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Gaia Journal Entry 01:
I couldn't possibly feel worse about the situation at hand.

Life is not going to be about what we do and don't want. That harsh reality.....needs to be accepted. I'll be straight up - I'm a Christian and I have NO IDEA sometimes what God wants me to do and my faith can be as shaky as the Golden Gate Bridge. I can name so many ppl who believe flawlessly in Him........sometimes I struggle with the thought of his existence. When you pray for something, you can't pray for the exact outcome you want. It doesn't work like that.

I did "the right thing" but feel like I've been run over by a truck. I broke up with my boyfriend on his 16th birthday, dammit. smilies/icon_crying.gif I'm angry, sad, and just........bewildered. How could something so right turn out so wrong? It was easy for him to say we'd be besties when he was holding my hand and kissing my lips. Now, he can only think of ways to have me again, even if it means hurting the innocent. Hell, he can have the woman of his dreams, but he'd better actually love her. I hate seeing ppl being used.

As a lover, I'll admit it: I'm jealous and feel miserably cheated. As a friend, I think what he's doing is twisted. I know why he's determined to be with me again. (and believe you me, I'm flattered) smilies/icon_redface.gif but when you're hurting the innocent just to be with someone, is it really worth it? If we can still be friends: so be it, If we can ever be hopelessly in love again: even better, if he resents me forever: whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger. But if it's the latter, (it'd be a shame), but just know that if I truly gave him the 3 H's, he wouldn't hate me for my decision.

C h i k a r i B e a n
Community Member
C h i k a r i B e a n
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  • User Comments: [1] [add]
    Johnny The Dark Wanderer
    Community Member
    commentCommented on: Wed Aug 11, 2010 @ 05:54am
    Damn powerful words Taylor...I'm sorry about that.Damn it *sigh* listen i have something to tell you taylor.I know its a late notice and i'm very very sorry for keeping it from you all this time,but I remember Him(I'm not mentioning his name to spare you pain) walking with me and saying how he would imagine Julie without a shirt.That's something unthinkable to say when he knows he has you,but knowing Quinn,i wasn't suprised.I winced at that thought and i wondered:"What the hell does Quinn think he's saying? He has Taylor for God's sake and he's over here talking about Julie bare-chested?" I know i shouldn't have kept it from you,but i didn't want to damage your relationship with Him.I knew that if i told you,He wouldn't trust me anymore.I knew that if i didn't,there would be guilt in me.I should've told you instead of keeping my loyalty to Him.I'm very very sorry for not telling you this before.If you don't trust me anymore,i understand.I'm not mad.I just want you to know this.I don't mean to hurt you anymore than now either

    With apologies,


    User Comments: [1] [add]
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