[ drabbles ] Under Pressure - Weathership

[medigel]

by any other name

"So," she said slowly as if still having a little trouble processing this (even though her heart had accepted it just fine and was beating wildly), again leaning into his touch, "you're okay with the whole two dorms turned into one gigantic one thing, then? 'Cause it'll take a lot of time and work and money. We'll have to bring people in to help."
 

[medigel]

making amends

"I did," she replied with a little nod. "I snapped at him. And he laughed and backed off and apologized and told me that he didn't think anyone else looked for trouble on purpose when they're mad. So he invited me to do our own personal haunted house tour, and that's what we did. Once that week. Once again the next. He started making us branch out more and more, and that's what made me curious. It was kinda like he was searching for something.

"I asked him if he saw things, and he always hedged around it at first. I don't blame him. Sometimes he took his friends with us too, so I couldn't always pry. But something told me he was like me even before he did: he talked about things like ghosts and monsters like they really existed. Things that either were trying to live among us or were just preying on us. His friends laughed because he took it so seriously—he always took things so seriously," Stormy mused softly, nostalgic, "but it was something he cared about, and I admired the dedication to his own obsession. I admired a lot about him, really: the way he didn't care what other people thought, his confidence in himself, the easy charm he had, the wry humor he used on both others and himself, this impulse he always had to keep going even when things looked bad or pointless...He was popular as far as small schools went, and he looked every inch of it. I didn't know why he let me stick around and I still don't think I do.

"When I told him I saw things nobody else could, he confided the same and nodded and said that it made sense that we met. Things happen for a reason. Then he asked me to dinner, and I said yes."

She was quiet for a long time, no longer looking into her eyelids but up at the ceiling again, wearing the dazed look that always came when she inhabited her mind more than her body.

kuroopu

 

[kuropeco]

making amends


He wasn't sure if it was better or worse than how they had met; already awake on Deus, stuck in the snow together, laughing as they had built a snow dog out of the snow Clarice had "accidentally" brought with her that time that she and Gale had gone to get a Christmas tree together. He and Stormy had already been on the island; they shared that, at least, but she and Jack had met in a serendipitous moment, a coincidence in the midst of anger and hurt and bitter sadness. Strange, really, how things worked out, but Gale found he wasn't really angry or jealous, more subdued and contemplative of the Jack he had never known.

"And...then everything just sort of...went from there," said Gale quietly, tilting his head back to look up at the ceiling as well. "You started dating after that, and then..."

A flicker of confusion passed across his face, Gale frowning slightly as he tried to decipher the rest of the missing pieces in Stormy's story. "You decided to come here, instead of staying there with him. You...well, you 'died,' technically, in that life of yours, and you chose to come here instead."  

[kuropeco]

by any other name


Her expression was beautiful. Gale felt a laugh bubbling up in his throat, and although there was still the anxious twisting of his stomach, he couldn't help but let it out, smiling at Stormy as he stroked her face.

"I'm sure Bix and Candace would be only too thrilled to help," he said. "And probably Marcus too, if I can wrangle him in, maybe Bix can bring Ceres too. As for money, well...as you already know, I don't really spend any of mine, so that's not really an issue at all. Maybe we can even get your brothers to help, if they'll put aside their we-don't-like-our-baby-sister-having-a-boyfriend mentality for a few hours..."

Gale's expression softened. "Yes, Stormy, I'm okay with it. I'm okay with everything."

medigel

 

[medigel]

by any other name

The more he spoke, the softer her expression grew: about help, about family, about security.

All her life she'd been as flighty as the changes in the wind, subject to turbulence and unable to control the direction of her life because she never knew where to go. She still felt like that now sometimes, especially given her recent circumstances, but Gale kept her grounded. He always had. As much trouble as they found themselves in, he was a constant she had come to accept more and more in her life--not simply her rock but the entirety of the earth she circled and danced around. He reminded her of how far they had come together and of how much was still left to do with a confidence she would always be grateful for.

She didn't always come down to land, but when she did she made it count. Tink was plopped on the ground, and whatever he was reading was nudged to the side, and both were briefly forgotten as Stormy made herself comfortable in his lap, took his head into her hands, and kissed him deeply, reading glasses and all, in silent thanks for everything.
 

