Rape and Abuse Discussion Sticky - Updated 6/28

[Nikolita]

WARNING: This thread is a trial thread. I will delete it if people start flaming others, if there's rudeness or abuse, etc. It was inspired by the abortion discussion thread that already exists.
This thread is meant for the discussion of rape, abuse, and any other related topics. This thread is meant to help and support others who are going through these things, or who might've already gone through them. If any of these topics bother you, or if you feel strongly against them, LEAVE NOW.
Statements like "you deserved it" and "you had it coming, you were dressed like a slut" WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. They will earn you a warning, and if it happens again you'll be banned from the guild. I do not want people getting offended because other people can't be tactful with what they say. You don't have to "walk on eggshells" so to speak, just be careful with what you say and be respectful of other people's feelings and their situations.

I'm sorry for coming off offensively, but thank you for taking the time to read this. heart
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UPDATE: In the Links sticky, there has been a guild added. It's called "When You Feel Alone..." or something like that, and it's a guild for victims of rape, abuse, molestation, etc. It costs 25 gold to join, but feel free to go take a look if you're interested.

UPDATE #2: Nikore's guild banner and link have been posted in this sticky, and in the links sticky for those who're interested. It's called "SAFE" and it's for victims and survivors of abuse.  

[mizz_kittys]

I do not know you ppl well enought to tell you but maybe later I will....  

[dead_eye_24]

we are here to help and be people who you can talk to but in the end it is your choice  

[Hana Sunaka]

I think the thread is a good idea, I'm sure that the people in this guild are respectful enough to not let anything get out of hand. *Confident* 3nodding  

[dead_eye_24]

ya i agree and its nice for those of us who feel the need to at least try to help  

[Nikolita]

Iris.of.Mourning

I think the thread is a good idea, I'm sure that the people in this guild are respectful enough to not let anything get out of hand. *Confident* 3nodding

Well since I'm basically God in this guild... cool
The warning is in the thread for a reason. I will not hesitate to warn and/or ban people who are rude and offensive.  

[dead_eye_24]

i wont be dont worry biggrin im here to help  

[Chalda]

Nikolita

Iris.of.Mourning

I think the thread is a good idea, I'm sure that the people in this guild are respectful enough to not let anything get out of hand. *Confident* 3nodding

Well since I'm basically God in this guild... cool
The warning is in the thread for a reason. I will not hesitate to warn and/or ban people who are rude and offensive.

xd *bows to the god...dess?*  

[Nikolita]

Chalda

Nikolita

Iris.of.Mourning

I think the thread is a good idea, I'm sure that the people in this guild are respectful enough to not let anything get out of hand. *Confident* 3nodding

Well since I'm basically God in this guild... cool
The warning is in the thread for a reason. I will not hesitate to warn and/or ban people who are rude and offensive.

xd *bows to the god...dess?*

xp I was only teasing. I just meant I'll ban people if I need to, I don't want people getting offended in this guild (if possible).  

[Chalda]

Nikolita

xp I was only teasing. I just meant I'll ban people if I need to, I don't want people getting offended in this guild (if possible).

Hehehe I know hun. This thread really is a good idea. I can have a lot to do with a person's sexual experience and life in general. I hope it helps people.  

[Mikkara]

And if anyone does say anything rude i'll serve their remains on a silver platter ^_^
(FYI...won't be a big platter, either)  

[wotfan]

I like this thread Idea and i am glad you posted rules, I saw a guy in LI tell a girl she made herself a victim because she was scared to go to the police. I got angry and told him off, He informed me that I made myself a victim too. I was so angry I am fairly comfortable telling my story now, I wasnt but my husband has helped me get past that.......

I was attacked in the woods by my house when I was 10 almost 11, by 4 maybe 5 guys I cant be sure. I was riding my bike home and someone grabbed my braid from behind, I never saw them. I think I hit a rock when I fell I had a bruise under my hair for a couple weeks.(sorry this drags I have problems actually describing the rape still) Anyways I was held down by 2 guys while they took turns with me, I dont think i was the first for them because they were really careful not to do anything that would show. They didnt use protection, but i hadnt hit puberty yet. one of them was really turned on by drowning or pain i think, he held me upside down and kept dunking my head in the creek while he raped me. I definatly think i was "cased" They only gagged me during the water portion the rest of it I was silent because they threatened to kill my brother if i made a sound, and make me watch and then kill me. I was then left there alone with the threat that if I ever told they would kill me and my brother. I was naive and so believed every word in my 10 year old head so i never told anyone. I went home and took the longest shower of my life, I didnt have intercourse again until I was 17. I never went to the authorities, its to long dead now my parents and brother dont know. The first person i ever told was my husband, telling him made me feel like I had a weight lifted. I now feel that being able to talk about what happened to me loosens the hold they had on my whole life.

