[PRP] Snap Out of It (Mathias & Hollandaise)

[The Semblance of Unity]

Hollandaise tugged Mathias along, her fingers entwined with his. They had left the dance and the cool night air caused her to shiver. She hadn't had any particular destination in mind, simply to go somewhere other than the dance with its loud, throbbing music (the warder thought she felt it, even now, a heavy beat beat beat in the pit of her stomach), somewhere where she wouldn't think about Aisha and Deszeld kissing. She felt the crackle of leaves between her toes and realized, quite abruptly, that they were at the edges of the woods. There was a convinient bench nearby and she sagged onto it, hoping Mathias would follow suit.

"Mathias," she said tiredly. Her face felt tight, and she curled one leg up underneath her. Hollandaise's voice was low and monotone. "I am sorry for kissing you without permission. Can you, ah... " forgive me? But those words were hard, awkward to say and she swallowed them for now. She looked up, expecting a very angry wolpertinger to say something scathing in whatever language he often interspersed between his words.

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shh I'm adding mood music

 

[Seussi]

Mathias followed Hollandaise's lead with utter complacency, his hand gripping hers with what he deemed to be just the right amount of pressure as one that was belonging completely to her and nobody else. He hadn't minded being taken away from the dance, the loud music having been hurting his ears most of the night anyways, the silence of the outdoors and the cool night air quite refreshing (though there was a distinctive ringing sound that now would not go away and made everything else slightly more difficult to hear).

"Are you cold, Hollandaise?" He asked her, noticing her shiver. "Vould be happy to be varming up if you are vanting." As in, she could have his jacket, or he could wrap his warm wings around her like a cloak. Whatever she desired, he would be only too eager to comply!

They had reached the woods, and the smell in the air reminded him of Holly's intriguing and delightful scent, which made the woods, and her as well, even better, as they happened to accentuate each other. He followed her to the bench, and sat next to her when she pulled him down to her side, continuing to gaze at her steadily as he waited for her to grace him with the sounds of every beautiful word that came from her exquisite mouth.

But her words were confusing. Had she not enjoyed the kiss? "Is no need to say sorry. If kiss vas not to standard, or of pleasure to you, is me who should be saying am sorry." He stated, a pang of worry in his eyes.

The Semblance of Unity

 

[The Semblance of Unity]

"I am a little chilly, Mathias, but it is of no importance." She waved away his concern. In this odd sort of besotted state he was in, Hollandaise was unsure exactly what he meant by 'warming up' and, well, maybe it was best to not find out. She didn't exactly understand his sudden change, but it had seemed almost like a conscious decision, a choice to become infatuated. They had both been trying to take their minds off of others, and had nearly succeeded (in her case) and most certainly (in his). It wasn't entirely unpleasant, in fact, the attention felt nice, even if it was false. But it was false. And Hollandaise liked the grumpy Mathias, the one who would've taken grumbling offense at her audacity during the dance.

Her fingers traced the wood of the bench between them, following the grain of the wood. She wondered if anyone had even made a warder into a bench. Blinking, she met his eyes again and stammered. "Oh no, no, your k-kiss was lovely! I had never done that sort of thing before and I hhave t-to say, it' was quite a pleasant first time and-" Hollandaise cut herself off, realizing she was about to fly down some odd tangent. She shifted, angling her body more towards his. "Mathias, what I am saying is that normally you would be quite mad at me, would you not? So... I would like to apologize, but I do not think I can until you snap out of it." She leaned forward, lifting on hand to rest on his head. "Where did your grumpiness go?"

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[Seussi]

She might have said that being chilly was of no importance, but he was still more than a little concerned. He wondered if he could get away with cuddling up closer to her as they sat together on the bench, if that would please her, and if in doing so his body heat might be enough to warm her. Instead, he settled for subtly stretching out one wing behind her, curving it around so that feathers brushed against her arm but came no closer than that. He hoped that it would help to shelter her from the light, cool breeze that stirred the air, though if she told him to he would quickly drop his wing and leave her to being cold and heartless.

