[BATT] Execute Strategy: Holiday Hijinks (Tete & Aprife) [F]

[saedusk]

Quote:

You've found a fluffy ball on a chain. Hurrah.

Catching some deals was exactly what Aprife had planned. It didn't surprise him that Muerte caught on with one look at his map. There were certain things the greenblood lacked, street smarts being one of them, but his mind was sharp in other ways. Aprife could make up for his shortcomings in that area with sweeps upon sweeps of dealing directly with the streets himself. They really were a pretty good team.

"This time it might be better to try and navigate with the map as our guide," he suggested as they entered the Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex. "Could you hold onto it for me? Follow the line I drew, it's the best route around the store, in my opinion."

But of course, best laid plans of mice and men or not, someone always had to spoil the fun. For the moment, that was some faceless tealblood who bumped Aprife into a shelf and rattled a small, fluffy ball and chain straight into their cart. The very same cart he totally hadn't just stolen from the Military Surplus Outlet.

--

HP: 20/40

Shopping at: Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex
Present(s) Obtained: 1 Small

Totals:
Helega's Tuber Shack: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Military Surplus Outlet: 8 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large
Giggle's Mirthland: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex: 1 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large, 0 Huge
All: 9 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large, 0 Huge
 

[Melancholies]

Quote:

You've found a fluffy ball on a chain. Hurrah.

Muerte watched as the tealblood barreled into Aprife, and he got very poofy as a result. "Watch where the hell you're going! Morons..."

His eye roll landed him on the strange... ball object in their cart, and he blinked rapidly. What the hell was that? Why was it here? What purpose did it serve?

He grabbed another and slammed it into the cart.

"It doesn't help that our route is being unwittingly sabotaged by all these asinine idiots..." yes, he was definitely referring to all the trolls swarming around, one of which stepped on his (delicate) foot. He yelped audibly.



HP: 8/20 (splitting half w/ Aprife)

Shopping at: Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex
Present(s) Obtained: 1 small

Totals:
Helega's Tuber Shack: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Military Surplus Outlet: 8 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large
Giggle's Mirthland: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex: 2 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large, 0 Huge
All: 10 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large, 0 Huge  

[saedusk]

Quote:

You spot a huge crate wedged behind a pile of mark-downed hammer pants. Is that ... is that a motorbike?

"I had drawn these maps with crowds in mind, but I may have miscalculated. There are more trolls out than I'd anticipated." It was something he'd keep in mind for next sweep if they decided to do this again. He wasn't sure they would. Especially not as he watched Muerte toss yet another ball and chain into the cart.

"Anyway, after you, Doctor." As he moved to follow Muerte's lead, he winced. For the first time that night, he actually asked, "You okay?" They were off to a bad start in this store, it seemed.

Or maybe they weren't.

Behind a rack of completely unnecessary pants that Aprife hoped Muerte didn't try to snag, he noticed a huge box settled nice and ready for them on a pallet jack. The corner of his mouth twitched up. "Hey... I know I'm supposed to be the pack mule here, but you think maybe you could bring that with us?"

--

HP: 16/40 (took half damage from previous post)

Shopping at: Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex
Present(s) Obtained: 1 Huge

Totals:
Helega's Tuber Shack: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Military Surplus Outlet: 8 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large
Giggle's Mirthland: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex: 2 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large, 1 Huge
All: 10 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large, 1 Huge
 

[Melancholies]

Quote:

You've found a fluffy ball on a chain. Hurrah.

Muerte actually gave pause at Aprife's question, turning very slowly to face the yellowblood. After a few drawn out seconds of "hoofbeast-in-headlights', he flushed and turned away with a huff. "I'm fine!" his voice pitched slightly and he cleared his throat, "I'm... fine." that time it was a lot quieter, a little more subtle.

Truth be told, Muerte was in fact eyeing the pants, but whatever it was behind them was so much better. Muerte didn't even know what the hell it was, but the box was big, and that was just great. Bigger was better!... usually, unless you were talking about Muerte, and then size didn't really matter. Yes, it was purely subjective, purely... in a materialistic sense.

