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amicableAggressor Vice Captain
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 Posted: Fri May 20, 2016 10:36 am
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Everyone loves alliteration.
Striding ahead, Regina frowned at the ground in concentration. Kursha was a useful troll, and if she was being honest, probably the person she'd put the most trust into right now. If not for any other reason, then for the fact that he was, at the time being, firmly hitched to her starship. She needed him in a alert, prepared, yet controlled and centred place. Not a place where he would pick up his rifle and club his way through her more covert plans, screaming and flailing at a tv camera. Even at the dinner party he had chosen the louder form of discipline, rather than just taking the little grubs somewhere quiet and slicing off a knuckle. She wanted wartime Kursha with his manic energy, but she also needed a more slick, collected and respectable public Kursha, if she was going to be seen working with him. Acting like he was now would not only frighten the civilian dirtbloods, it also showed a lack of her control over him. Both were very, very bad for her public image.
The Regina of a few sweeps ago was yelling in her thinkpan that trolls like Vidari were one in a million - that his ability to slip from slimly cheerfulness into a manic rage and back again was a great /fun/ tool that she could make plenty of use of. And if it wasn't, then Gl was always looking for a fresh snack. She smacked up against current Regina, who felt that she had seen more and more trolls display the exact same talent, with an even better gift, the magical grasp of timing. And while Kursha was being outperformed in his fits of rage, at the same time the option of chucking him out the window was becoming undesirable. That was the real point of the matter. The empress felt that she could, to an extent, be honest with him when she talked. There were precious few trolls that fell under this category, and she wanted to keep them all alive for as long as she could. Maybe, Regina reflected, as she turned to eye him over, it was sentimentality. She was just going soft in her old age.
"So." Leaning back against the booth, she eyed the other stands surrounding them, all with their backs turned to the trolls, and all with discarded boxes, empty packets, and other garbage littered around. It wasn't the most ideal place for Regina to yet again pry into the wiggling grubslicker-filled box that was Kursha's relationship with the Phoenix Initiative. However, the empress always tried to make the best of what she had to work with. Perhaps the informal setting might even work to her favor. Or maybe Vidari would realize himself that things needed to either change, or be dealt with one way or another. Turning her eyes back to Kursha, she gave a quirked smile. "You don't have many fond memories of that redblood do you? Odette Cygnet?"
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2016 8:50 pm
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Damn Regina.
Despite his calm presentation, inwardly Kursha seethed, the only clue to his agitation his crossed arms. No matter what he did, he could not get a read on the empress for any longer than a couple of seconds. He saw only what she wanted him to see and nothing else. Back in Chittentown he had initiated their game of subtext, but it was with increasing frustration that he felt like he kept falling short. She could see farther than he could. It should have been a humbling realisation, but Kursha could not acknowledge defeat. The minute he truly lost would be the minute he gave up.
Kursha shifted his weight over his right foot. “She's useless—worse than useless,” he said, careful to check the venom in his tone. For now, he would give it to Regina straight. As far as he was concerned, he was on thin ice, and as long as he was there was no sense in tempting fate. “At least everyone else had some grasp of what they were up against, what the stakes were. She just expected to have everything handed to her.” Sourly, he thought back to when Zeffer had executed Errade Etturi, and Odette had pitched a fit. Her following promotion only served to put salt in the wound.
Uncrossing his arms, Kursha lowered his voice. “Don't take this the wrong way, but I've got respect for the initiative. I don't agree with their goals necessarily...” He grinned, some of his cheek returning. “But I do think their dedication is admirable. Some of them anyway.” Smile fading, he waved a hand dismissively. At least Byakko had her thinkpan in the right place.
“Point is Odette is a weak link. I didn't expect you to allow her to parade around in public like that,” he said.“Flaunting her status against your authority.” Admittedly, that last part went unspoken. He sure as hell thought it though.
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amicableAggressor Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2016 9:33 pm
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"You're wrong." Regina's tone wasn't overly accusatory, nor was it condescending. For the time being, the table thumping empress with the sharp eyes and the hard tone had receded back in, and the amused and relaxed seadweller was back. Leaning back against the booth she looked almost sly.
"Partly. Cygnet is worse than useless when she's with her little band of merry gentletrolls. She's not a revolutionary, even though she plays at it." She had no arguments with Vidari's analysis of Odette's jaunt with the initiative. A bad fit all around. It had been half disappointing, half pleasing to find out the redblood was a traitor. A nice thing about being the absolute ruler of the planet was that she could justifiably cull the blossoming starlet at any time. Her connection to the laughable Initiative just meant that if the day came, Regina wouldn't even hesitate. And if Odette had ever been unsure of the magnitude of her opponent, it would also bring about the ultimate and final clarity.
