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 Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 7:14 pm
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There had been something Peyton had been wondering about for a while now. Something she'd tried to get to the bottom of, but had had very little luck in up to this point. She'd been tempted to take advantage of the whole truth ring thing to get to the bottom of it, but it was something that she wasn't entirely sure she wanted aired in the middle of a large gathering of their fellow hunters.
Peyton really wanted to know what exactly had happened to make Mik dislike her so much.
She honestly didn't have a clue. To her knowledge she'd never been anything but nice to him. Had always invited him to dinner, or made his snacks. She'd looked out for him when no one else would, tried to keep him safe as much as she was able. She'd genuinely liked Mik, and then, one day, it seemed as if he'd gone from liking her, to down right hating her.
It was a mystery, and it had prompted Peyton to ask Lucky if she could borrow his ring for an afternoon. With it safely hugging one slender finger she went off to find the young trainee, starting with a walk along the beach.
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Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2017 8:16 am
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 6:29 pm
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She didn't pass him by. Instead she slowed to a stop beside him. Her attention, for the moment, on the replica of Deus, rather than on the boy himself. In all her planning, she had not quite figured out how to go about getting him to agree to put the ring on, or even how she'd get him to ask her questions in return.
It had her running a finger over the simple band, over and over. Worrying at it as she went over various possibilities for things to say.
After a long moment she finally just sighed and went for blunt honesty.
"I don't know what happened, to make you dislike me so much." She finally looked at him, a thoughtful frown on her lips. "But I think there's been a misunderstanding." She held out the ring for him to see. "I borrowed this. I thought maybe we could take turns with it, maybe figure out what went wrong."
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2017 3:46 am
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Mikael gave Peyton a look and a faint smile, the expression he always wore when anyone addressed him, but there wasn’t the usual gleam of eagerness in his eyes. He could only really think about the things his dad had told him about how people used you emotionally and it was worse than anything else they could do, the most selfish of evils. He’d even said to him that one day she’d come back, when she realised that she’d lost her power over him, that people like that always came back, and here she was. He found it difficult to think about.
“Maybe.” He said, at the idea there’d been a misunderstanding. “Or maybe I just figured things out. I don’t mind people using me but only the outside, never the inside.” And as far as he was aware she had used him, he’d been all alone, so desperate for company, for someone, anyone to care about him that he’d trusted her wholeheartedly. He’d wanted someone to care about him, to make him their number one priority, to be his best friend and care for him.
It had taken him a very long time to finally realise that the world was a colder place than that and to realise that he was no one’s number one and never would be, at least not strangers. Family was different, family was important, family cared about each other no matter what, and even though he warred with a desire for revenge on Lawrence, he found himself trapped loving him at the same time. Malkam had no one else but him and understood, Peyton had had her chance and showed him the truth.
“You won’t like it.” He said. “You don’t like to hear bad things.” He said.
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Posted: Tue Aug 01, 2017 7:49 pm
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She bit her tongue to keep from jumping to her own defense, and instead just let him talk, for now. She'd get her chance to speak, probably, but not if she turned what she was hoping would be a conversation, into an argument.
So she shrugged helplessly at his comment and took a seat in the sand near him. "Does anyone like hearing bad things?" It was a half hearted attempt at humor that was likely to fall flat.
"I don't like how things are now, so what's the difference?" There had been a few hard conversations over the last few days, and oddly, she felt better for it. If a bit exhausted. All the soul searching and confessions had left her feeling very drained, but there was just one more hard conversation she wanted to have.
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Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2017 3:53 pm
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Peyton had been hoping that she'd get an answer out of him that made some kind of sense, but the more Mik explained things, the less and less the petite Sun understood it.
"Oh, sweetheart..." It came out as a sigh, all the air leaving her in a slow rush as she brought her hands p to her face, then back to comb her hair back, tucking it behind her ears. Where even did she begin to try to mitigate this? She hadn't actually...done anything, but somehow she was the bad guy, and of course, of course Lawrence had manipulated the situation.
For a moment she just sat there and looked at him, very tempted to just draw him into a hug, but half certain he would just reject it, and she'd had enough rejection in her life. "Alright," she said at last, and reached a hand out between them, palm up. "May I have that back, please?"
Maybe she could explain, give him some kind of reassurance that she hadn't been using him. That she had genuinely cared about him, and still did(except now it was harder, given cold shoulder he'd given her), but it wouldn't matter what she said if he couldn't trust it, and the only way he might is if she were wearing the ring when she said it.
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Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2017 4:55 pm
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Her lips pressed together to keep from saying anything until he'd handed over the ring and she could place it on her finger. When it was settled she held it up to show him, brows arching, before actually speaking.
"First of all, no, they aren't. They are terms of endearment because I actually care." It was like she'd released the flood gates, but it wasn't as if she hadn't been waiting to talk to him for what felt like ages now. "Secondly, that's not how sadness works. It wasn't important it was all consuming. I didn't choose to be sad. My best friend had just killed himself and it had been like having a piece of myself torn out the wound left to fester and bleed. And if you've never had anything like that happen to you, than you should understand that and not make it all about you. I had to get myself back to a good place before I could be any use to anybody else."
