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How to OD without anyone noticing. |
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So, I'm writing this because I feel like I should to explain myself to the few people that spoke to me this weekend and because I have no where else to write.
So, Friday night I decided to do a drug(Which will be named later.)
Why?
I honestly can not remember.
Someone asked me if I was trying to commit suicide, its likely. I've been known for it in the past, But I don't remember being depressed that day.
It was most likely just for fun.
I get these pills out, they are hot pink so I make them into a heart on my kitchen table then down the little heart with a glass of water.
That was a total of 14 pills.
Anyway, half a hour past. I was numb, which was a normal thing with this drug. I continue to talk to people online, I still wasn't feeling what I normally felt with this drug.
So, in my intoxicated state, I figure the more the better. .But not too much. So I take two more.
16 pills now.
A few more minutes past, every minute seems very very slow. It feels like two hours past but I'm sure it was something more like 10 minutes.
I take four more pills.
Thats a good even 20 now, kids.
I sit and wait.
Literally, I wait.
I am at my kitchen table, I don't think I was talking to anyone at the time online and I am waiting
Nothing happens besides the numbness.
I finish the box of pills, which is 24.
I talk with someone online, I don't remember who or what it was about.
My hands start resembling giant spiders by the way they move so fast when I type.
My mouth gets very very dry, I get a glass of water and down it in seconds.
Everything goes black for a moment, I then 'wake up' and realize my mouth is on the kitchen faucet and I am just drinking the water as it comes out.
I sit back down at the computer and continue IMing people.
There are suddenly tons of bugs blocking my vision, I ignore them.
I hear the sound of tiny feet on my kitchen tile. I look over and there is a little gecko on the ground, It was missing its tail.
I get down onto the ground and crawl over to it and try to capture it, it runs and seems to double as it goes, like its moving so fast.
I cup my hands around it and spread my fingers to look at it and now its missing.
Strange.
I stand up. Head rush.
I get back on the computer only to find seconds later I have to piss like super bad.
As I walk to the restroom, I suddenly feel like I am falling face first very very slowly. I snap back, I never fell and I am standing infront of my bathroom.
As I reach for the handle, I start shivering, my teeth are chattering and every muscle in my body is shaking.
I look up at the door, It looks like a giant door from the darkages. I go inside, turn on the light and quickly turn it back off. (This took maybe 5 minutes, I kept missing the light switch.)
I do my business and wash my hands. I stare into the bathroom mirror and the person in the mirror is shaking violently. I look down at my tiles. (They are black and white checker) and I see that on every white tile there is a black shadow and on every black tile there is a white highlight. I laugh and agree with myself out loud that it is very artistic, I realize then that I didn't say anything at all, or even laugh.
I open the bathroom door and my brother is a shadow standing outside the door. I gasp and say "YOU ******** SCARED ME." he says nothing, I start to walk away an d I look behind me, my brother is staring into my parent's bedroom then he just. .vanishes.
I go back online, and IM for a little while. .
Suddenly, I can feel it deep within me.
I am about to ******** trip so hard, I knew it was coming.
I try to get offline but someone online persists me to stay, I don't know why.
I am rocking back and forth, I wanted to go lay down.
I finally get offline and lay down on the couch.
My brother is at the back door, knocking loud. I get up and unlock it, but i locked it again, then I unlocked it yet again.
My brother comes in, I follow him.
He looks into my parents bedroom and leaves.
I lay back down on the couch.
A very very tall girl comes in through my back door.
She waves to me and smiles, I have no idea who this is.
She goes up my stairs, she is wearing high heels and it is very very loud. I worry it will wake up my parents.
I hear her and my brother talking upstairs, I can't understand what they are saying. It was like some alien language.
I go upstairs to find that no one is there. .
I go back down stairs and lay down on my couch.
I start to watch some cartoon, bugs are still trying to cloud my vision.
I think I am texting someone at this point?
I start to watch a show I have seen a thousand times before, every other scene is skipped for some reason. I don't understand any of the jokes.
There are glowing lights on my shoulders, I turn to look at them and they disappear.
I suddenly freak out, I don't want this anymore.
I get up, go to the restroom, shove my fingers down my throat and force myself to throw up. I can't feel it, almost like if you were drunk and throwing up. I can feel someone behind me, watching me do this. I feel guilty, I peek out of the corner of my eyes to see black feet behind me. I turn and no one is there, they are in the mirror now, looking at me.
Throwing up was a extremely complicated task, I would end up with my hands very dirty, I would get up and wash them after every time I threw up. But adventualy I said "******** it."
I go lay back down.
I can hear people talking, I hallucinate that my cat crawls on top of me.
Scared, I force myself to go to sleep.
My dreams seem very real, I am unsure if I actually did do them. In my dream I get up off of the couch, go into my kitchen and eat tons of food. Everything tastes disgusting.
I wake up the next morning, I feel a lot better. I talk normally and walk normally and everything is normal.
But after a few hours, the feeling comes back hard.
I am numb, I start to itch very very badly but I can't scratch them.
I am still laying on my couch, I don't want to get up because I am scared my parents will notice something is wrong.
I hear something knocking very very loudly and whispering my name.
I don't know what it is.
I think at this point I get online?
I hear the knocking again. I look up.
My fridge is shaking.
Someone is inside and knocking to get out.
I am scared as ******** now.
I go lay back down, I can hear them breathing loudly, like they are choking.
I can't remember the rest of the day.
I wake up this morning, I feel loads better but still not myself.
I go take a shower, I take off my shirt to find tons of little cuts and bruises.
There is one huge bruise going around my neck, like I was choked.
Now, I have done a lot of drugs in my life, but nothing amounted to this one.
There is tons more, I know, but I just can't remember it.
I couldn't walk and I had to force myself to breathe.
What was this drug?
Diphenhydramine.
Aka Benadryl, something everyone can buy for a few bucks down at the store.
I had taken way over the recommended amount (Which is 25-50 mg. I took 600mg which is the lethal dose.)
The hallucinations were scary, yes, but the scariest part was that I don't remember anything I did.
I ********' suck.
http://www.erowid.org/pharms/diphenhydramine/diphenhydramine.shtml
 Marquise` · Sun Aug 19, 2007 @ 09:56pm · 3 Comments |
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