At least the boots he was wearing had a slight incline to them. He huffed again as he tried to stand a little taller. Damn you Invasi. He grabbed another one of the fluffy balls as retribution; as defiance.

"Are you underestimating me?!" he stomped his foot before wrapping his slender fingers around the pallet jack handle. It sort of sounded like he was trying to spew more accusations—perhaps insults—but it came out instead as incoherent garbling as he threw his weight into unjamming the crate from behind the clothing. Eventually it broke free, rolling slightly on the shiny looking equipment. Could they steal this too? Probably not.

"Also, I had a thought." he looked up at Aprife, mood seemingly improving again, "That perhaps we should—"

His voice was cut off as a mob of trolls (they seemed very overtaken with those marked down pants) rushed over, all of them a lot taller than the greenblood could ever dream of being.



HP: 7/20 (Aprife is taking 5!)

Shopping at: Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex
Present(s) Obtained: 1 small

Totals:
Helega's Tuber Shack: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Military Surplus Outlet: 8 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large
Giggle's Mirthland: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex: 3 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large, 1 Huge
All: 11 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large, 1 Huge  

[saedusk]

"I know better than to underestimate you." Just like he'd known better than to think Muerte would admit to being anything other than okay. Still, the fact that he had pep left to huff made Aprife feel better. It would've urged a genuine smile out of him had they not been so quickly overtaken by holiday shoppers.

He'd seen that defiant toss of yet another fluffy ball into their cart—damn it Muerte—but Aprife had other, much more pressing worries now. He acted immediately, shoving in to rescue his companion from the violent, uncaring mass of troll flesh.

he hissed, shoving one troll, then another to the side. He took a pretty good blow to the gut for his efforts, but he held his arms out like a shield to help Muerte make it through the crowd. It was fine, Aprife would be okay as long as Muerte was, too. "Let's get the ******** out of here."

Melancholies

 

[Melancholies]

"Holy <********> he startled a the crowd, and then startled again at Aprife's divine intervention, it was hard to tell if he was screaming at the crowd or at Aprife's now very close proximity.

Death grip on the pallet lift, he shoved his way to safety, taking refuge in a sparse corner of the shopping center. The shelves had been picked clean, like bones of a carcass left behind by carrion scavengers. A few other war torn trolls meandered their way through this graveyard, some dazed and confused, other seeking the same respite they were. Muerte, unfortunately, still had an ounce of fight in him. He looked up at Aprife.

"You absolutely—! Insufferable idiot!" he was huffing again folding his arms and then putting his hands on his hips and then gesticulating to the air so god and everyone could see what he was doing. "What in the ********> were you even thinking?!" Was this concern? Probably. He huffed over to the yellowblood to give him a quick once over, but there was no blood to be seen. Any injuries—had he sustained them in the first place—would be largely internal. Unless he actually was bleeding under all the layers and slowly dying, which would be unfortunate, because there was no way Muerte could haul all of this back by his goddamn self.

"Don't do stupid mindless stupid s**t like that." he muttered to himself, pulling out the map again to pointedly hide behind it. "You'll get hurt and then I'll have to be the one to patch you up, and—" he cut himself off mid rant, shaking his head.

"We're going here." he finally let the map down enough so Aprife could see their next destination. He was pointing out the tuber shack, tapping the destination repeatedly with his finger for good measure. "So I can get my birds some treats, okay? And you better not b***h about it, Aprife."

Besides, it seemed a lot more lowkey and innocuous than the prior two places. Hopefully a lot less crowded too.

saedusk

 

[saedusk]

With some luck, they managed to make it out of the hell-crowd alive with everything they'd snagged since the beginning of their makeshift shopping adventure; Thank ******** for that, too, he would've been royally pissed if they'd lost anything they'd fought so hard for. Sure, Aprife may have gotten a touch roughed up, but he looked as if he'd completely disregard the thought now that they were home free. All was well. He was wearing one of his trademark grins again, ready to snark back and forth with Muerte. It was a common occurrence, after all. What he got was entirely different.

