Well, Rita has been defeated thanks to the mightiness of the Power Rangers!!! Actually it was more of a combination dry air and land fall. But, she has come and gone with no major damage for myself or my family. As for those whose lives are devestated by this then I want to send you my heart and my soul to comfort you in your time of desperation and heartache. I would like a moment of silence for those that have been affected by Rita's evil tyranny...
* cry :Angels sing a sad song of loss: cry *
Speaking of heartache I am going through a crisis of immense propotions. I don't even know how to word this for my journal. But, no one is reading this anyway, so here goes. My boyfriend of 10 months is now a problem. He was great at first, I never got annoyed or angry with him. Things just slid down my back; but since I've been dating him the longer we are together the more he bothers me and the more he annoys me, for no apparent reason. I don't know if the problem is just my own idiocy or if repeated exposure to him has caused me to start to push him away. We have also developed an incredibly deep relationship, one of my strongest in my whole life, my heart aches from the thought of losing him. The only problem is that, this is the only time my heart feels anything. At other times I simply feel indifferent towards him, like he's just there and I'm not really feeling anything for him. Sure we laugh and have fun and joke around, but there is no deep profound realization that I love him immensly. There are no french horns playing and I don't get that tingle in my belly when I'm with him. It's more like hanging out with a really close friend. Is that something to build a realtionship on? An intense affection for another person. Not love, not lust, not even mad passion, just warm affection. I just don't think that the affection will keep us together forever. It will wane and I think it has. He is also alittle too controling for my taste but I know it's becasue he is truly in love with me and does not doubt that fact. He is just holding on to me for dear life becasue I have broken up with him 5 times and each time he comes back to me begging to get back together. I can't stand to see him hurting so I do it, and hope for the best. I just think that it's starting to get to me...
The situation is also compounded immensly becasue a few nights ago I got drunk at a party and fooled around with a guy there. It is a person whom I am starting to spend alot of time around, and am realizing that I have alot of things in common with. Much more than I have with my boyfriend. He is cute and funny, but that's basically all I know about him. We don't have a long line of memories like me and my boyfriend. I haven't put in 10 months into knowing him. I just don't know if he is worth risking a 10 month long affectionate realtionship. Despite the problems I'm having with my boyfriend and despite the fact that I never feel like having sex with my current boyfriend. I just don't know if this new guy is worth starting over, since I've only known him for 3 days.
I'm caught in the middle and don't want to make a descision, because with either I still lose. I will end up hurting someone no matter what I do. Only, if I choose the new guy then my boyfriend is hurt and crushed, but if I go with my boyfriend then I'm the one who's alittle hurt. I just can't decide. Is it normal to not be in love all the time with the one you tell "I love you". Is it normal to not feel it everyday, but sporadicly. Is it normal to look at your boyfriend with contempt because you are annoyed at every little thing he does and the way he does them. I just with I knew, actually I wish someone would do this for me so I wouldn't. Snowflakes don't do well with decisions, I think that's why we just lye there and see what happens. cry
Esakita Community Member 
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