[medigel]

making amends

Her hesitation became more palpable than before. She stared up at the ceiling as if willing it to shift under her gaze. When it didn't, Stormy slipped her legs out from under his and scooted until her back was against him. She still couldn't look at Gale as she told the story, but minute touches weren't enough to comfort her as she did so anymore.

"The first year was almost like a dream," she recounted quietly. "Things were better. The rumors eventually went away, the tension between me n' my friends mostly went away, and I had a boyfriend...A boyfriend," she repeated, as if even after all that time she still couldn't quite believe it. "Years've me thinking I was weird n' crazy turned on its head 'cause there was someone else out there like me. He gave me hope when we went looking for the shadows instead've just pretending we were normal. It was a good ten months."

Pause.

"Afterwards, it started snowballing. His parents argued a lot, but I never thought they'd file, you know? Divorce was just supposed t'be a plot device in movies. Extra drama. Not reality. They didn't try to involve him when it happened, and I dunno if they ever noticed what the isolation did. Maybe they thought it was better not to talk to him about it, you know, let him focus on his studies or something because that's important. His mom liked sweeping problems under the rug and his dad tried to smile through it.

"He didn't stop trying to be the best at everything. I guess he was trying to compensate by not slipping, not letting that image he made've himself--the golden boy--fall apart. The stress really got to him after a while."

Another pause, more strained. She brought her hands and knees to her chest like she did before sleep (curled up tight, shrinking, taking up less space).

"Everything he was magnified. He worked like a madman and forgot to sleep between all his extracurricular activities. His parents didn't always hide the yelling when I was over. Things slipped through the cracks, emotions ran high. He kept his temper so well, but sometimes 'so well' isn't enough. Everyone reaches a breaking point, s'just a matter of what you do about the leftover shards when you do. I turn mine inward. He lashes out. Sometimes--sometimes when you break, the only way to feel better is to break something else.

"He didn't always apologize. Sometimes I...don't think he was really aware if it was really bad. Maybe he was resentful that I even let him, m'not sure. He was a complicated person who chose to be even more complicated on purpose. I chose to stay with that. I knew he wasn't like that deep down, that he was just going through a lot and couldn't cope with it all no matter what he said to anyone else. He felt things too," she mumbled. "He felt them deeply. If you don't have a center to go back to that's calm, nothing goes right, n' his insides were turning into rapids I couldn't stop but tried to anyway."

More pausing, several false starts. She should have stopped to let Gale digest, but her own internal flood of words had been stirred.

"I...My mom...We lost her," Stormy managed weakly, summarizing the event so poorly she flinched from a silent rebuke. The focus was about Jack; Mami was for another time.

"S-So soon, I wasn't able to be there for him either. At best we were like crutches, taking turns leaning on each other. At worst, we were two people too blinded by our own issues to see how it affected the other. He could handle the give and take just fine, he changed and adapted to it: less smiles and more snarks, less affection but more possession. He knew he was losing me and vice versa, but we never said anything out loud.

"So we did stupid stuff to compensate. Anything to keep the relationship going 'cause at least that could be a decent thing in our lives. He said I love you and I parroted it back to him because I couldn't add to his burdens anymore. I didn't want to be lonely," she whispered, shutting her eyes. "I liked him even at his worst, but that was the real reason I said it. And I don't think he cared if I was lying or not. I threatened suicide once or twice, half because I honestly considered it and half because I needed to know he wouldn't leave, that he really did love me. He said sex was what real couples had, if I loved him I should show it. I made a compromise of bases but no home runs. Temporary relief was better than none. We drank, we smoked, we did everything any teen does to escape, and I hated it, I hated it but I needed it, I needed breaks from reality."

She was pleading as if begging Gale for forgiveness, her voice barely above a whisper.

"My grades caught up with me. My family was a wreck. His family was a wreck. We were a wreck. I-I felt all I was doing was pulling everyone down: not keeping up my school work, not going to piano lessons, not being a good girlfriend or sister or daughter or friend. So when the recruiter found me after school and told me about Deus, I didn't stop to think how it'd affect anyone else if they thought I'd really died. I just said yes so I could get away from it all a-and stop existing.