Pushing aside the ultimate solution, Regina considered the rest of what Kursha had said. One moment he seemed so politically savy, the next he had the same foresight as any military grunt. 'Odette Cygnet is weak and useless in combat and survival settings. Therefore, she is useless in life.' The fact that she had survived to adulthood somehow, being as pathetic as she was, didn't even factor into his consideration.
Regina tsked mentally. Was she going to have to teach Kursha about pity, and about manipulation through ways other than force? On one hand, she wasn't his lusus, but on the other hand, maybe he'd learn something. Leaning in, she raised an eyebrow. "But why focus on that? I'd like to see you sway hearts and influence trolls the way she can with a simple gesture. You say she expects everything to be handed to her, but why would she not? With a face like that? She got that tealblood to risk everything in return for her - now he's riding the Odette Express like it's going somewhere. How many trolls can you say are that devoted to you? Let's have a number."
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2016 9:40 am
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Regina's words cut far deeper than she could have ever intended. It was only thanks to the colour of her blood and some lingering presence of sanity that she did not end up on the ground, spitting teeth.
Kursha bowed his head and squared his shoulders, unable to meet the empress's gaze. Hands shaking, he felt faint with rage as his temperature rocketed. His fingers curled into fists, nails gouging deep grooves into the palms of his gloves. At the same time his jaw clenched so tight it seemed like his teeth would shatter. It was as though there was a spotlight on him, highlighting all his inadequacies for the rest of the world to see.
Why...?
Odette did nothing. She sat back, cried, complained, and the world threw itself at her feet. Her entire existence relied on preying on the hardship of others like a parasite. Yet they loved her for it. How was that fair? How could anyone commend her for that? It wasn't his fault he wasn't fooled. It wasn't his fault he knew better.
He tried so hard. He tried harder than anyone else; he gave up everything just to get ahead, and only barely broke even. But since when had anyone ever given a damn? Never. No matter what he did, he was the enemy. The few times he lowered his guard, he had been shown time and time again that was a mistake. The most he could offer was an illusion, while burying his true self deep. Remember control. Remember—show no weakness. Kursha remembered.
So, why was nothing ever good enough?
His throat turned tight. Taking a shaky breath through his teeth, Kursha swallowed. “I don't...” he started. The leather of his gloves creaked. “... Need anyone devoted to me!”
There it was. There was no going back. He would make every mistake regardless of the consequences. He would fall until he crashed at the very bottom.
“If you wanted me to start taking notes all you had to do was say so. But don’t lecture me like I don’t know! I know it better than anyone else. I don’t need that kind of pity from anyone! I just… I want to be useful no matter what. So instead of beating around the bush, just tell me how to do better!”
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amicableAggressor Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2016 10:10 am
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Again the empress frowned, though this time it was at herself. Was she playing too rough? Vidari was unravelling in front of her - all she had done was try to make a point. This wasn't supposed to be 'drive the greenblood to tears', it was supposed to be a pep talk, a get-to-know-you-better. Maybe trying to take him into her confidence was a bad idea. After all, he wasn't even teal. No leadership skills, no desire to take charge. He just 'wanted to be useful'.
Regina berated herself. She had read his attitude as ambition, his goals to climb the social and military ladder. No wonder he was so snappy, so uncomfortable. She was treating him like a blueblood, and the pressure had been showing the entire time. Only now was she putting two and two together. It was a Schrad all over again - lowbloods being elevated too high and floundering. "Hey Vidari, hey. There's no need for any of that kinda talk."
Stepping forwards, she reached out and linked arms with Kursha, patting him on the elbow with her other hand. The sly look vanished back into her face, and the queen was back to a cheery, reassuring smile. "Relax! It's alright! I was just saying. No need to get all worked up. We're still young, you got your whole life ahead of you. Maybe you don't think that kinda stuff's important now, but I'm sure when you find the right troll it'll be different. Heck - I got my work cut out there as well. Who in their right mind's gonna pity the empress of all Alternia?"
Green Minuet shh. shhh... shhhh..... its ok .... 