Aprife's eyes widened, the only outward sign he comprehended how utterly surprising this outburst was. This wasn't a life-or-death war on the front lines versus the Queen's trained headhunters. This wasn't even really a fight. It was dangerous, sure, trolls were violent by nature, greedy, materialistic, willing to murder for profit if it came down to it. Still, Aprife hadn't rushed into the crowd thinking he'd wind up dead.

What did he think when he rushed into the crowd, then?

He thought about helping Muerte, making sure he didn't get trampled. Other than that, he'd made the rookie mistake of neglecting to weigh the entirety of his options before leaping into the fray. Any other time it might've hurt more than this, it might've stung knowing he'd failed in his one necessary job. The reality of the situation was, though, that Muerte was okay and Aprife was okay and they were both going shopping and that was it. What really hit him wasn't the situation, it was the way Muerte reacted. It was as if... he was genuinely concerned.

Aprife understood what it meant to show care by lashing out. He understood and it made his chest tighten again, made him feel bad for worrying Muerte, made him want to make up for it. Closing the distance between them, he lifted a tentative hand to the greenblood's shoulder. On his wrist, his horn ring turned bracelet gently swayed. "I'm..." Aprife didn't apologize often, not while meaning it, but he continued, "I'm sorry... Put up with me, alright?"

Then his hand slid like it meant to drop away, but it didn't, not quite. He was struck yet again hearing his name, his first name, because Muerte had called him Invasi for so long that he never realized until now how weirdly significant it could feel to hear Aprife instead. "Yeah, yeah, you won't hear me complain. We'll get the birds something nice."

Melancholiessss

 

[Melancholies]

Quote:

You find an unlabeled box with a picture of a dancing root vegetable on it.

Muerte stared hard at Aprife for a moment, letting the gravity of the situation sink in. The yellowblood apologized. He backed down. Something in his expression has changed—and it was so subtle—but Muerte didn't have the empathy necessary to parse through it. Hell, he couldn't understand his own emotions, let alone the array of feelings that other trolls displayed. Not that Aprife was really displaying anything.

"I..." he sighed, seemingly conceding himself as well, "I suppose. Just don't do it again." he turned his nose up at the yellowblood as best he could. "I'm not going to be the one to drag all of this and all of you alone, do you understand?"

He knew Aprife understood, but this was Muerte, and he seemed to enjoy reiterating things.

The tuber shack wasn't a terribly far treck from the Megacomplex, which was good because Aprife still had the cart from the surplus outlet and now Muerte was lugging around the pallet jack still. He wondered if he could somehow consolidate the two, mostly so he could pawn all the weight back off on Aprife again. His arms were tired and the soles of his feet were starting to hurt; <******** boots, ******** heels.

The unfortunate thing here was the over abundance of potatoes, and the sore lack of other various veggies. He couldn't feed his birds potatoes. It didn't stop him from picking out a box with a gleeful spud on the front. What even was this? The box gave no real indication. He scooped it up with his growing collection regardless, gusto dwindling. He was obviously tired.

"Let me know if you see anything that isn't a ******** potato." he told Aprife as he scanned the aisles with dismay. "At least the crowd is thin here. You're not dying or anything inconvenient are you?" he didn't look at the taller troll when he spoke, still parsing over the rows and rows of spuds...


HP: 4/20

Shopping at: Helega's Tuber Shack
Present(s) Obtained: 1 medium

Totals:
Helega's Tuber Shack: 0 Small, 1 Medium, 0 Large
Military Surplus Outlet: 8 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large
Giggle's Mirthland: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex: 3 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large, 1 Huge
All: 11 Small, 2 Medium, 2 Large, 1 Huge  

[saedusk]

Quote:

You find an unlabeled box with a picture of a dancing root vegetable on it. The vegetable looks happy, so you figure it's a good sign.

