it is true that it is sometimes difficult for a doctor to tell what is truly going on with an ultrasound. It is always worthwhile getting a second opinion, regardless, and it is good to hear your personal story. And a good doctor should not say, "the baby will have no legs, you should have an abortion", but, "according to this ultrasound, it looks like your baby has no legs and would be born without legs. If you want to consider abortion, it is the (probably second) trimester, and in this state you have the following options:..."
I hate doctors who think they can tell you what you should do, especially about a situation as emotionally charged about what to do with the baby inside you. One of my obstetricians is really overweight and always giving people a hard time if they gain a little quicker during their pregnancies. And she has told women, "you are too old to have kids, don't even try." Luckily, most of us switch to another doctor when we hear things like that.
In my belief system, if I had been aborted, I wouldn't know any different to miss my life, or even to be glad in a case where I decided I hated my life later. Also, my belief is that souls can reincarnate, so if I was aborted, I could have chosen to incarnate in another mother's tummy.
My most important belief is that things like life and death do not happen without God allowing them to happen. Therefore, if a person was meant to live a life in a certain family, place and time, then God would make sure that the mother didn't listen to the doctor's advice, that she didn't even get that advice to begin with, that she had supportive friends who helped her to change her mind, that she had a dream that made her change her mind, whatever. Knowing that abortion must be a very emotionally painful and guilt ridden experience, I try to be one of those supportive friends who helps a woman see all her options, and that keeping her pregnancy is ALWAYS an option (I know one couple who knew their baby would die within minutes of his birth and never breathe who went all the way through and held the baby for those few minutes of life outside of the womb. I truly respect their decision and strength, but I certainly wouldn't EXPECT it of anybody) and that I will be there to help out and they can use all my baby clothes, etc. whatever. But I prefer to do it in a place where the woman does not feel trapped by laws that will not allow her to have a legal abortion in a clean clinic. It is so much better for everyone if a woman chooses to keep her pregnancy rather than being forced to go through such a difficult event.
Having had two miscarriages myself, I have always wondered why. My favorite guess is that these souls were people who wanted some practice working on their claustrophobia, and only wanted to try it for 3 and 4 weeks before escaping back to heaven smile but I'm glad my daughter, in my third pregnancy decided to stay for good! (She's now 2)
Update: as of August 2005 I've now had 3 miscarriages. And my daughter just turned 3. Now that I've had three they are willing to start testing. I personally think I have low progesterone. I have high hopes that we'll figure it out and my daughter will get a sibling eventually!
jennimac Community Member 
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