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 Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2015 7:37 am
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"Well…alright then. Thank you." Of course he wouldn't elaborate. Ripley frowned lightly, trying to imagine why Finn would even bother at this point. Sure, the suggestion of love did come up, but it only raised a few more questions for him. He felt like it should be simple, and easy to understand; but there was something there. A break in the tracks of his thoughts, some rather large disconnect. One that didn't ultimately derail anything obvious, but there.
He leaned forward enough to take up the offered glass, and he took a sip as he leaned back again, waiting for the first shared memory. When the vague question came, he searched his thoughts, then nodded.
"Yes. I was mad that you harassed me relentlessly after Shaheen attacked me. You thought I had been trying to commit suicide." His head tilted again, humming as he recalled the rest of it. "You told me that you cared about me, and I told you that I couldn't return your feelings." Which seemed pretty par for the course right now, though he felt that, under the situation, he likely should have ended the agreement. They had, after all, agreed to no feelings, more or less.
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Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2015 9:25 am
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Finn actually chuckled lightly at the memory as Ripley explained it in further depth, proving that he remembered all, if not most of it. While it wasn't exactly a fond memory, the moon hunter could at least look back on it with some amusement.
"You nearly broke my nose." He pointed out, "All I did was keep you awake for a few days."
As if that was absolutely nothing in comparison.
"Also one could argue that the fact that you didn't end things right then and there proves that you already were returning my feelings." His smile was forced, bland, and he took a deep drink of his whiskey, which burned pleasantly all the way down. "Which is why I bring it up."
A pause. Maybe they needed to go further back?
"Do you remember Wonderland? More specifically, the mirrors?"
Finn pulled out his chair and sat back down, settling in for however long Ripley was willing to put up with this.
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Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2015 11:09 am
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"That's a terrible excuse. You deserved it." Even now, with this gaps, Ripley was still a firm believer that Finn quite deserved the nearly-broken nose. He'd likely do it again too, if presented with that very situation again. Finn then pointed out the possibility of him returning these feelings, despite refusing them.
"I suppose." He conceded that point, wondering if now some magical ability to feel for someone really had been taken away. Whatever was missing was clearly involved, especially when otherwise, such a decision would have made no sense. When asked about the mirrors, Ripley nodded.
"The mirrors showed us memories and insights." He recounted vaguely, though the memory of his particular one no longer broke him to the point of tears. "Mine had been upsetting to me, and you hugged me." There was a small pause. "You also knocked me out, if memory serves." He added dryly.
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Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2015 12:20 pm
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"But the important thing is, you would never hold it against me." Finn smirked, his voice heavy with sarcasm, before he took another drink.
And then he frowned. "Yes. I saw what the mirror showed you and I saw how it had affected you and I actually felt bad. I never feel bad for anybody. An emotional lapse, I suppose." Just one of many, when it came to Ripley, apparently.
"Yes, well, that was actually an accident. I was aiming for the mirror, and you just happened to be behind it." He pointed out.
He pondered quietly to himself again. He knew that Ripley remembered Christmas, because they had already talked about it. It was a day that Ripley had later claimed was the moment he realized he did, in fact, care about Finn as well, so it seemed rather important. But....
"What about that night, when I told Otto about us?"
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Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2015 2:57 pm
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Ripley's thoughts mirrored Finn's at that moment: One of many. Finn had about as many lapses in judgement as he had towards Finn. It was an interesting, shared way of making the more questionable decisions, simply because it involved the other. Interesting, yes, but certainly frustrating.
"It's fine. I think I got you, too." It worked out in the end. Or so he thought.
"I was pissed at you for breaking my rule and waving it off. We had a fight about it, turned out we were both a little sore and out of line. You tried to get me to admit to having feelings for you, I refused, and left. I spent a few days on the couch." He brought his glass to his lips, and took a small drink. "I slept with Chance a few days later, and after that I stopped banishing myself to the couch, and joined you in bed." Though he couldn't understand why, he seemed to have preferred Finn, and he had realized that after his night with Chance. It had been fun, certainly, but he remembered thinking it wasn't the same.
"We didn't have sex again until just before Lex's mission. After you cut and dyed my hair." It had since grown back and the colour faded back to white, but he had still liked the original brown. "That lead to the Christmas memory." He nodded, tying those together.
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Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2015 11:04 pm
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For some reason, hearing Ripley recount the past memories was actually almost more amusing than sad. It was probably just that he was focusing and latching on to whatever emotion would feed him the least amount of pain, and so, amusement it was.
"Yes, obviously because I'm far better at ******** than he is." Finn supplied, since he doubted Ripley could, at the moment, come up with any other reason for returning to Finn's bed. He took another drink, draining his glass, and began to fill it up again.