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Posted: Tue May 24, 2016 6:35 am
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As soon as Kursha finished, all his energy fled. He felt physically drained from the outburst. At the same time, his anger seemed to have evaporated. His shoulders slumped and the shaking in his hands came to a stop. His breathing and heart rate slowed to a regular rhythm. He took in a deep breath, mind blank. Gradually the lightness in his head began to fade. Once again he felt grounded. Stable. More than that however, he felt a sense of calm. No regret. Just calm.
It was inexplicable. Even as his thoughts settled and he realised his own misstep, he felt at ease. Perhaps he had been running on paranoia too long to care. Perhaps the lack of scathing disappointment pulled a switch in his head. Perhaps he felt as though he had nothing more to lose. After all, he had been so desperate to guard that one piece of himself more than any other, but instead he had given it all away. He might as well have raised a white flag and called it a night. He was done for.
Worst of all she had nailed him without even trying.
As the queen attempted to placate him, Kursha’s shoulders began to shake. He wasn’t an idiot. Even if she meant well, he knew when he was being patronised. She looked down on him. For once though that realisation did not send flying into a rage. He had given her every right to patronise him.
Kursha began to laugh.
Not a wild, half-hysteric laugh, but something controlled yet genuine. For the first time since his outburst, he returned Regina’s gaze. “Gotcha,” he said, wearing a grin. He slipped his arm from empress's. Hands on his hips, he leaned down towards the seadweller. “You asked, I delivered. So that at least counts for one.”
&amicableAggressor Did you get whiplash? I got whiplash. Meanwhile the Kursha/Regina show of revolving faces continues. |
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amicableAggressor Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue May 24, 2016 9:46 am
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As Kursha swiftly removed his arm from hers, Regina suppressed an eye roll. As if anything could echo her last statement more firmly, she had yet to meet a troll who was even comfortable with her touching them. Her smile broadening with Kursha's laugh, Regina tucked her empty hands into her pockets, nodding in outward agreement. Vidari had slid back into his game face, but for her, the point had been made. There was going to be no more prodding or playful jabs. He certainly wouldn't be getting other chances to lead trolls into the field. She felt the bitter taste of disappointment, but swallowed it down.
"Yeah - there we go! Anyway. I really only stopped by to say that I got plans for Odette Cygnet. If you want to do permanent damage to her you'd better find me a replacement beforehand, or it's coming out of your hide. Vidari. She's as much under my service as you are now. That means I'd say the same for any troll who tried to mess with you. Don't. Get in her way. Are we clear?" Because honestly Kursha, I trust you about as much as I do her, and you've both got the exact same background from where I see it.
It was an order. The first she'd ever given to him knowingly, and the first time she was unsure if he'd follow through. She did hope he would. Although he had just demoted himself in front of her, she still didn't want to do any lasting damage to Kursha. She doubted he'd throw another fit. If he didn't take what she said seriously, she'd hear about him clashing with Cygnet sooner or later, possibly in the tabloids. As it was, Regina watched him closely, waiting for any signs of irritation or insubordination.
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amicableAggressor Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu May 26, 2016 7:39 pm
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Posted: Sun May 29, 2016 10:59 pm
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It came to an abrupt end.
One word—done. One look—gone. One minute—nothing.
He watched Regina leave without comment. Every second that slid past, he lived through with full clarity. He was standing still; he knew he was standing still. Yet he could not bring himself to move. Following his capacity to panic, everything else had shut down save for a sense of hyper-awareness. He felt his pulse steady in his throat, the stiffness in his arms, in his face, the tightness of bandages around his torso. A breeze ruffled his hair. He was unmoved. Action had never been difficult for him; so often his body moved on its own. Now it had become unresponsive. He needed to think.
Very deliberately, Kursha ran a hand through his hair. The motion felt strange and alien. He was not himself. His mind remained blank, despite several attempts to initiate some kind of internal dialogue. His own voice only looped back over and over: simultaneous silence and noise. He closed his eyes to try and find some kind of mental landmark. The sounds of the festival around him faded.
Everything was...
...fine.
Something clicked into place. He opened his eyes. He could not process his latest interaction with Regina. Reading between the lines to find the subtext was not hard. Short words and short tempers left little to wonder about. Yet every time he tried, his thoughts flatlined. So think about something else. Think about Odette, think about Aandes, think about Lorata. Those were easier to process. They gave him direction. And at least, even if he felt no different than before, at least he could fake it.
Several minutes had passed since Regina left; several more since he had left the booth unattended. It was time to get back to it. Turning, Kursha made his way around the trash and debris and back to the front.
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