[PRP] When your bro is below (age) (Mark, Dwight)

[Zoobey]

Finally, thirty minutes later, Mark returned back into the barricade with two more frozen pizzas and a can of Dr Pepper.

"I swear to god, if you call me Jack Black, you are not getting any pizza," he began, placing them down next to teenage Dwight, "you're welcome by the way." Pause. "And I'm not fat!"

lizbot

 

[lizbot]

The pizza is first met with appreciation and then increasing incredulity as the boy nudges it's icy form with a finger. "Okay..." he said slowly, looking up from the pizza to his the guy who he guess saved him. Or something.

"Thanks. And Jack Black is cool and charming," the last is muttered, an embarrassed defense of the actor/comedian/musician. "But you're the guy with the Iron Man OC on twitter, right? Is there an oven or anything around here? I can probably make one if there isn't but that would be stupid because what kind of place has portal tech but not ovens?"

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

"I have an oven," theoretically he did somewhere in his junk pile, "and like, the cafeteria has some microwaves and stuff. Dude, you used to like frozen pizza."

Mark was getting confused now because the current Dwight was also more past but in the future? "Jack Black is fat. And like you know him from what, Kung Fu Panda? He's even freaking fatter in that. Like, can you at least tell me how you got electrocuted cuz when I was doing my daring sexy extremely cool rescue of you someone took my rp computers."

A pause. "And it's not an Iron Man OC, it's me as Iron Man."

lizbot

 

[lizbot]

"Frozen pizza is something people endure, not choose." Fumbling a little, the boy tried getting up. "I think you're probably just lazy, sir."

The door seemed really far, but honestly hot pizza was worth it. "I was trying to get out, there was a lady doing some countdown so I booked it. Are you like...one of those furries? But with mechsuits?"

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

"Look we're in the middle of a terrible teenage apocalypse, who cares about frozen pizza," Mark was just all offended now, and was working his way down on his list of things that offended him most to least in one sentence. "Please tell me you know what LARPing is because that is an art which I do. And you actually, but like, your weird gold thong male Leia character was really weirding me out. And also, not a mech suit, a superhero suit."

Having finished his tally of defenses for all the offenses Dwight could offer, Mark sighed, sat down, and opened one of the cans of Dr Peppers, taking a deep long gulp. "Okay, great, so that was probably Clarice-bot, but did you see who started the countdown?" He took another sip. "They probably were trying to steal my computers and were like, using you as a decoy, they knew and now we have to change an entire meta ending because of them."

lizbot

 

[lizbot]

"I know what LARPing is," Dwight rolled his eyes, supporting himself against the wall for the first few shaky steps before continuing to make his way out of there and find an oven. "I don't who it was. But maybe you guys should worry about them instead of a bunch of scared teenagers. You and that other messy guy," he sighed, "you guys are a little pathetic and like, thanks for saving me, that was actually pretty cool? But seriously, we're teenagers. Not zombies or super villains or whatever. We just want to go home. Or at least find some competent non-evil adults."

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

With a deep sigh, Mark stood up, Dr Pepper still in one hand, and tilted the barricade so Dwight could get through, following him afterwards. "Would you even believe me if I told you I rescued you like twice." (Actually he hadn't). "I'm beginning to think you're doing this to like, super spite me. Is this because of the Caroline Lucky thing because I told you we could have a sexy foursome if you wanted to. Not you now I mean, like you when you're actually legal."

And he continued to ramble as he followed Dwight. "And I already explained it, it's time travel but more like Looper style. Or like that Buffy episode, Tabula Rasa." He stopped for a second and grabbed Dwight's shirt. "Cafeteria's that way, by the way."

lizbot

 

[lizbot]

"The messy guy and twitter lady?" Dwight hissed. "You mean this place really is some weird sex cult?" He looked, to be honest, incredibly torn. Was this bad or good?

"And there's a memory spell?" Again, conflict. Would he be remembering having sex with Caroline or would he remember having sex with this guy. "If I'm Tara," he asked, voice dire, "then who is my Willow?" His eyes were firmly ahead of them, focused on the cafeteria in the distance, face flushed like a tomato.

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

"No homo," Mark said immediately, without even batting an eye. "And no you're more like, I dunno, Xander." He paused and then remembered that Xander was with Anya. "No wait more like Dawn." That wasn't right either, he needed to find someone who clearly had nothing to do with sex. "You're Giles,, I'm like Spike okay. But I'm not evil and stuff. And you're less smart and British."

With that set in place, it was now easier to put the other two together. "Yeah, and the messy guy, Lucky, that's uh, that's Xander. And Caroline is Anya. But they're not really dating because they got a Luke Kylo Ren situation if you know what I mean."

Thankfully the cafeteria was by no means far, and Mark sighed before pressing something on his phone as all the lights in the cafeteria finally flickered on.

lizbot

 

[lizbot]

"Okay first of all, Spike tried to rape Buffy if we're in season 6. Second, I am really smart shut up. Third, who is Kylo Ren? Am I married to her?"

Dwight hobbled toward the kitchen doors like it was some desert oasis of sanity, thawing pizza in hand and flush still ridiculously red.

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

"Dude," Mark quipped, "Spike was evil. I'm not evil, I already said that. And Kylo Ren is the character from the you know, when Disney bought Star Wars? He's the new Sith Lord and his dad is like Han Solo and Leia. So yeah, incest."

He wasn't exactly the best at timelines either. "Also Kylo Ren is a dude. And Lucky isn't gay, he's like trouble-sexual. That means pretty anything bad likes to have sex with him." A pause. "Wait, are you gay?"

lizbot

 

[lizbot]

"No...are you? Like it's totally okay, but Spike and Angel pretty clearly..." he gives Mark a suspicious look. "Who is Angel?"

And then...

"That's stupid, haven't you ever read the extended universe?" He turned an oven on to begin heating with a soft scoff. Disney Star Wars? Yeah right. This guy was full of it.

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

"Probably Rep," Mark replied glumly with the full understanding that there existed an entire universe of Spike Angel slash. "And no, but no. I'll have you know I have crazy health sexy sex with a lot of sexy women twice your age."

Dwight didn't have to know Mark just turned down one about a few hours ago.

"Oh they removed the extended universe," the acting Death lead filled in conversationally, frowning as he watched the frozen pizza turn into a not frozen pizza, "And thankfully, the first three movies, god those were terrible. Rogue one wasn't bad though, pays homage to the originals."

And because he was one of maybe three people on the island with actual internet, he flipped through his phone while Dwight was cooking the fine art of pizza. "Here's a pic of Kylo Ren by the way."

lizbot

 

[lizbot]

The world stood still.

And then Dwight was slapping Mark's phone away. "What?! You don't! Yopu don't just remove a universe! At most you archive it as a beloved and intriguing alternate reality!" His voice raised steadily even as he seemed ready to possibly collapse.

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

Mark immediately scooted over to check his phone, inspecting every side of it for damage, and exhaled in relief when the screen wasn't cracked at all. He held the phone away from Dwight, because it was really all he had now to respond to RP tags while mobile.

"Yeah well, you tell Disney that. Believe me, I cried for like, two whole weeks. Can you imagine just like, years, decades of history gone, Disney should totally like, hire me to do their writing because I'd at least like quadruple their budget. At least."

As he said this he was browsing through one of the fridges. "Oh hey, they still have that weird soup stuff from last week. You want some?"

lizbot