everything, the only i DO like, is my eyes. I love my eye color and would never change them. If I could...I would change most everything else on me. Now, will I do anything? No. Because I should not change for anyone. I may not like it, but I accept it, it makes me me. I would not be me if I was a size two or blonde and preppy. I would not be the person I am today. Now, it is late, I need my sleep so I am off, might be a more happy post tomorrow. I might change my whole topic from now on and not just my words. So, night, stay tuned?
A Permanent Insanity · Mon May 23, 2011 @ 03:58am · 0 Comments |