She was frowning at him, unhappy with the conclusions he'd arrived at, either on his own, or with the help of his damned father. "Thirdly, I have never once paraded you around or showed you off like a trophy, that s**t's creepy and possessive, and I don't now, nor have I ever, owned you." It took an effort to keep her voice level, to to keep from yelling at him. It wouldn't help anything. It'd just make it all worse.
"You always had the ability to call me if you needed me, and I would have come and helped you. I can't be there twenty-four-seven, I'm not your mom, but that doesn't mean I don't care. If you needed food, I woulda made it for you. If you needed to go shopping, I would have taken you, even helped pay for things. I would, and still will protect you if you need me too." Her head shook, and she had to pause and take a deep breath, holding it for a moment before letting it go. And when she spoke again, it was calmer, softer.
"You're dads just trying to control you, Mik. He didn't want anything to do with you when you got here, and he only does now because he wants something from you. Isolating you from the people that actively care about you just makes it easier for him to control your life."
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Posted: Sat Aug 26, 2017 8:34 am
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Mikael listened to what Peyton had to say, but even as he listened he had a hundred things he'd already been told to expect. Lawrence had told him that she'd try and talk him round and turn him against him, that she'd say it was all just some big mistake, that all of these things were how people re-asserted control on other people.
"Your best friend killed himself." he said. "So you went away, you went to nurse your own wounds, you went to hide. You didn't come to me, you didn't even speak to me about it. You just went. You know who else has just went? Everyone. Everyone leaves."
He hugged himself. "Everyone except family. Malkam will always be there for me, dad will always be there for me. I don't care if I get isolated, there are people there for me twenty-four seven, people who tell me when they are sad, people who care about me when it matters. Everyone else can use me, everyone else can do what they want with my body, with whatever, they just won't have any closeness to me ever again because when you let people close they leave."
He gave her a cold blue-eyed stare. "And that's something you taught me."
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Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2017 11:24 am
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She frowned at him, features pinched incredulously before shaking her head. "Everyone handles grief differently, Mik. I don't know what you would have done in that situation, but I'm not you, and I needed to deal with it my way." It wasn't about him but if she said that it would just be misconstrued, like everything else.
The painfully ironic thing about it all was she knew how he felt. She was aware, more than most, that people were not constant, and that they could walk away or disappear at any time. That, willingly or otherwise, everyone did leave.
He'd left, too.
"Family shouldn't just automatically get love and trust, that's earned, and they sure as hell don't show that love with constant control and criticism." She wasn't actually sure why she was bothering at this point. She'd told him before, Caroline had told him. So many people had told him what was happening, and he didn't listen. It felt pointless to try, but it was impossible not to, because as much as he'd hurt her feelings, and as naive and blind to it as he was, he didn't deserve the treatment and manipulation he got from his father.
"Malkam loves you, anyone can see that, and I'm so happy he's here for you."
She was twisting at the ring on her finger, fidgety. "But tearing you down, calling you fat, trying to control what you do, or say, or wear. Telling you you can't cut your hair. Dictating who you see...That isn't love, and I don't know how to make you see that. I don't think anyone does.
"I I don't want something awful to happen to you, but I can't do anything to stop it if you keep shoving me away." Her shoulders came up in a helpless shrug. "And I don't know that there's anything I can do or say to show you that I do actually care, if you still doubt it after I put this damn thing one to tell you so."
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Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2017 12:22 pm
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Mikael didn't argue with her about grief being different for people but it didn't soften him to the whole thing. She'd not reached out to him, he bet good money he hadn't even been on her mind in a time of need, it was like he'd been told, that when the chips were down he was just a hobby, just something to keep her busy on the island, not something she relied on. He was superfluous.
"I believe in loving family no matter what." he said, giving her a slightly desperate sort of look. "And I like to be used, I like to be told what to do told what to think and feel. It makes me feel loved. I feel sad when I'm left alone, when people let me do whatever I want, because I don't know what to do. There isn't enough of me."
He sighed. "Malkam loves me but he doesn't love dad so there's always this split. I know people don't like him either, but I see sides of him no one else does, he talks to me at night or when its quiet, he tells me how he feels or doesn't. He says I'm special, that I'm important and I want to believe him because if I was special it would explain everything."
He looked at the ring on her finger. "I believe you that you care about me, but I don't know how much that is or if you'd just leave me again anytime."
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Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2017 4:39 pm
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Well that hadn't been what she'd expected to hear, and while it certainly explained things, but it also made her incredibly sad for him. She'd always thought perhaps he just hadn't experienced enough, but it was deeper than that, and worst. Mikael was broken, just like the rest of them, but his cracks made it so easy for Lawrence to take advantage of him.
"As much as I'm able to, but I know you want more than that. I understand wanting to be someone's whole world, but I can't do that for you. I don't think I can do that for anyone." She sounded resigned about it, if a little sad.
"I do care, though. I want you safe, and I want you happy. And if you ever need help, if you're hungry, or if you want advice about something I can do that for you." More than happy to do that, in fact. Helping was something she seemed to live for.
"But if that's not enough, if it's all or nothing for you, then I guess I understand, and at least now I know."
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