Things have become strained between me and my best friend, the same friend who's getting married to another man. It's like I can't look her in the eye anymore without feeling nervous. I can't hug her the way I do other friends. I can't converse with her without feeling like I'm unknowingly bearing my soul to her. Part of me desperately wants to hide my feelings from her. She doesn't deserve the burden of knowing when she is facing a wedding soon. I can't afford to let her find out how in love I am with her. It pains me to see her with another, but I know I'll have to move on eventually.
Things look a little rocky between her and her fiancee. I know I shouldn't feel hopeful, but I do. Selfishly, I keep hoping something will happen and they'll split before the wedding. But that won't be happening too soon. She wants it to happen too badly.
We were at a party with friends recently. She looked devestatingly bored and depressed. At one point, she up and left without saying a word to anyone. Somehow...I didn't feel compelled to follow her. I simply didn't feel like I shared the same best friend quality I had once shared with her. So she left and I sat there, wondering what in the world was so wrong in her life, feeling miserable because I wasn't a better friend, because I didn't know and I should have. I feel so out of touch with her. I feel like she's just another face in the crowd. She's my friend, but... she's not.
And that's why things have become strained between us. At least, that's why I feel like things have become strained. I don't even think she noticed.
-Roonil Wazlib
RonaldWeasleyKing · Tue Mar 07, 2006 @ 06:37am · 3 Comments |