"I didn't really think I'd last this long. I thought, Maybe I can last three months here before something kills me. I'm not a soldier. I'm still not a soldier. I still don't know what m'doing here sometimes." She curled up and tucked her head into her knees.

kuroopu

 

[kuropeco]

by any other name


He was still thinking about it, weighing the decision in his mind. It was a heavy choice, after all; the house was his special place of respite, where he'd go to spend time when he needed to be alone with his own thoughts, a quiet safe haven that had seen not just himself and Stormy, but also others when they had needed a place to stay.

And yet the house was still just a house. Not a person, not Stormy. Gale knew that, somewhere in his mind, and he opened his mouth to say something, to tell Stormy that he didn't have that much to move anyway, and that he was certain if he offered pizza and beer, there would be plenty of willing helpers, even if he found the beer to be foul himself.

But it didn't matter, because he didn't get a chance to say it anyway. Stormy had climbed into his lap and then she was kissing him, and he was slightly startled at first but easily adapted, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. His reading glasses pushed against his face, but he didn't care.

Tink made a little mewling sound from the floor, annoyed to be discarded. Gale was slightly dizzy. He touched Stormy's cheek, then rested his hand on her leg.

"I love you," he breathed and smiled against her lips.  

[kuropeco]

making amends


He wondered briefly if he'd upset her somehow with his prying, because Stormy grew silent for several moments, and then shifted away from him. Gale turned to look at her, but she had already come closer again, her back against his side, and he propped himself up a little further, looking down at her.

If he'd thought he knew enough about Jack Hawthorn to paint a clear picture of him, Gale had been wrong.

The words hung in the air of the room like frozen droplets, Gale staring up at the ceiling, his breathing deep and even, in spite of the whirring, rapidfire pace of the thoughts beginning to cascade inside of his head. His heartbeat quickened against his ribcage the longer she spoke.

"He lashes out. Sometimes--sometimes when you break, the only way to feel better is to break something else."

It felt like ice in his veins, like shards of glass pressing into his skin.

"He didn't always apologize."

The air in his lungs was cold. Breathing was painful.

"My mom...We lost her,"

The room felt thin.

"I threatened suicide once or twice, half because I honestly considered it and half because I needed to know he wouldn't leave, that he really did love me."

And now he couldn't breathe at all, and everything was out in the open. All of the backstory that Gale had both wanted and not wanted to hear, all of the history between Stormy and Jack that he had been afraid of, that he had even, at times, been jealous of because they had shared a past that he knew nothing about (and that Jack liked to flaunt in his face). It was there, inside of his head, inside of the room, surrounding them both like a mist, and the silence stretched out as he tried to wrap his mind around it all, the only sound of the ringing quiet.

Gale turned on his side, wrapped his arms around her from behind, buried his face into the back of her neck, and nothing came to mind of what he should say, what he could say, what he wanted to say, and his emotions were like a roller coaster, half of it a furious rage at Jack for being violent with her, half a terrible, anxious desire to just make it all better, even though he couldn't, even though it was over and done with.

(Except was it really?)

There was no pity in his eyes, just a deep rooted sorrow and longing as he slid a hand gently up and down Stormy's arm, trying to ease warmth into her thin limbs and thin body, as though this somehow might help to alleviate some of her pain, even if it wouldn't.

"You were tired," Gale said softly, his voice strained. "You were in pain. You just wanted it to stop, and you...you did the only thing you could. You didn't die, you survived. And you're here, and..." His voice was slightly muffled, his face still burrowed against her neck. His fingers were shaking, and Gale drew a sharp breath.

"I'm sorry," he said simply, because words had failed him and he felt terribly unhelpful, horribly tongue-tied. "Stormy, I'm so sorry."

medigel

 

[medigel]

by any other name

She beamed. "And I like you," she finished with another kiss. "And the way you think, and the way you speak, and the way you are, mi corazón."

Stormy wanted nothing more than to nestle into the crook of his neck and stay there for a while, but she heard Tink's cry and realized the timer would soon be going off. "I'll go make us a cuppa to celebrate," she said with another short kiss before peeling out of Gale's arms and plucking the little dragon up. "Is that the word? C'mere, cutie, sorry for dropping you like that, Stormama just got a little too excited..."
 

