A thief and a counterfeiter set off on their holiday shopping... A Jingle Hell thread
Yamashii rolled 1 10-sided dice:
4Total: 4 (1-10)
Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 11:22 pm
19/20 HP
Quote:
Helega's Tuber Shack 4] Gain 3 small presents / Lose 1 hp You find three spud-shaped erasers, sitting at the bottom of a bin.
Helega's Tuber Shack
Small presents: 3 Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Outlet
Small presents: Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Giggle's Mirthland
Small presents: Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex
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Cerpin Sugall was in a bit of a bind. He'd come out to do his holiday shopping but pushing a cart around while also trying to beat everyone else to the deals was a major pain. He was built for strength and flash, not speed or stealth. Somehow, he needed to find some help and he got the feeling it wasn't going to come from the store clerks. They looked drained of life and exhausted.
Something glimmered in the corner of his eye though. A girl practically climbing the aisles to get at the good stuff at the top of them.
"Heyyyy, is that you, Ets? Long time no see!" Cerpin hadn't gotten to catch up with the orangeblood in a while but he did remember that she was skilled in theft. What luck! They would make perfect partners to tackle shopping together. She'd grab everything while he stuffed it in the cart and paid for it at the end.
"Help me with my list and I'll help you with yours. What do ya say?" He pulled the shiniest gaudiest beetle from his bag and flipped it to her as a bribe up front.
Helega's Tuber Shack Small presents: Medium presents: 1 Large presents: Huge presents:
Quote:
Gain 1 medium present / Lose 3 hp
This toy is a vegetable that comes with small plastic facial features. Stick them on it, then eat it. It's like you killed a troll.
As Etsali's hand closed around the item she'd seen tucked away on a top shelf, out of reach of most of the increasingly angry shoppers all around and below, she was surprised and then delighted to hear a familiar voice. Was that Cerpin? Now there was a coincidence! And a handy one, too, because he was ready to make a deal that sounded just perfect for the busiest shopping night of the sweep!
"Cerpin, hey! Catch!" She tossed her prize down to him, caught the beetle he'd tossed up to her and grinned even as she wobbled on her perch. The vegetable in his hands smiled up at him with strange little plastic features as she fell, but luckily there was a troll there to break her fall and they probably weren't even hurt at all. She certainly didn't seem to be as she popped up by his side. "You've got yourself a deal!"
Yamashii
Yamashii rolled 1 10-sided dice:
4Total: 4 (1-10)
Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 11:49 pm
14/20 HP
Quote:
Military Surplus Outlet 4] Gain 3 medium presents / Lose 5 hp You buy three comically oversized, patched sports coats. They all have plastic flowers in the button hole.
Helega's Tuber Shack
Small presents: 3 Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Outlet
Small presents: Medium presents: 3 Large presents: Huge presents:
Giggle's Mirthland
Small presents: Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex
Small presents: Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
"Alright, alright, now that's what I'm talking about!" Cerpin grinned as Etsali took the stores by storm. Catching her weird vegetable thing, he tucked it into the cart. The purpleblood did his part to wheel the cart around and stuff an armful of coats into it. Who was he going to give them to? Hell if he knew but they looked like a deal so he was going to take them. He'd sort out what was going to who later.
"Hey, look, over there. I'll give you a boost over the crowd." Something glinted in the distance and it looked absolutely perfect for Etsali. He bent down to let her hop on his back and use his shoulders as a springboard to get some air!
Helega's Tuber Shack Small presents: Medium presents: 1 Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Small presents: 2 Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Quote:
Gain 2 small presents / Lose 2 hp You find two stylish little white leather wallets, with polished metal clasps.
Etsali went up on her tip toes to try and see over the crowd to what Cerpin was pointing out. There was just a bit of a glint, and that was all she'd ever needed, right? She glanced over all the trolls in between her and the shelf, then to Cerpin and grinned again. "I like the way you think. Why don't we do this more often?" Humming, she backed up as much as she could and then made a running start, hopping up and then launching herself off the purpleblood's shoulders towards the shelf.
Not quite far enough, though. She had to use at least one other troll as a stepping stone, but then she was crashing into it. A moment later, her arm rose above the crowd, a pair of wallets held triumphantly. When she made it back to him, she had an idea of her own. "Hey, I bet we can take the big crowds, teaming up like this. What do you think?"
Yamashii
Yamashii rolled 1 10-sided dice:
8Total: 8 (1-10)
Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 12:50 am
13/20 HP
Helega's Tuber Shack
8] Gain 3 small presents / Lose 1 hp YOU FOUND THREE ENTIRE POTATOES. YESSSSSSS.
Helega's Tuber Shack
Small presents: 6 Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Outlet
Small presents: Medium presents: 3 Large presents: Huge presents:
Giggle's Mirthland
Small presents: Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex
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He nodded in response to Etsali's enthusiasm and began to barrel through the crowd by knocking people aside with their cart. Was it a d**k move? Yeah. Did he give even one ******** about it? NOPE. With the orangeblood following close behind him and enabling this bad behavior, Cerpin let out a laugh as they shoved through the mass of trolls to find-
"Hell yeah, potatoes! Tevini, I am NOT gonna let you eat garbage for Perigee's Eve." It was awful, the way the redblooded girl tried to stretch their budget by eating literal trash. Awful on Tevini and awful on his own body. He grabbed a bunch of the vegetables and stuffed them into his cart like his life depended on it.