Aprife knew that Muerte knew he understood. It didn't require an answer and so he remained silent as they pushed their paid for goods in their stolen carts to the next stop on the list. The mood was considerably more solemn, but Aprife got the feeling exhaustion was the true culprit. He didn't even bother with the map. After this, they were definitely going home.

"I'll let you know," he promised as he watched Muerte add an unlabeled and probably un-useful box of who-knew-what to the cart. Honestly, Aprife didn't have the energy to mentally question it. They were already moving on, but in that instant he decided to take a page straight out of the greenblood's book. One probably useless something wasn't enough. He grabbed another and set it on top of the first.

"I know I asked you to put up with me, but I'm done with the inconveniencing. For now, anyway." Taking one poignant look down at himself, he added, "Still alive."

--

HP: 8/40

Shopping at: Helega's Tuber Shack
Present(s) Obtained: 1 Medium

Totals:
Helega's Tuber Shack: 0 Small, 2 Medium, 0 Large
Military Surplus Outlet: 8 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large
Giggle's Mirthland: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex: 3 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large, 1 Huge
All: 11 Small, 3 Medium, 2 Large, 1 Huge
 

[Melancholies]

Quote:

You select three 'humorous' vegetable-shaped tea cozies. You're not sure what the joke is, they're just shaped like a - oh.

"Indeed." Muerte clicked his tongue against his teeth, eyeing up an array of drink cozies. He didn't get it. He looked at them for a while. He still didn't get it. He grabbed three of them anyway. So much for featherbeast feed.

"I'm holding you up to that, you know." The greenblood poofed up a little bit, only looking slightly frazzled as he pushed around the hefty motorbike. After a moment, he paused.

"Tell me, Aprife." his voice was very serious, very intellectual, very specific, "Did you account for taking all of this back to the hive in your grand plan?" It sounded condescending, but everything Muerte said sounded that way. In reality, it was just a simple question.


HP: 2/20

Shopping at: Helega's Tuber Shack
Present(s) Obtained: 3 small

Totals:
Helega's Tuber Shack: 3 Small, 2 Medium, 0 Large
Military Surplus Outlet: 8 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large
Giggle's Mirthland: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex: 3 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large, 1 Huge
All: 14 Small, 2 Medium, 2 Large, 1 Huge  

[saedusk]

Quote:

You buy a pair of slippers that are designed to look like tubers. These better not show up in alt art.

"I'd like to think I'm pretty reliable." Watching Muerte add the cozies to the cart and knowing, just knowing, that he didn't get the joke actually managed to make Aprife smile in a way the gag gifts never could. "So, y'know, feel free to hold me to it."

Funny thing was, Aprife took note of the way Muerte's voice was edged with condescension as it always was. Aprife took note of most things, after all. That was his job, to keep his eyes and ears open, to read people and know their angles. Even so, even hearing it, it didn't come off that way to him. It was simply how the good doctor was. And, well, the yellowblood was used to it.

"Of course I did," except as he spoke he looked at the motorbike crate. He hadn't quite accounted for anything of that size. "Near the edge of the swamp I've left us something that should make it through the muck just fine."

That something was nothing more than a firm sheet of wood atop makeshift skis, but he was sure it would work out. As if to drive his point home, he grabbed another item that very second and added it to the cart. A pair of slippers, a little silly, but he was sure Muerte's feet would be cold and achey by the time they got home. He could use these, right?

--

HP: 7/40

Shopping at: Helega's Tuber Shack
Present(s) Obtained: 1 Medium

Totals:
Helega's Tuber Shack: 3 Small, 3 Medium, 0 Large
Military Surplus Outlet: 8 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large
Giggle's Mirthland: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex: 3 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large, 1 Huge
All: 14 Small, 4 Medium, 2 Large, 1 Huge
 

[Melancholies]

Quote:

Here are two shot glasses, to drink root-vegetable based drinks out of. They have miniature tubers painted on them.

Muerte's eyebrow shot up inquisitively, and then his lips cracked into a tired, but pleased grin. "Forgive me for assuming then." his voice was sarcastic, but he seemed content enough. He valued those who could remain prepared and think ahead, after all.