[medigel]

making amends

It was a testament to her strength that she didn't cry. She just felt...empty. Years' worth of memories came to her and threatened as usual to overwhelm her hold in the present, but they all seemed so inconsequential now. And maybe she should have felt bad because for all of the bad times with Jack, if it hadn't been for him she didn't know what she would have done as that lost high school freshman girl. Maybe Deus wouldn't have found her before she died, by something else or by her own making. Maybe she wouldn't had ever met the wonderful people in her life that were now friends and family.

But she supposed the most uncomfortable thing to acknowledge was that when Jack first arrived, he'd still loved her. Even two years later, with no hope of seeing her again and knowing full well she hadn't ever really reciprocated, love had been buried there underneath the anger and sorrow and guilt and resentment. Maybe that was where he had kept it for anyone he liked: deep, deep down where the effort was too much, in hopes it'd make him give up on reaching it again.

(And you threw him away, Nevada whispered. He wanted you back, but you'd already replaced him. No wonder he turned out so bad.)

She was quietly grateful when Gale's presence pulled her from her thoughts, a warmth at her back and arms. She uncurled a little to accommodate them more.

"S'okay," Stormy mumbled. "I just needed you to listen." Holding her was more than enough for comfort. "It's almost a ghost story now anyway. It's the past. It can't hold me back now."

She told herself that, but there was a grim chance Jack's death would just be another burden to carry, just like Nevada's. Just like Yao's and Fred's and Benson's and V's.

kuroopu

 

[kuropeco]

by any other name


He liked it when she called him by that nickname, because it felt warm and fuzzy and gentle. Gale let her go with some reluctance, and Tink made a trilling sort of noise as she was picked up, sticking her snout into Stormy's ear and snuffling happily.

"I love you," he called after her, and then added with a smile, "Both of you."  

[kuropeco]

making amends


He hated being so wishy washy, so at a loss for saying what he needed to in order to help her get through this. Saying my condolences was wrong, as was congratulations, which was heartless. Stormy had already said she was relieved, and Gale had also secretly been relieved as well, and yet it still seemed not quite right to just...celebrate someone's death - especially since happy wasn't even the right word for it.

Gale pressed a kiss to the back of her neck and squeezed her a little tighter, burrowing himself against her. "I'm still sorry," he said softly, and reached for her hand, threading their fingers together.

"If you...need anything," he said, and then trailed off with a small sigh.

medigel

 

[medigel]

by any other name

The loud squeal of delight she made at them both echoed throughout the entire house.  

[medigel]

making amends

She tugged his hand closer and enveloped it with both of hers, held close and just under her chin. Stormy almost looked like she was praying. "Time," she whispered. "Just need some time." It seemed easier to tackle with Gale curled around her, numbing the pain and confusion of what would be a long process with his warmth. Slowly, slowly, the tension eased from her body.

Then she felt a moth flutter in her arm: a quiet reminder that for all the relief she might find in Jack's death, it had still come at a price. One she wasn't sure she could ever fulfill.

"Thanks for listening. I know I wasn't really...I was young n' stupid and I guess I still kinda am, but...thanks."

kuroopu

 

[kuropeco]

making amends


Her hand felt cool against his own, but her grip was firm, and Gale let her do what she wanted with his hands, curling his fingers around hers. For several moments there was nothing except silence, a silence that stretched out between them, thick and slowly easing away from the heavy tension in Stormy's shoulders.

"You're not stupid," he told her gently, and squeezed her fingers. "I mean. I'm stupid sometimes. Everyone's stupid sometimes. But just because we do stupid things doesn't mean that we're stupid. It just means we do dumb things sometimes."

And a part of him, a part he had never wanted to admit before, knew somewhere in his heart that Jack had cared for Stormy. Whether it had been love was questionable, but it had been something. He had wanted to deny it, wanted to pretend it was just a selfish obsession on Jack's part, but after hearing what Stormy had to say, he couldn't ignore it.

"And I'll always listen," he added, softly, hating that he couldn't do more.