Lawrence resented change quite a lot, he preferred stability and routine as things went, a creature of staunch repetition and habit, but in spite of this, change pursued him relentlessly. Every time he tried to hold down a home or a family it shifted and changed and even jobs ultimately proved problematic to maintain. He blamed other people simply because he could not fully comprehend where the fault in himself lay. The rather lavish little house was empty now apart from Rodney and him and this felt truly strange to him, alien and different from the bustling hub he’d managed to put together with the help of Melvin and the others. It meant he got time to spend only with Rodney, who was essentially a very private man, but also meant that when Rodney wasn’t there he was alone with his thoughts and with Butch. It was when he was alone that it bothered him most, when he was alone he could see the holes that other people had inhabited, the little cupboard under the stairs full of Mikael’s paintings, the garden with its carefully cultivated plants and now mostly empty sunny clotheslines. He felt the hollow in the home like he felt the hollow in himself and he found himself fixated on it in much the same way as he tried to understand what it meant.
 
A new year had somehow – through sheer coincidence - correlated with a very new life. It had also come with a definitive resolution to take steps to better himself in the wake of his experiences in the library. He’d sat down and laid out his plans with Rodney late one night, airing the things he wanted to attain. This had resulted in submitting himself to a “cure” or at least a limiter for his famine infection in order to be permitted safely in the infirmary and as an observer in surgery, finally given relief from the more psychological symptoms as a result (though informed that the sterility would remain contagious). It had taken no small degree of swallowing his pride to put himself at the mercy of his co-workers to even get this far. Secondly he’d signed himself up – and also parted with some of his precious money – to finally attend a degree in medicine over the coming year. He’d gathered books, signed up for the online elements and had set some arrangements in place to attend what practical work was mandatory off island. The bulk of it would be on the island.
 
He felt better about all of this, it was all steps towards working more positively and changing his life a bit more to one that he could be proud of. It would be a lot more challenging he knew for a fact, naturally inclined towards both laziness and exploitation of others, but the difficulty made it more admirable and something to aspire towards. He’d never be a good person like Rodney but he could be a better person than he was and learning how to more efficiently prolong the life of people who could have a positive impact on the world was overall a good impact.
 
He’d taken steps to try and remove himself from his fixation on America, going as far as to gather up all of the photos, journals, clothing and other twisted items he’d accumulated regarding her over the years on the island and to send them to her for her to dispose of in a way she knew they would never come back into his possession. He still thought of her often but less intensely and less fixatedly than before. Confronting the issue had helped and he’d had to deal with it while she was gone.  Signing up for the camp had been a challenge to himself to see if he could handle being around her without losing it and making everything bizarre again.

He wanted to fix things as well as he could and though it'd never be truly mended he could patch for now and make good decisions from now on...or better ones maybe.

No one said it would be easy.

Malkam had made it difficult to keep things together, never groomed or convinced the way the others had been he'd proved a final and fracturing force which had ended the family he'd made and no doubt was turning Mik against him.

It was going to be a long road paved with difficult and patience taxing decisions.