"Oh christ," he grabbed the shot glasses, "Finally something I can use when we get back."


HP: 1/20 (aprife is taking 1 dmg!)

Shopping at: Helega's Tuber Shack
Present(s) Obtained: 2 small

Totals:
Helega's Tuber Shack: 5 Small, 2 Medium, 0 Large
Military Surplus Outlet: 8 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large
Giggle's Mirthland: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex: 3 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large, 1 Huge
All: 16 Small, 2 Medium, 2 Large, 1 Huge  

[saedusk]

Quote:

You select three 'humorous' vegetable-shaped tea cozies. You're not sure what the joke is, they're just shaped like a - oh.

"I hope you plan on sharing those," he said with a small, half-laugh, "I think I'm gonna need it." Speaking of need, shoved behind what few shot glasses remained on the shelf were a small selection of those questionable cozies from an aisle or two over. Okay, so they didn't really need more of them, but Aprife did enjoy tea—with extra honey, of course—so what did it hurt?

"If I remember right, there's only one more aisle that really matters," he told Muerte as he leaned heavily on the handle of the cart.

--

HP: 4/40

Shopping at: Helega's Tuber Shack
Present(s) Obtained: 3 Small

Totals:
Helega's Tuber Shack: 8 Small, 3 Medium, 0 Large
Military Surplus Outlet: 8 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large
Giggle's Mirthland: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex: 3 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large, 1 Huge
All: 19 Small, 4 Medium, 2 Large, 1 Huge
 

[Melancholies]

Quote:

You find an unlabeled box with a picture of a dancing root vegetable on it. The vegetable looks happy, so you figure it's a good sign.

Here in the desolate aisles of the Tuber Shack, there weren't many trolls to content with. There wasn't anyone to barge into him, or step on his feet, or clobber into his thinkpan. It should have been relatively easy, relatively serene, and most importantly relaxing after the whole ordeal they'd both been through. And it wasn't that it was necessarily the opposite—because there was no strife here, not like the mega complex—but there was still something tangible in the air that sent Muerte over the edge.

He looked to the unlabeled box. It was the first of many. The least of all. He dropped it into the cart, watched the box drop in slow motion, watched as his entire life fell with the happy vegetable. It landed into the cart with a resounding sound.

"I'm done." he said suddenly, earnestly, before turning to leave. "I'm done and I'm going home."


HP: 0/20 (aprife is taking 2)

Shopping at: Helega's Tuber Shack
Present(s) Obtained: 1 medium

Totals:
Helega's Tuber Shack: 5 Small, 4 Medium, 0 Large
Military Surplus Outlet: 8 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large
Giggle's Mirthland: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex: 3 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large, 1 Huge
All: 19 Small, 5 Medium, 2 Large, 1 Huge  

[saedusk]

Quote:

You buy two potatoes. Jackpot.

As Aprife watched Muerte, it was literally like watching a car run out of gas, puttering and stuttering until it stopped. There wasn't any literal puttering or stuttering, of course, but the light drained from his eye and and Aprife knew that was it. When he heard the finality of his tone, he wasn't all that surprised.

There was no argument about it. He walked past a display of vegetables, grabbed exactly two potatoes—oh, also a bunch of carrots for the birds— and threw them into the cart. From there he followed Muerte to the front of the store. The lines, like the store by some stroke of luck, were not quite as long or awful as the last.

"Alright," Aprife said, finally speaking. "I think that's about enough of this. Maybe next sweep- Actually, y'know what, nevermind. Let's just go home."

--

HP: 0/40

Shopping at: Helega's Tuber Shack
Present(s) Obtained: 2 Small

Totals:
Helega's Tuber Shack: 10 Small, 4 Medium, 0 Large
Military Surplus Outlet: 8 Small, 1 Medium, 2 Large
Giggle's Mirthland: 0 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large
Dry and Wet Goods Megacomplex: 3 Small, 0 Medium, 0 Large, 1 Huge
All: 21 Small, 5 Medium, 2 Large, 1 Huge