"Good stuff, good stuff. What else do you need to get?" He asked his partner, curious what Etsali was shopping for. And also who she was buying things for...
Helega's Tuber Shack Small presents: Medium presents: 2 Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Small presents: 2 Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Quote:
Gain 1 medium present / Lose 1 hp You buy a pair of slippers that are designed to look like tubers. These better not show up in alt art.
While Cerpin was stocking up on potatoes, Etsali made a grab for a pair of slippers hanging nearby that looked oddly like tubers themselves. Blinking at the design, she put her hands in them and tilted them this way and that, almost as if pretending they were being walked in. For a second she tried to imagine Ephias wearing them, and then deciding he'd think they were so ridiculous that it was worth giving them to him just to see his face.
And then she bapped a troll in the face with both of them for making the mistake of thinking they could take them off her hands. "Oh, you know, just whatever catches my eye," she dropped the slippers into their cart and laughed. "A lot of it's just for me." Being a bit selfish was the name of the game, after all. And with stores so packed, there was plenty of shiny to find that the stores weren't selling.
"Hey, are you guys really still eating trash?"
Yamashii
Yamashii rolled 1 10-sided dice:
5Total: 5 (1-10)
Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 1:38 am
12/20 HP
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex
5] Gain 1 huge present / Lose 1 hp You spot a huge crate wedged behind a pile of mark-downed hammer pants. Is that ... is that a motorbike?
Helega's Tuber Shack
Small presents: 6 Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Outlet
Small presents: Medium presents: 3 Large presents: Huge presents:
Giggle's Mirthland
Small presents: Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex
Small presents: Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents: 1
"I keep trying to convince her I can afford real food but Tevini's just ******** nuts sometimes." Cerpin sighed, clearly not at all happy at having to admit, yes he had to eat freaking trash because his roommate was insane. He understood that poverty was a really scary thing but honestly, she was living with a purpleblood now. They could eat caviar every night if they wanted to. Not because he needed to show off his privilege but because why not take advantage of the system until they rocketed off this planet? It'd be stupid not to.
"What's this stupid box in the way?" Cerpin frowned as they tried to push past another crowd, only to get trapped next to a huge crate. Climbing on top of the thing, he wedged open the top and peered inside. Letting out a whistle, it was clear that he was more than happy with the contents.
"It's a gogdamn motorbike! Ets, help me move it!" Scrambling off the top of it, Cerpin started shoving his weight against it to push it towards the cashiers. He was not giving up this beautiful beautiful machine. Not even Tevini was going to get to touch it seeing as she'd just disassemble it for parts.
Helega's Tuber Shack Small presents: Medium presents: 3 Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Small presents: 2 Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Quote:
6] Gain 1 medium present / Lose 1 hp You buy a pair of slippers that are designed to look like tubers. These better not show up in alt art.
"A motorbike!?" How had that gone so long without being bought already anyway? As she pressed her shoulder to it to help push, she entertained the idea of just unpacking it so they could ride it through the crowd. But that was silly. It probably didn't even have any fuel yet. "All I keep finding are these weird slippers. Do you want these ones?" Trolls kept trying to take them before she could, so they must have been worth something somewhere. She dropped them into the motorbike crate anyway.
10] Gain 1 huge present / Lose 1 hp Five trolls are brawling over the last Tickle Me Lusus in the store. You crawl up and grab it from between their feet.
Helega's Tuber Shack Small presents: 6 Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Outlet Small presents: Medium presents: 3 Large presents: Huge presents:
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex Small presents: Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents: 2
"Sure, toss me a pair." Cerpin laughed, looking at the weirdass slippers Etsali had found. How did they come up with this stuff? It was so bizarre but hey, a deal was a deal. You didn't come across slippers that cheap every night. He saw a bunch of trolls diving for something and elbowed one of them out of the way to get their first. Cerpin didn't even know what they were chasing but it had to be good if that many people wanted it. Fighting and wrestling the other four, the purpleblood emerged victorious with a small fluffy white lusus plush and he climbed onto the cart to rest for a moment.
Inspired by the beautiful chaos around him, Cerpin cleared his throat before breaking into whimsical song. Perhaps he'd suffered a blow to the head in the earlier scuffle.
"Roll roll roll your cart, Rudely down the aisle, Smashing trolls out of the way, With a greedy smile!"
Helega's Tuber Shack Small presents: 3 Medium presents: 3 Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Small presents: 2 Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Quote:
4] Gain 3 small presents / Lose 1 hp You find three spud-shaped erasers, sitting at the bottom of a bin.