He gave her a very pleased smile as she complimented his kissing. "Vas not being first time for me, but vas mostly very different than first. Much better, vould be saying." Because it was with a ghoul, one who was very beautiful and who he wanted to make as happy as he possibly could.

But as she continued on, he frowned again. "Do not think could ever be angry vith you, Hollandaise. And you do not need to ever be apologizing to me. I vill only do vutever it is you are vanting, alvays." He nodded as if that would emphasize his point, and then scooted closer to her, nuzzling his head into the palm of her hand.

"Am not sure. Am not so vorried about it, now."

The Semblance of Unity

 

[The Semblance of Unity]

Oh yes, there was definitely a surreal quality about all of this. The warder did not know Mathias well, but in the hours she'd spent with him, she'd gleaned enough to realize this was not something normal; it wasn't even a prolonged joke. Mathias nuzzled into her hand and she was horribly (but only briefly) tempted to touch his soft ears again. More than feeling chilly, or feeling worried, she was sad, and having Mathias fawn over her just made Hollandaise feel worse. Sometime soon, she was have to take pout the tangle of emotions she'd felt while watching Aisha and Deszeld kiss. She would have to pick it apart, unravel it, lay each thread out in straight lines to see if they made sense. Hollandaise had a horrible premonition that even then, nothing would make sense. Emotions were stupid, she decided abruptly, childishly.

Here, now, she had to stop thinking of anything but Mathias - he was here, they were not and she could do nothing about them. Hollandaise pinched the inside of her wrist sharply. His red tinged eyes met hers again and she frowned, the movement small and confused. He gazed at her with a worried adoration and it made Hollandaise shift and squirm, her shoulder knocking into his wing. It had blocked the chill a little and she felt grateful for that small warmth, but... Something struck her, some offhand words he'd said, the way he'd averted his eyes. The way he'd stared at her while giving up. "I thought you didn't like looking at creeple?" She had thought he would simply drop the act once they were done - but he hadn't. Maybe he couldn't. Hollandaise was dense, but even for her the facts clicked vaguely together - compulsion. But... if it was in fact that, how could she fix it?

"Stop looking at me, Mathias." Her voice was gentle and soft and Hollandaise slid her hand through this hair and down, to cover his eyes. At worst, she would look like a fool. At best, this would somehow weirdly work.

Seussi

 

[Seussi]

She jostled against his wing and it folded back in on itself slightly as if he wasn't sure if she wanted it there or not, though since she didn't say anything he decided that it was okay and flared it out once more, curving it around her almost as if he were giving her a hug, though his feathers only brushed against her lightly here and there. Her question made him blink. It was a confusing question, and he gave his head a very slight shake.

"Am liking to look at you, and you are creeple, so am thinking that is not such truth." He smiled, "Looking at you is nice. You are very beautiful." Had he told her that already? Once or twice? It didn't matter to him. He was happy to gaze at her for all of eternity if she'd let him.

Her next words came as a surprise, though gentle as they were they still felt like a demand of sorts. "But...but am not wanting to stop!" He protested, shivering as her hand slid down through his hair, enjoying the touch. When her hand went over his eyes, he had a moment to continue his enjoyment, before he realized he could no longer see her.

He reached up with one hand to attempt to gently push hers away. "Please do not be making me stop." He whined.

The Semblance of Unity

 

[The Semblance of Unity]

"No," she said, her voice stronger. Tackle one thing at a time, she told herself. "You aren't you, Mathias. And if you really wish to make me happy, you will stop looking at me. Because then, I t-think... you will return to normal... Maybe?" She pressed her hand more firmly against his eyes. With her free hand, Hollandaise caught his wrist and pulled his hand down.

Something had to work. This was getting ridiculous. What if Mathias just mistakenly thought himself in love with her forever? It would not be unpleasant, but it would be utterly false. And awful. Hollandaise made a face and hoped he wouldn't try to wriggle out of this.

Seussi

 

[Seussi]

It was not quite the same as when Jove attempted to force him to stop looking at a ghoul. For one, she was telling him it was necessary as well, and for as much as he didn't like it, he would do anything she told him to do.

