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(note i was talking to someone dirrectly, so it says 'you' |
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every day i try my hardest, and every day i am tired, loose sleep, get frusterated at myself, and feel like smashing my head on a wooden post because im pushing myself too hard. i dont want to push myself this hard; i dont want to try this hard, i just want to sleep, forever sleep. but i push aside my wants and needs, and try to do what others want of me first. friends, treachers, parents, siblings, etc. im sick, and sleep-deprived, and at a weak point in my life. this is my first real break from homework, chores, and family gatherings in the last few days. and now, in ten minutes, i have to start up again, working working working! and to top it all off, i feel like your avoiding me. i feel like everyone in our group is. marley and sunee talk about things and stop when i come over, i feel i need a reason to talk to people now. its not just "im talking to you because you're my friend", it has to be like "im talking to you because i did something last night that was bad/good" etc. you are always with steven nash scott jack and them, and, even tho i want to be w/ you, i always feel out of place with them, because i have no idea what they are talking about, and they all ignore me. and everyone is expecting me to be hyper and happy and not moody and stuff, and i just cant do it and they wont accept that i just cant! and i cryed myself to sleep last night because i was bloody stressed, and no one ever seems to notice when im sad or tired, and if they do, they do nothing. absolutely nothing and it seems like they dont even care... and its just not fair that everyone else gets attention and care when they feel like s**t and not me. and ive been getting headaches lately because of thinking too hard. i feel like no one cares anymore, and its just s**t. bloody s**t. to but the cherry on the sundae, my wrists are really weak, and they hurt. mainly my right one tho.... but yeah.. times up. time to go work my a** off and get bloody stressed and not sleep.
CHUG-A-LUG · Thu Sep 22, 2005 @ 03:54am · 3 Comments |
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