The Christmas memory was delved into some more next, a bit more thoroughly than the others for good reason, though to no real avail as there was nothing that Finn could find that Ripley had forgotten. Other trips to Canada were brought up, from their very first to the somewhat recent, and still nothing seemed amiss. In this time, Finn had refilled his glass at least a couple more times, and had offered to top of Ripley's anytime his had gotten low, until a pleasant warmth combined with a buzz that droned in the back of his head worked it's way into him, making him open up more, speak more freely, a bitterness leaking into his tone on occasion, a hard gleam entering his eye from time to time.
Eventually, it seemed like he'd had enough.
"I need some ******** sleep. We can start again tomorrow, if you want to keep going." He paused, lifted his glass, drained it, and set it back down.
"Ripley..." He frowned. He wanted to ask him to stay, not for sex, but to just be there. A warm body. A sleep aid. He could pretend, for just one night, surely, that nothing had changed, and that everything was normal, couldn't he? Couldn't they?
"Our agreement." There was heaviness inside of him as he spoke, a numbness, and he tried to focus on that, just that, and none of the pain that surrounded. "I'm ready to end it."
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Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2015 11:46 pm
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By the time they had stopped recounting the past, Ripley was exhausted. There was no indication that they were going to find his missing piece. No clues or leads beyond what they already knew. It seemed like they had gone through nearly their whole history, and with nothing to show for it but frustrations on both ends. It was pointless, at this point. Hopeless, and pointless.
"Sleep sounds great." He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyelids, pressing them down as if it might ease the tension or ease the weight of his tired eyes. His glasses had been abandoned on the table, beside his empty glass. "Hm?" Was his response, as he heard his name. There was something off about the way it was said, something he couldn't place: a feeling he was becoming quite acquainted with.
The heavy defeat in Finn's voice spoke more than his words ever could. Whatever he had been missing was taking its toll on Finn, more than he had anticipated. Enough to end what they had stubbornly held onto, through thick and thin. It meant, to him, that whatever he was missing was more than important…and that the situation seemed as hopeless as he has initially suspected.
With no further leads, the burden had simply become to heavy to bear.
"Okay." Ripley said softly, gathering up his glasses and fitting them back onto his face. It wasn't a surprise to him: he could understand why Finn came to this conclusion. Not the gritty details of course, but the face value of it. "Consider it ended, then." He continued, his voice understanding. That was their agreement: it could end, no questions asked, no feelings hurt, with only a few words… though he would be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed.
"I imagine this means you no longer wish to help me, so…I'll say thank you for trying as hard as you did. I appreciate it." He pushed his chair away from the table, and moved to stand up, gathering his jacket and gloves. They were the only things he had with him in this room now. "I'm sorry we couldn't find what I was missing." His hand extended towards Finn.
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Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 7:54 am
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Finn's words were a lie. He wasn't ready for this, and he certainly had never wanted it. But he needed it. He needed the break, he needed to distance himself, in case this really was it. He needed to cut off temptation at it's source and learn how to be alone again. If whatever happened to Ripley was permanent, than Finn really felt that this was the best course of action. If it ended up that it wasn't, than he was sure, when Ripley got back what he was missing, that the other man would understand why he had chosen to do this, and maybe even forgive him for it.
And with those few words, however much Finn had wanted not to say them, it was over. As per their agreement, it was just that simple. No questions asked, no arguments, no animosity. Finn was simply numb, as he had been when he said them, and that was all.
He schooled his features appropriately. The cold gaze, the set face. He stood up from the table when Ripley did.
He glanced down at that hand, then back up to Ripley. "Stop being an idiot. I'm still helping you. I just don't want to be your butt buddy anymore. <******** hell, we're still friends, and you can still trust me. Do you think you need offers of sex to keep me in check?"
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Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 8:33 am
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Ripley was, unsurprisingly, unreadable as Finn spoke. Internally, there was a weight on him that he hadn't expected to feel.
"Of course not." He replied calmly. They hadn't had sex in days. Perhaps even weeks. There just hadn't been the time or want of sex, though their reasons behind it were different between them. He knew that wasn't what was keeping Finn stuck in this clearly painful rut. When the other man didn't reach for his hand, Ripley curled his fingers, and let his hand fall to rest at his side.
"We are friends." He agreed, though he wasn't entirely convinced on his own. "I just…I thought you'd have no reason to keep trying once the agreement was ended. It seems that what I'm missing was very much involved with it, after all." By that logic, if there were no agreement, there would be no reason to keep trying to find his missing piece, because there would ultimately be no use for it. They could still survive as friends.
It had been a very depressing realization: Finn was the only person who could help him...and he was giving up.
He insisted that he would still try, but Ripley could only wonder. If the pain had been enough to end the agreement, how long would it take to stop trying altogether? The other man's actions were completely understandable, and he found he couldn't fault him for it. Not by a long shot. Still...
"It's late." He sighed, turning away and sliding his hands into his pockets, suddenly unsure of what to do with himself. Amber eyes drifted to the side, already eyeing the door that would take him out of here. "We could both use the rest." When he looked back at Finn, it was with a small smile. "See you later then, eh?"
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