Etsali stepped up on the bottom of the cart to get a little more height so she could watch Cerpin's progress through the fray. She called out a few cheers for him as he wrestled and then set to laughing triumphantly when he emerged the victor from the little fight with a prize in hand. As soon as he was settled in the cart, she began to push them onwards, but as they rounded the next aisle, she saw an opportunity too good to pass up. With a running start, she pushed off and hopped up fully on the back of the cart as it sped down the aisle all on its own.
"Out of the wayyyy!" Cackling as trolls dove out from in front of the speeding cart and entirely too amused by Cerpin's improvised song, she decided it didn't get much better than this. They had surely reached the pinnacle of shopping experiences. There could be no better way, no better- Ooh! Easy target!
She yoinked a small bin out of a troll's hands as they careened past and had no regrets even when it only turned out to contain some weird little erasers.
Yamashii
Yamashii rolled 1 10-sided dice:
7Total: 7 (1-10)
Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 10:08 pm
9/20 HP
Helega's Tuber Shack
7] Gain 2 small presents / Lose 2 hp Here are two shot glasses, to drink root-vegetable based drinks out of. They have miniature tubers painted on them.
Helega's Tuber Shack Small presents: 8 Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Outlet Small presents: Medium presents: 3 Large presents: Huge presents:
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex Small presents: Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents: 2
"Oooohhhhhhh! Nice score, Ets!" Cerpin let out a celebratory whoop as Etsali savagely snatched up a bin from another unsuspecting troll. They were bad bad people and yet the purpleblood felt like this was exactly what they were supposed to be doing. The orangeblood had a lot of spunk to her and the two of them only fed off of each other's misbehavior. Hopping up and out of the cart again, he saw a sampling station up ahead where trolls were gathered to try various drinks for sale. As the clerk moved to hand some shot glasses to a nice looking couple, Cerpin barged in to collect instead and raised them up over his head as he danced back to Etsali with a cheer.
"To the greatest haul in the world and the woman making it all possible!" Linking his arm through hers, he said a toast before downing the contents of whatever the ******** he'd just stolen.
Helega's Tuber Shack Small presents: 6 Medium presents: 3 Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Small presents: 2 Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Quote:
Gain 3 small presents / Lose 2 hp You've got your hands on three little statues of anthropomorphic vegetables, breakdancing. They're as tacky as they sound.
Right out of their hands! Etsali couldn't believe she'd never realized how much of a knack the purpleblood clearly had for a life of crime. Sure, he was a rebel too, and he hadn't seemed to mind that time he'd caught her robbing a hive, and he'd asked her to rob his hive for illegal beetles that one time too...Huh. She definitely hadn't been thinking, had she? It was terribly obvious in retrospect.
"To the best shopping partner in Alternia!" She returned, downing whatever was in her own glass. Some kind of vegetable drink, she guessed. Who even knew. "And to weird statues!" There was a just enough metal in the design to gleam in the store's lights from the shelf, and weird or not, that meant they were going in the cart.
Yamashii
Yamashii rolled 1 10-sided dice:
9Total: 9 (1-10)
Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 11:01 pm
6/20 HP
Helega's Tuber Shack
9] Gain 1 medium present / Lose 3 hp This toy is a vegetable that comes with small plastic facial features. Stick them on it, then eat it. It's like you killed a troll.
Helega's Tuber Shack Small presents: 8 Medium presents: 1 Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Outlet Small presents: Medium presents: 3 Large presents: Huge presents:
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex Small presents: Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents: 2
"Yeah, like this one too!" Cerpin easily got swept up into Etsali's toast and grabbed a random thing off a shelf. It looked to be some sort of odd plastic vegetable toy and he pondered what possible entertainment you could get out of it. Why not just eat the vegetable? But hey, maybe someone out there would like it. Tossing it in the cart, he grinned as the two troublemakers continued to collect more and more loot. Most of it was junk but there were the occasional standout items in there that might be worth something.
"Crap, I think the wheel's busted." As he tried to push the cart, something seemed to be wrong with the wheel after they'd collided with that shelving unit two aisles back. The cart still moved forward but an obnoxious squeaking came along with it.
Helega's Tuber Shack Small presents: 9 Medium presents: 3 Large presents: Huge presents:
Military Surplus Small presents: 2 Medium presents: Large presents: Huge presents:
Quote:
10] Gain 3 small presents / Lose 2 hp You've got your hands on three little statues of anthropomorphic vegetables, breakdancing. They're as tacky as they sound.
"Oh nooo." It had been such a good cart, too, so nice and speedy and still somehow not full. Unwilling to give it up without a fight, Etsali kept pushing it a little further, but eventually the ungodly squealing got to her too. It was no good. There were only a couple of options left to them now. One: Steal another cart and transfer ill-gotten goods into ill-gotten transport. The transferal process would cost them a lot of time, though, and leave them open for attack.
Two: Replace the wheel on this cart. Obviously they needed a wheel though, and these shiny dancing statues weren't going to help her with that. Not even the potatoes could help her here, although- No. No the potatoes wouldn't help. "How fast," she wondered aloud, "do you think we could swap wheels with another cart?"
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