Okay.
So I've finally been all like... carefree about what people think of me.
I figure, why not have fun and screw around a lot?
Well today after summer school, I was hanging out with my friends [[Nikki, Hayley, Sarah, Lexi, Thomas, Alex]] and I was all flirty with the girls.
I'm a flirt and I do it even when I don't try to.
It's just how things work.
Then as things kept getting kinkier [[lol]] I noticed that the girls were all fine with it but Alex [[who I hate]] was just kinda talking about what he's done with people and Thomas was all like WTF?!?!
[[I haven't talked to him in forever and when I have, I was a shy little dork]]
So he isn't used to hearing some things from me.
As things were coming to an end, I remembered... I kinda have a crush or obsession or something over Thomas.
[[To clear things up, everyone but Thomas, Alex, and Sarah know I'm bi]]
So then I was thinking about all the reasons I've liked him in the past.
Then I was on the phone later with my friends Nikki and Tina.
And I started going into obsessive mode again. [[which happens like once in a while]]
Then I was talking about reasons why I could like him and how I wished he swung both ways and stuff.
Then I was also remembering stuff that would scare me.
Things about him that I was a bit uncomfortable about.
But these things aren't horrible.
I think he is kinda emotional too.
I dunno.
Most of my friends are, so it wouldn't surprise me.
*sigh*
But why does every guy around here that seems somewhat likable have to be straight?!?!??
I mean that isn't even fair.
Girls are nice and all but a secret [real life] relationship with a guy would be kinda great.
My last one I did out of stupidity and I never really liked the guy at all.
That and I'm not supposed to date guys until I either let them talk with my parents about it, or I have to wait until after I get out of school. [[graduate]]
I dunno.
If this makes any sense, good for you.
My mind is like bouncing off the walls and so I can't tell if my thoughts are straight.
I don't even really have guy friends to talk to.
It's kinda hard for me to make some.
It's cool that I'm finally kinda starting to make some.
But I usually end up losing them after not too long.
I dunno.
I get along easier with girls.
They like me because I'm not a jerk.
As for having a guy to talk to about personal things, I only have myself...
I used to have some people on gaia, but they have either left, or.. well.. died.
Well.
I guess that was my brain spaz for now.
Ugh.
<333
 jjmistaken · Thu Jun 28, 2007 @ 04:54am · 0 Comments |
