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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2015 9:47 pm
 The restaurant was dimly lit by single candles on each table. The establishment was new and Hen Cackle had taken it upon herself to try their fare. She liked to go around to different diners, restaurants, and such in order to taste test new menu items. Even though she worked as part of the Birthday Crew during the day she liked to run a small food review blog. As a hobby. So far very few places or chefs were up to snuff. The soup she'd ordered as an appetizer was sub-par, their bread sticks tasted stale and had the consistency of dough, and she was starting to rethink her policy on not saying anything until after the meal. This was a disaster. It was a wonder to her none of the other patrons were wailing in misery like she wanted to.
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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2015 10:35 pm

Macaron Critique was at the table behind Hen Cackle, oblivious to her pain. He was in his own personal hell.
"And just what the heck am I supposed to do with this risotto!?" he said loudly, bringing glares from the ponies around him. The waiter looked scared, eyes wide. "Because you can't expect me to eat it! Am I supposed to plaster some wallpaper with it? Because it might help this dismal place brighten up!" He shoved the plate forcefully at the waiter, eyes wide with anger as his chef hat sat askew. "Forget it, I'll take my main course. And so help me, if it is cold someone's head will roll." His last sentence was punctuated with a slap of a hoof on another. The waiter scampered away, and Macaron sipped his water nonchalantly while ponies continued to stare.
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Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 10:32 am
Hen Cackle's eyes went wide when she heard the fit, but unlike the rest of the customers (who were looking on with disdain or fright) a smile crept onto the mare's face. His threat of violence if the main dish was cold was wonderful enough, but when he so casually took a sip of his drink afterwards-- Hen Cackle quietly chuckled to herself. What a wonderful display. Just then her main dish was presented to her. Chicken cordon bleu; easy enough to cook, difficult to mess up, but with a delightful flavor combination that just sang when done right. She took knife and fork in hand. This was it ... the defining moment- And it was pink. "It's raw. This chicken is raw enough to walk out the door and become a bad joke." She said it sweetly. Dangerously so. Like poison candy. "How could anyone be stupid enough to mess this up? Tell me. I honestly want to know." She'd done it. She'd broken her own rule about not saying anything negative until posting her review, but seriously? Her face was plastered with a passive-aggressive smile- "I wish to speak to your head chef. At once."
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Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2015 11:42 am
Now it was Macaron's turn to listen in on a dissatisfied customer. Where he was loud and brash, she was quiet and almost jokingly sweet about it. He turned to face one eye toward his fellow complainer and saw a bright yellow phony with ridiculous hair. She was asking for the chef, and he groaned. How as his meal supposed to be cooked if he was out here being berated? And not by him?
The waiter looked terrified, and silently cursed coming into work today as he left Hen's table to get the chef.
Well, it couldn't be all bad. Maybe I can get a few insults in as well."
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 6:27 pm
Hen Cackle smiled triumphantly as the waiter walked away. The further his shoulders slumped the higher she felt. Of course, there was the chance that other patrons wouldn't getting their meals ... but really she was doing them a favor in that case. She shoved a fork at her lump of filth the chef had called her meal and sneered. The chef came out in a huff and stopped at her table. Glowering down at her and snarling he tried to cut quite a figure, but she was unimpressed and still looking down at her plate. "I expect an apology for expecting me to eat something so clearly inedible. In fact," she said as she stood up, "I encourage everyone here to let this insult to the cooking profession know just how badly he's screwed up."
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 7:52 pm
Ah here comes to poor soul. Trying to look scary, knowing that this is not going to end well for him. He expected Macaron to be the table he was going to; the critic had called ahead to say that he will be there, but this was not so. It was in front of Hen Cackle he had to stop, with Macaron staring at him from the table next to her.
His face flushed with anger as she announced his lackluster performance to all.
"Really! I don't think it's necessary to throw me through the mud like that!" he said, red faced and angry.
For a minute, no one said anything. A few people and phonies looked at their plates, quietly eating. Others were making it a point not to look at the show happening before them. Macaron adjusted his hat, and rose from his seat.
"I don't know what you are all waiting for." he said haughtily. "Or what food you are eating that deserves sparing him. But I was just served wall plaster. And my salad! The croutons were so soggy, I'm assuming it was made in a bathtub!"
"If she hadn't brought you out here, I would have." he finished, tipping his chef hat to her.
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Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2015 12:23 am
She straightened her back just a little bit more, and using her knife and fork cut into the raw meat to expose the pinkness within. With a gesture she indicated the chef should look at it. "This chicken is so uncooked a skilled veterinarian could revive it." This chef was a disappointment, but even worse were the phonies still eating. They were going to get food poisoning at best and salmonella at worst. She rolled her eyes, but looked around when another voice spoke up. There he was- A chef's hat atop his head, and a look of pure disgust. Not aimed at her, but aimed in the same direction as her ire. He tipped his hat when he was done saying his piece and she nodded back. There was nothing more relieving than finding a kindred spirit. "Oh, yes! Don't even get me started on my appetizer. Though it was hardly appetizing at all. Risotto stuffed mushrooms are supposed to be flavorful! Complex! Instead I got under cooked, under seasoned, rice in too salty frozen mushrooms. How are you even still in business? Tell me; just sate my curiosity here, but do you know what an egg is? At this point it wouldn't surprise me if you knew what even the most basic essentials were let alone how to cook them." She shook her head then turned a friendly enough face to the pink pegasus. "Hen Cackle," she introduced herself, "it's a pleasure to meet someone that knows what food actually is. Would you like to get out of this dump and find somewhere with a real chef?"
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2016 11:03 pm
Macaron listened to the yellow mare's critique with an air of interest. Hr descriptions of the cook's food were delightful, and the anger that he saw in the chef was enough for him to break into a smile of triumph. He tipped his chef hat to her as she introduced herself.
"Macaron Critique." he said, moving away from the table and glaring at the staff, as if daring them to ask him to pay for the garbage he was given. No one moved, and the restaurant was quiet.
"I'd love to find a place that serves actual food, if you know of one." He made his way toward the door, looking over his shoulder. "Anything is better than the disastrous excuse for a meal."
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