With a slight whimper, his ears folding down sadly, he let her guide his hand away. Her hand pressed against his eyes more firmly and he let them, not wanting to do anything to make her upset if he could manage it.

"I do not think I am understanding. Vas you not happy vith me tonight?" He asked, in a last ditch attempt to weasel his way out of this situation.

But slowly, his discomfort with not being able to see her was beginning to ease. Slowly, his adoration began to ebb away until he wondered why he would care if he was looking at her or not? Slowly, he began to feel things besides some false sensation of love. Loneliness, pain, sadness, embarrassment.

Frustration. Disgust. Anger.

His head jerked away from her hand. He didn't want her touching him.

"You!" He growled. shaking his head and lowering his gaze to the ground, where he glared for all he was worth. "I trusted you! You...you..." His face screwed up, his nose wrinkled, his tongue stuck out for a moment and he shook his head again, his ears flopping back and forth on his head before he shot to his feet, his wing folding in away from her and against his back with the other.

"YOU KISSED ME! VHY VOULD YOU DO THAT? EKELHAFT!!"

The Semblance of Unity

 

[The Semblance of Unity]

When Mathias jerked away, she knew she'd succeeded (for better or for worse remained to be seen).

Oh, she thought dazedly as his face contorted and he spit words at her like they were acid burning his tongue. For worse perhaps. Hollandaise's toes curled into the cold ground, feeling tendrils of dying grass wrap around her feet. Her hands flew up. Unable to stay still, they almost reached for him, afraid he'd leave. Instead, her fingers stroked her leaves, tangled in the one lock of hair that had tumbled down to curl against her collarbone. It would not have been better for Mathias to remain besotted, but it might have been easier and Hollandaise was exhausted. She had kissed him because she had not known what else to do. Although, of course, that didn't make it the right decision. When she spoke, her voice was tiny and small.

"I am sorry - I said I was sorry. And I brought you here to apologize. And you kissed me back, too." Hollandaise shivered, pulling at the edges of the slit on her dress. Please don't hate me. "I kissed you because I wasn't sure what else to do."

Seussi

 

[Seussi]

Mathias wasn't sure he'd ever felt anger such as this before. But it wasn't just anger, it was a sense of loss and confusion as well, an empty hollowness in his chest when he thought about how the night should have gone rather than how it had. But it was easy to turn off those feelings, to only focus on the anger, and on the ghoul who would feel the brunt of it.

"Of course vas kissing back! Vas not knowing any better! Vas not you finding that strange? That vould just suddenly be villing to kiss vhen not villing before? Ghouls are so stupid." He spat, ears twitching, feathers bristling as he turned his back on her, a disgusted look on his face.

"I should not have trusted you." He growled, his arms crossing over his chest, but something she said did manage to pique his interest, a glance given to her back over his shoulder.

"Vut meaning, not knowing vut else to do? Vhy?"

The Semblance of Unity

because I'm awesome when I have free time and a computer to work with instead of my phone

 

[The Semblance of Unity]

His fur bristled alarmingly and, once again, she almost reached out a slim-fingered hand to him. "How was I supposed to know if it was strange or not? I have never k-kissed anyone at all before!" Normally, Hollandaise would have bristled at the word 'stupid', have acerbically told Mathias off in no uncertain terms. But today, tonight, she suddenly deflated and just felt so very, very small, and like she'd screwed everything up. and maybe she had - with Deszeld, with Mathias, maybe even with Aisha. Her eyes burned. She pressed the heels of her hands to them, blocking out the sight of his turned back.

When she spoke again, her voice was soft and it sounded as thought she would cry any moment. "D-deszeld... my friend, she started kissing Aisha because she was mad at me." Carefully, deliberately, she put her hands in her lap, where they twisted around each other fitfully. "I do not think she liked that I put myself up for auction. And so, she wanted to hurt me... I only wanted to have fun, somehow. So, when she... with Aisha... I wanted to show her that I could do it, too. I did not know what else to do. She seemed so very angry, and now she likes Aisha better and... I don't want to feel like this!" The last word was almost a wail and then she bit down on her bottom lip hard.

