Painted Moose: The sun was high above the trees when Scheherazade came to the lip of her den. Since it was mid day she hadn't expected to see anyone in the area, and was almost relieved to find out her assumptions had been correct. Slowly the leopardess' strength had been returning to her, but not nearly enough for her not to make the short trip without being winded. She was panting as she sat by the edge, her eyes trailing over fresh tracks, and taking in the scent of the family she had left behind.
The scent of her mate. Would he recognize her, as frail as she was? Would he wish to see her anymore? Would he even want to talk? It had been an impulsive whim that brought her here, and Scheherazade was on the edge of leaving once more. In fact, her paws had already turned and she had started to pad away from the den...
Velveteen Angel:
Hu was exhausted. He felt numb and cold, and just…tired. He hadn’t stopped feeling like that since he had been returning to an empty den every night. His cubs were grown and out living their own lives in the pride – and Chiyo, his darling daughter, had just left the pride all together. His mate was no where to be seen, he hadn’t laid eyes on her in so long, and he didn’t blame her. It had been his fault that their cubs had been injured, but he felt her absence as keenly as if he were missing a limb, not merely his mate. He was fitting into the life of a tutor badly, because there was no one to teach in the pride. The colony was lacking cubs, Arcus and Amaranta’s litter had been the last and they were all grown now.
He was useless, and that was the hardest thing for the male to understand. His cubs didn’t need him. His colony didn’t need him. His mate was gone. What was his purpose anymore?
He was retreating back to his den, abandoning his work for the day, when he saw her and stopped dead in his tracks. He opened his mouth to call out to her, but no sound came out. He hadn’t spoken in days. Instead, he just watched her, taking in the image he’d missed so much.
Painted Moose:
There was the presence of another that caused Scheherazade to turn. She looked over her shoulder with wide, opaque eyes at the face that made her heart skip every time. For the longest time she just looked at him, continuing their little staring contest, before Scheherazade turned her eyes back to the trees. She took a half-step forward before forcing herself to turn around.
When she looked at him Scheherazade's eyes were probing. Her expression was unintentionally hardened as she tried to decipher what she should be feeling. Finally, in a meek voice, she asked, "Where is my daughter, Hu? I can't find Chiyo."
Velveteen Angel:
Hu could feel his heart breaking as he took in his mate – was she still his mate? He wasn’t sure. In his heart, she was still his, but he didn’t know how she felt anymore. He didn’t even know if she still considered him a friend. He waited for her to speak, and when she finally did, he felt his heart absolutely shatter. She didn’t know? Had no one told her? He knew that Ai had been visiting her, because his son had told him, and had given him that brutal glare that told him to ‘fix her’ because it was killing Ai to see her like that. Hu didn’t realise how bad it had gotten until he saw the pale figure of his formerly vibrant mate.
“She’s gone to the rogue lands,” he said, his voice harsh from misuse and it came out as a low, painful rumble. “We couldn’t stop her. She has your determination.” There was a certain fondness in his tone when he said that, but he felt numb. What were they doing?
Painted Moose:
Scheherazade's heart stopped. "...she what...?" Her eyes darted to the sides as the leopardess struggled to piece it all together. Why would Chiyo have gone off on her own when she was barely healed? Her first meeting with Ai reminded Sche of all that she had missed out on. Her cubs were full grown adults now with their own set of values, and their own problems.
"She takes after her father," Sche murmured. Her voice was dry and weak, but it was gaining strength. "...I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me as plainly as you can." The leopardess looked at her mate with a level stare. There was a desperation there; a madness that was barely contained under her apathy. "When our cubs went into the fight...did you honestly think that they could handle themselves?"
Velveteen Angel:
Hu felt cruel telling her that, but he wouldn’t lie to her. Not after everything that had happened between them and to their family, he refused to lie to his mate. He just couldn’t. He cracked a tiny smile at her comment that Chiyo took after him; it was true, with both sides of her family stubborn as all hell, there was no way that Chiyo would turn out a meek and quiet female. She had too much fire in her blood.
Hu felt nervous when she prefaced her question with a desire for plainness, and he held his breath as she spoke. He let out his breath in a woosh of air when it came time to answer. “Honestly? Yes. I had all the faith in our cubs. I thought they could handle themselves. In the moment, I thought them perfect.” He stared down at his paws. “I realise now I was blinded by my own ego. They were young. I should have stopped them. Though their veins run with our blood, and they will achieve greatness someday, I was foolish to think that they could handle themselves at adolescence. I wish I had realised that in the moment.”
Painted Moose:
There were several moments where the pale leopardess merely stood by to ponder. All at once her shoulders sagged as if the weight she had been carrying since the moment of the attack was starting to slip away. Scheherazade even sat, with far less grace than usual, since her physical exhaustion was catching up with her. "They were young, but I had faith in them too." There was more emotion in those words than anything else Scheherazade had said in months. Even before the attack she had not been an overly emotional female, but now it seemed as if she couldn't keep it in. "I was so mad at you for so long. I thought that...that if you had just told them no then we could have kept them little for a while longer." Scheherazade held out her paw and clenched it in the fur above her heart while keeping her gaze down.
