[ prp ] MDGA (make deus great again) ( kostya & mark )

[its me debz]

He didn't find the man so much as he stumbled onto him in the most literal of ways. One step, two steps, foot caught in a coat sending him sprawling onto the ground.

A lengthy, explosive bout of furious Russian swearing took place almost immediately after as Konstantin tried to kick whatever it was away.

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

"Mind the laptops, Chekov," said Mark immediately, moving his two laptops away and taking the kick to his back. He didn't even bother looking upset about being kicked, instead just looking really morose. "Oh hey, you too eh. I guess now's a good time as any to tell you I broke the plumbing in your bathroom last time."

its me debz

 

[its me debz]

Chekov was not his name. Chekov was a character, and not for the first time, Kostya thought about how much he disliked people from the North American content by default. Especially since he didn't fight back. Weak.

"My name is not Chekov," he spat in Russian, kicking the man again for good measure. "What do you mean my bathroom? I don't know you. You have the wrong person."

Right. English. For all that Konstantin could understand English, speaking it was a struggle still. "Konstantin," he said, sternly, pointing at himself. "No Chekov. Konstantin."

He pointed at the laptop, looking at Mark with that eerie, empty stare. "Or I smash. Da?"

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

"Okay fine, Kostya," Mark pulled both laptops closer to his chest protecitvely, and then whispered into his cellphone, "Clarisiri, can you please translate to Russian 'I come in peace?'

'I have ten ducks,' translated Mark's phone on speaker to Kostya helpfully.

"See?" The acting Death lead said, now trying to type with only a crack of his laptop slightly folded open. "Me. You. Friends."

its me debz

 

[its me debz]

"Is Konstantin." No diminutive; this stranger who seemed to know him did not get that right. He peered at the man with an additional grimace, and it did not improve upon hearing the ducks.

"What does it matter that you have ten ducks?" he asked, eye twitching. "Not friend. Stranger. How know you? Vhere are?"

Clearly, this wasn't making much progress.

You try you try! Take his phone! It's fine! Good plan, good plan! ggez!!

It wasn't a terrible idea, even if it was...only sort of accurate.

"Claer-e-see-ree," he started, "translate 'Where are we, who are you, how do I go home, why is there something in my head?'.

Mark's phone replied, with no inflection whatsoever:

"Where is the game? Are you the leader? What's the difference between a raven and a writing desk? Are there spiders in my brain?"

It was, in fact, as inaccurate as it seemed. Kostya grimaced. (Again.)

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

Mark stared at the questions.

"Clarisiri, translate 'Here, me, and why spiders'."

"今天是好天", the phone translated helpfully. As Mark had no clue that it didn't translate properly, he seriously hoped they were bonding. Maybe when he had more time he could actually look into updating to the new script people were using.

Seeing that teen Kostya hadn't actually warmed up to him or anything he decided to go the safe approach, trying with great effort to sit up again before just giving up and lying down. "Konstantin." He then pointed to himself. "Mark." And then Kostya a double thumbs up and some sort of complicated gesture that was supposed to be their secret handshake he had created ages ago.

its me debz

 

[its me debz]

"Not verk," he snapped, frustrated. Not having a good way to communicate with an elderly vagrant caveman was going to be annoying, but he seemed to have an Idea of who Konstantin was, and had the age thing down.

Really down.

"Explain," Konstantin tried, speaking slowly. "Location?"

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

"Sad," Mark replied instead, sounding like a Donald Trump Tweet. "Very sad. No friends."

He puddled a little more to explain how sad he was and then pointed to Kostya. "Time travel."

its me debz

 

[its me debz]

Konstantin nudged the man in the ribs with a boot that was a few sizes too large, tied extra tight to ensure they'd actually stay on.

"I believe. Seem very pity." He pointed at the man. "Liar. Real answer. Give."

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

Mark relaxed when Kostya said he believed him, since Kostya was a pretty good fellow in the current timeline and-

- "Wait what? I'm not lying, this seriously is like the most pity situation okay. Super pity. Look." He pulled out his phone and showed the other his calendar, which read Feb 6, 2017. "Today."

its me debz

 

[its me debz]

Konstantin gave him a Look.

"Date easy to change. Is a phone. Care more about location and vhy here."

He reached down to grab Mark by the scruff of his neck, pulling him upwards. Or, he tried to, unaware of the fact that Mark was essentially human jelly.

"Up. Ve go look around."

Zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

Kostya did manage to shuck off Mark's old, stained coat, and the acting Death lead looked even smaller than it was possible. How he managed to just take off an entire coat without jostling the phone or laptops was another mystery all in itself.

"I locked all the portals already," Mark said glumly, shivering a little without his coat, "You're stuck here." A pause. "I'm stuck here. Forever."

Then, somehow rolling to one side, he stared through Kostya. "Time travel."

its me debz

 

[its me debz]

Konstantin looked between the disgusting coat and the equally disgusting (and now much smaller) man in abject confusion, shaking his head. In the sense of practicality, he began rifling through the near infinite pockets, pulling out anything he could reach and dumping it on the ground if he found it dis-interesting, somehow unperturbed by the various bugs falling to the ground. It just seemed fitting, perhaps.

"Portal?" he asked. "Vhat portal?"

Dissatisfied with the contents of his finds, Konstantin dropped the coat onto Mark's somehow prone body. "Other vay off island? Ship?"

zoobey

 

[Zoobey]

Kostya managed to uncover about five different sized balls of tinfoil wrap, a spare cellphone, another spare flip cellphone vintage 2000's edition, three headsets, two more Axe body sprays, and about ten and a half roaches, most of them alive.

"No portals," Mark suddenly said, pausing just enough between typing madly on his phone as well to shake his head vigorously, "no portals. Really, bad evil monsters outside. Evil." He felt he owed it to at least future Kostya to try and keep him alive, since Chekov had never really harmed him in any way and had only existed as the sort of useful, supporting side character one would expect him to be.

With this resolution in mind, Mark sat up, and began to put his coat back on again, unaware of how much lighter his pockets were. "How about this. I'll show you around the island and get you some food for maybe an hour, and you leave me alone for the rest of the day."

its me debz

 

[its me debz]

From the wreckage-- while deftly avoiding the roaches-- Konstantin snagged the cellphone, pocketing it idly without thinking. Mark didn't seem to care much about the contents of his coat, so. What did it matter?

Monsters, though. Monsters he could believe, given what he'd seen with the girls. "I see," he said, brows furrowed. "This deal is vorking, yes."

With solemnity, Konstantin offered an outstretched hand to the other man.

zoobey