No matter which way I turn, he seems to invade my thoughts... my vision... I've tried to just forget him too many times. But the love I was burdened with presents too many difficulties... Too many tears, chest-aches, and breathing problems...
His touch is long forgotten... His expressions lay hazy in the back of my mind... One in particular... One I only saw once in my few months of pure bliss... That I will never see again.
But his kiss... His kiss lingers on in the core of my dreams, too sweet to be called nightmares. At times, my dreams will even remove him completely... Leaving the wonderful kiss with someone more worthy...
Someone I'd much rather it be at this point in time.
Only, in these dreams, it's more intense... Breath-taking, even... Less realistic than the kiss I claim to remember...
I gasp in pain as a result of the same realization every day. Those happy visions in my mind might as well not exist. They're already contorted with time... Nothing can ever bring them back to reality...
At least, not exactly how I remember them. =D
I believe that they will come into action once again... Differently, of course. But still perfect all the same... Maybe even better than perfect. Certainly far better than I would ever deserve.
But who's complaining?
I almost feel obligated to pity him now. These new things I feel for someone other than him keep that gasping pain from damaging what's left of me. This satisfaction of knowing that life is finally on the right track... It's so compelling... Almost overwhelming...
It seems as if something is required to happen. It's almost too-perfect to be considered a life belonging to me.
But once again, still not complaining.
I'm enjoying this satisfaction with the smug atmosphere I'm sure everyone will get sick of. But if they love me, they'll bear with it. I'm happy again, and I'm not about to ruin it with insecurites that are somehow disappearing.
I blame the new "him." I don't see why, but for some reason, I feel it truly is his fault. For making me feel so sure of myself for once in my life. It's such an amazing feeling... I hope it doesn't disappear any time soon.
I just want to say thank you... For just being there... It's helped me more than you could imagine. I'm sorry if you're reading this... And I'm sorry if it happens to freak you out. I'm simply stating fact.
As of now, I am determined... I have a new mission in life... To help my friends find their state of happiness as I've found mine. I'm willing to contemplate over petty things... Or battle through wars that are much less than threatening. I'm 100% willing to go through everything with my friends and be there as needed...
I want to help. No matter the cost. For those of you who have your doubts, I am not just saying this for so-called "publicity"... I honestly want to help as much as possible throughout these teen hardships. I officially know how it feels to bottle up emotions to a point of implosion. I'd hate to see a friend go through something like that. Ergo, I'm here... To talk... To help... To do anything... I am here for you all.
Remember that.
callxmyxbluff · Fri Oct 12, 2007 @ 09:47pm · 0 Comments |