"I-" Hollandaise breathed deeply, shakily. -I am sorry if I h-have hurt you, Mathias." She did not meet his eyes this entire time, instead focusing on her hands, willing them to lie still.

Seussi

 

[Seussi]

Sheisse, he shouldn't have asked. He should not have asked. Her explanation, (while still silly, he surmised) lifted his anger away layer by layer, until he was no longer seething but instead, quietly fuming, having slowly turned back towards her, his arms still crossed over his chest, an indignant look on his face that he refused to let slip away. So he was her first kiss? Interesting, but not at all comforting. In fact, it somehow made all of this so much worse. He had likely misled her, made her feel like it was okay, like he had wanted it, when really, his true self would have wanted anything but.

But it dawned on him as she spoke that what was going on was not just silly, it was ghoul business, which made it extra silly. It sounded as if this Deszeld had been trying to make Holly jealous, and so, Holly chose to try and do the same in return (though she hadn't said as much).

"Don't you dare be crying, ghoul. Not over some other ridiculous ghoul." He glared at her, as if daring her to let a single tear drop. "Am still not happy vith vut you did, but am supposing can accept apology, now knowing full story." And in a way, he could relate. He had only been trying to have a good time, as well, after hopes of seeing Jove that night had been dashed by the boils unwillingness to enter the dance itself. Mathias had been far too stubborn to go out of his way to meet Jove elsewhere, however, and so the fault was also his own to shoulder as well.

"Just do not ever be doing it again. Please."

The Semblance of Unity

 

[The Semblance of Unity]

He face crumpled just once, but his brusque tone succeeded in pricking her pride. Hollandaise's spine straightened and her teeth clenched. "I could cry if I so wished," she said, and her voice was still wavery, but it seemed as thought the immediate threat of tears had passed. "-but I will not, because Warders do not cry, of course." Still, her hands fidgeted, ran through her leaves, along the hem of her dress. She shivered again.

"I will not do it again without asking. It is not as though I wished to kiss you." Mathias had not been awful to kiss, but she supposed that was a by-product of his unwanted infatuation. "I did not know what else to do," she repeated. "I still do not."

Seussi

 

[Seussi]

Mathias rolled his eyes. "That is being so very much fortune then, since vas sure could hear tears in voice." But he understood pride as well as loss and anger and confusion, and if she said that warders do not cry, who was he to argue with her?

As for the rest of it. "Ach! See that is vhy am finding ghouls to be so crazy. Vas not vishing to kiss, and yet did it anyways!" He threw his hands up in exasperation.

"Enough! Is so silly, so juvenile. Ve are teenagers I am supposing, yes, but does not mean should be acting like mere children. If you are upset vith ghoul, you should go and tell ghoul...." Of course, at that moment, it dawned on him that he, too, should not balk and hide away from his problems.

"....And I vill face vut vas making me upset as vell."

The Semblance of Unity

 

[The Semblance of Unity]

Her eyes narrowed at his words, but she said nothing else on the subject of crying. It almost made her want to cry, just to aggravate him. Almost... but, not really. She had just explained why she had kissed him without really wanting to - was he being deliberately obtuse? To be fair, it didn't really make much sense, but he could try, at least. Ugh. Hollandaise took a slow, deep breath, hearing the trees creep behind them. She was being irriational in her irritation at him. She should be slow to emotions, examine everything carefully before deciding how to feel.

"I am not juvenile!" Perhaps she really was awful at being a warder. Her hands fisted in her dress, but she tried one a smile. "I... I guess neither of us should run from the things we wish to." And then, she got up, her movements still hesitant, unsure. Perhaps she should just go back and sleep... where? In her bed? She sighed and rubbed her hands across her eyes.

"I am sorry, Mathias. I... wish you luck in your endeavor. I suppose I owe you for my imposition on your person. Let me know how I can repay it." With that, she brushed invisible dirt from her dress and began to walk back, head bowed and arms wrapped around her middle, as though she could hug herself to feeling better.

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idk fin?