My husband helped me in so many ways, before I met him I was closed off. I would never set foot outside after dark, I would not go to the woods anywhere by myself. We actually do exercises to help me feel more in control of myself. He bought me a belt knife and taught me how to use my keys in self defense. The hardest thing we work on is the outside after dark thing, we go to the edge of the park in our neighborhood and I walk ahead 20 paces and he just follows and comes to me if i have a panic attack, It was really hard at first but its getting better.

I just read everything I just posted, I never realized how much I changed in 3 years. Support helps but if you are in a situation like i was in and dont have it. I am here, to any who have experienced this pain you are not alone, you have friends.  

[Fran Salaska]

My God... wotfan, that's terrible. *huggles* You do hear stories like that in the news and it doesn't really affect you but when it's someone you're growing to know, well... it seems more awful I suppose.

I can't offer much in the way of advice, but I'm a very supportive person and I can show a good deal of empathy. That's as far as my skills though, but I like everyone else am here if anyone wants to talk.  

[Chalda]

Thank you so much for sharing your story Wotfan. That was a really terrible thing that you went through and I'm very glad that you are able to talk about it and work on it. *hug* If you ever wish to talk about it or anything else my ears are open for you.  

[Oni no Tenshi]

I suppose I should tell about something that happened to me awhile ago. I was just out of high school, and I was starting to become independant (going to the junior college) when an old ex-bf (and still pretty good friend at the time, even though, because of our class conflicts, we hadn't talked in awhile) asked me to come over because he had been "cleaning his room" and had found something of mine.

I went over to his house on my bike, and I guess that his parents weren't home, so I was kind of nervous. But he was always so shy, I didn't really think he was capable of doing anything, so I was fine with going in. He insisted on having me bring my bike into the house, even though I could have locked it up. He said it would be extra safe, so I brought it in and parked it inside.

Then he took me up to his room, where he said the thing was, and proceeded to start talking with me. Eventually, he was a bit touchie-feelie, which I said that I wasn't ok with, so he was all "ok" but kept doing it. I should have left right then and there, but considering that he hadn't given me back the supposed thing that he had called me over in the first place for, I kept trying to ask him about it, but he kept being evasive.

Then, he started touching me under my clothing in sexual ways, and I froze. Normally I am a really strong person, and I am good at defending myself, but just the fact that I was being touched like this by someone who I had been good friends with, someone who was my ex-boyfriend, was confusing.

When I was a child, my mother used to describe in graphic ways how men raped young girls, and that coupled with her "you're fat and ugly" talks and her admonitions that I should starve myself a little bit so that boys would like me led me to believe that no one would want to have sex with me or do anything with me unless it was rape.

I guess that when he touched me like that, I froze from both fear, confusion, and a long-rooted dysfunctional belief of what I "deserved."

He then proceeded to do all kinds of sexual things with me, which I don't really want to talk about, but he never actually penetrated me. When he was finished, he led me down stairs, but I felt like I was really small and far away, like I was looking out at everything from far inside of me, and I felt that everything was a dream. Once I was downstairs, he was treating me normally again, and did not touch me in any way as though it had never happened.

It confused the hell out of me, but also made me feel horrible and afraid. He kept asking me over after that, and I only came over one other time, when he said his parents were there, but he had ended up lying about that. He did the same thing again, but at the end, when I was riding my bike away from his house, I swore that I would never go back there, no matter what he said.
Remember, though, I was only 17-18 and very sexually inexperienced/no one really paid much attention to me or treated me like I was worth anything, so I had a lot of self-hatred and self-loathing that only intensified after these events. From time to time, I was in relationships after that, but most of them took advantage of my sexual inexperience and convinced me to do things that I did not really want to do, but then, I had no better ideas, so it was better just to act out porn or whatever so that I would be loved and therefore worth something.

Now, however, I am with someone who treats me well, and who pays attention to what I want, while also being honest about his needs. I am happy because he's helped me overcome my hatred of myself, and finally, to banish the majority of my insecurity and fear of sex and sexuality.

I would have to say, though, that even the molestation that I endured through those previous events was nothing compared to the horrible brainwashing that my mother (maybe unintentionally) destructively unleashed upon me.

I have made a promise to myself that I will never let my children (if I have any) believe or grow up to believe themselves worthless, even if they do not fit the ideas of society's perfection.

I never want anyone to have to go through what I did. I want to be able to kick the asses of anyone who would dare to molest or rape, regardless of who they are or where or what gender. People who take away our choices and take away our bodies for their own selfish usage need to be killed slowly. But that's just my personal opinion.