"All I could think about was how much I've failed. Behnam left me behind...I couldn't protect my first litter, and then I got arrogant. I thought everything was perfect, and I was a fool. I let my cubs walk into that, and for the longest time I thought if I had just kept my heart closed then I wouldn't have been blinded. They would have been fine."
She was crying now. There was no reason not to allow him to see how broken she was. Hu knew more than anyone how much she had failed but she needed this. When she looked up at him her eyes were as pleading as her voice, "But I was wrong. It wasn't your fault. You did all you could, and I felt the same way. I knew inside that if we had kept them home that they would have found a way. We raised them to be confident, and to judge for themselves what their abilities were. I hate it that they were hurt, but Hu...I'm glad they were there, and it's...it's so wrong. I shouldn't be. What kind of a mother thinks that way? But I was so...I was so proud to see them, but I was scared, too. I wouldn't change it, because if we did, then our cubs wouldn't be the same. They would be fearful and meek like I was in the Ukuucha...I don't want my cubs to live that way."
Velveteen Angel:
Hu stood in silence, immobile like a rock as she spoke, but each word pierced his skin and he felt like he would fall apart at any minute. It physically pained him when she began to cry, but he forced himself to stay still, to stay quiet, to let her vent, because it was only fair that she should get to talk. Finally. The silence hurt far more than her words did. He didn’t care if she hated him, he just wanted them to be ok again, somehow.
As her words faded away, her tears visible, Hu found himself at a loss for words. What could he say to that? He didn’t notice that his own eyes had filled with tears, slowly making tracks down his cheeks in the first tears he had cried in his adult life. He hadn’t even cried when their cubs were born.
“You are the best mother I could have asked for to mother my cubs,” he said, his voice low and honest. “You are not my prize. You are my equal. You have raised our cubs to stand firm, and to stand up for what they believe in, the consequences be damned. I don’t want people who follow my every command – I know your past has left you with scars that do not show on your skin. You are not a banu, you are not a beybanu.” His eyes blazed. He hated the idea of Scheherazade forced to be someone’s prize. “You are my equal. My rock and my soft place to land in rough times. Hate me if you must, for as long as you must, but know I will continue to love you until my last breath.” He needed her to know where he stood, now that the words were coming, he could not stop them.
“They wear their strength on their skin. They were adolescence, fighting adult lions, and they were hurt. But they survived. They are not as fragile as we thought. They were hurt, yes, but they still stand tall, their scars showing their strengths, not their weaknesses. I will never fear for them, because I know they have your spirit and your fire in their blood. They will fight for what is right, and they will grow up and do us proud.”
Painted Moose:
She had never known how much she had needed validation until Hu gave it to her. Even though she had held a Council position she had always felt herself one rung below her mate. To hear that there was no ownership in their relationship...just to be able to hear that he didn't think of her like a damnable banu was enough to stir her heart from it's slumber.
"Hu, even when I am at my worst and I wish to hurt you, I can't. It brings me to much pain to see you frown, and there is no possible way that I could hate you. I tried, Gods know I tried, but I just can't." If his tears weren't enough to choke her up, his admittance of love was. She couldn't remember a time in their relationship that the actual word "love" had been brought up. Scheherazade had never doubted his affection for her, but it meant so much more to hear it. "I love you, Hu. You who have stood so tall for so long could have easily pushed me down, but you brought me up with you. I...I shouldn't have taken so long to remember that." She shook her head. He knew just how broken she was and he stayed. Why? Why would he want to stay when they hadn't spoken in so long?
And why was it that she didn't care anymore?
"I think in their panic the colony forgot that. As parents it's our place to make judgments, and sometimes it isn't to hide them from the world. They may have my spirit, but they have their father's wisdom to temper their fire's as they grow. Even in their youth they were able to survive, and now I have no fears for them." She stood to move closer to him. It was a slow process, but when she was close enough Scheherazade moved her forehead to rest against his. "I'm tired of pretending it didn't happen. It did, and everything you taught them kept our cubs alive."
Velveteen Angel:
Hu hadn’t realised how vulnerable he was feeling until he felt her press her forehead against his, and he felt like he might shatter into a million pieces at the relief. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to soak up her warmth and feel some sort of hope fluttering in his chest for the first time in so long. “Everything we taught them,” he correct her gently. “I love you Scheherazade. I know I have not said it enough, but I will say it every day if that is what you need. You are my strength and my love.”
He made his first move, moving close and winding himself around her, pressing his chest against her, and his head on her shoulder, nuzzling into her and trying to warm her fragile body with his own. “I am so proud of our family. We have been broken, beaten, but we will stand tall and we will stand together.”
Painted Moose:
"I love you too, Hu." She rubbed her forehead against his with a small, affectionate smile. "I don't need to hear you say it; I've always known. Just because you don't tell me doesn't mean I can't see it in your eyes. " He was her soul; the very moon, and sun combined.
She moved into his embrace as if she had been made to fit close to him. Scheherazade had forgotten how good his warmth felt through her fur, and she savored the very scent of him. "Always and forever, love. Always and forever."