my rape

[[L]ipstick[T]race]

When I was 17, on Christmas Eve, I was raped by someone I thought was a friend, the worst thing was that it was my best friends boyfriend.

He invitied me to his house to talk about her and problems he was having, I went, wanting to help. When I got there he was alone, he forced me into the house and raped me in his living room.

I felt helpless, I tryed to fight him off but I just stopped, like I froze. I was molested by 4 different people in my life and when he was on me, it reminded me of when I was little. Afraid and meaningless.

When he finished he whispered in my ear "I'm sorry" and got off me. I called my dad from my cell and asked him to pick me up and I went on with the rest of my day as if nothing happened.

As weeks went by my best friend (now ex-best friend) started to spread a rumor that I wanted to sleep with him ever since they were going out and I was a whore, slut, hooker, everything you can think of. She even told teachers at my school & people I didnt even know.

After eveyone ignored her and forgot about it. I found out I was pregnant by him. I felt deep down inside that I could be, but I didnt want to believe it, I was denying the rape and it was slowly going away, I guess stupidly I thought the feeling of being pregnant would go away too.

I am now 19 & my son is 1 year and 3 months old, and I have an understanding boyfriend. At times it is hard, when my boyfriend and I are intimate I have to keep my eyes open and on his face. I havent gone to get help, I try to find a way to deal with my problems, and of course it was hard when I had my son, I didnt know what to do and I had a slight case of post-partum depression. My family helped me with that and my boyfriend is helping me with everything else.  

[Savina]

I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you.

To be honest, I really wish you had gone to the police, but I understand a lot of girls decide on that too late.

When it comes to having sex, know that not everyone can look their partner square in the eye. I have no abuse issues and I find it difficult. I don't really know why, but I just can't do it... it feels weird. So, I shut my eyes. Not only does that negate that weirdness, but you're able to better focus on the sex anyway. wink

If you feel that it's something you really need to work through, you could try speaking to a psycologist about it.  

[[L]ipstick[T]race]

Thank You,

I was too afraid, at the time, to tell anyone what happened to me and I rather forget, then to re-live it.

My boyfriend tells me I'm getting better, every now & then I shut my eyes for a little while. And before I could only do postions where I face him, now I can do others.

I have been thinking about going to theropy. I guess I'll just try a little longer on my own.  

[Lexia_Starr]

I know this may sound a little harsh, but why did you decide to keep the rape child?

 

[[L]ipstick[T]race]

Lexia_Starr

I know this may sound a little harsh, but why did you decide to keep the rape child?

My mother took me to get an abortion. But I was too far along, so I couldnt. Then she suggested to give the child to my aunt & uncle (they cant have kids). I was thinking about it, then after I had my son I was so depressed that I didnt care who took him. I was like this for about a month, but after that passed I wanted to keep him, I love him so much. When I see my son I dont see my rapist, I just see only me.  

[animalia02]

I respect you keeping your baby. And now that you have an understanding bf only makes it even better. I'm happy for you, but I think that you should talk to the police. And also tell your mum.  

[Shibita]

I admire what you did, I understand that it was a very hard time for you. I really admire that you were strong about it and decided to move on and try to not let it affect you, I hope you and your son live happily ever after smile