Please tell me I'm not the only one running into this

[SilentSaturn91]

I'm finding that as more and more people get into polyamory, they're getting involved for sex only and could care less about the romantic and emotional aspects of it. Is anyone else running into this and hitting their heads off the walls as hard as I am? It's rather rampant where I'm from and it's scaring off some seriously awesome, cool, smart, and wise people and it's turning into a fluster cluck.

Also how on Earth do you guys cope with this kind of crap?  

[Blackrose_Knight]

I think its people misusing the term polyamory. Poly is a specific subset of consensual non-monogamy. I think people are opening their relationships more, or perhaps being more verbal about it all.

However, I don't think calling people's preferred non-monogamy choice "crap". That is just a put down. And not cool.

I deal with it by clarifying what exactly polyamory is (consensual romantic and sexual relationships) and try to inform the person misusing the term about appropriate terms that more fit their style of non-monogamy.  

[Chieftain Twilight]

Blackrose_Knight

I think its people misusing the term polyamory. Poly is a specific subset of consensual non-monogamy. I think people are opening their relationships more, or perhaps being more verbal about it all.

However, I don't think calling people's preferred non-monogamy choice "crap". That is just a put down. And not cool.

I deal with it by clarifying what exactly polyamory is (consensual romantic and sexual relationships) and try to inform the person misusing the term about appropriate terms that more fit their style of non-monogamy.

I'm with Rose on this one. the way I see it, they are confusing "swinging" with Polyamory. neither is a wrong way of life, but sometimes people don't always realize that they aren't on the same page as eachother... that's when problems happen.

I think that's a good reason to define your terms, and why labels have a purpose.  

[Blackrose_Knight]

Chieftain Twilight

Blackrose_Knight

I think its people misusing the term polyamory. Poly is a specific subset of consensual non-monogamy. I think people are opening their relationships more, or perhaps being more verbal about it all.

However, I don't think calling people's preferred non-monogamy choice "crap". That is just a put down. And not cool.

I deal with it by clarifying what exactly polyamory is (consensual romantic and sexual relationships) and try to inform the person misusing the term about appropriate terms that more fit their style of non-monogamy.

I'm with Rose on this one. the way I see it, they are confusing "swinging" with Polyamory. neither is a wrong way of life, but sometimes people don't always realize that they aren't on the same page as eachother... that's when problems happen.

I think that's a good reason to define your terms, and why labels have a purpose.

LABELS ARE FOR SOUP CANS!!!!!!

*cough*

lol  

[Chieftain Twilight]

Blackrose_Knight

Chieftain Twilight

Blackrose_Knight

I think its people misusing the term polyamory. Poly is a specific subset of consensual non-monogamy. I think people are opening their relationships more, or perhaps being more verbal about it all.

However, I don't think calling people's preferred non-monogamy choice "crap". That is just a put down. And not cool.

I deal with it by clarifying what exactly polyamory is (consensual romantic and sexual relationships) and try to inform the person misusing the term about appropriate terms that more fit their style of non-monogamy.

I'm with Rose on this one. the way I see it, they are confusing "swinging" with Polyamory. neither is a wrong way of life, but sometimes people don't always realize that they aren't on the same page as eachother... that's when problems happen.

I think that's a good reason to define your terms, and why labels have a purpose.

LABELS ARE FOR SOUP CANS!!!!!!

*cough*

lol

yes they are. and they are also for other things.

we use labels to help us categorize. I understand the position that labels divide people needlessly, but I really think that that's more of a problem with a culture that is going to do that regardless of labels. labels don't inherently divide people. and to be honest, they makes things so much easier.

that's my stance on it. you don't have to agree or live that way. that's the best part -- it's subjective!  

[Blackrose_Knight]

Chieftain Twilight

Blackrose_Knight

Chieftain Twilight

Blackrose_Knight

I think its people misusing the term polyamory. Poly is a specific subset of consensual non-monogamy. I think people are opening their relationships more, or perhaps being more verbal about it all.

However, I don't think calling people's preferred non-monogamy choice "crap". That is just a put down. And not cool.

I deal with it by clarifying what exactly polyamory is (consensual romantic and sexual relationships) and try to inform the person misusing the term about appropriate terms that more fit their style of non-monogamy.

I'm with Rose on this one. the way I see it, they are confusing "swinging" with Polyamory. neither is a wrong way of life, but sometimes people don't always realize that they aren't on the same page as eachother... that's when problems happen.

I think that's a good reason to define your terms, and why labels have a purpose.

LABELS ARE FOR SOUP CANS!!!!!!

*cough*

lol

yes they are. and they are also for other things.

we use labels to help us categorize. I understand the position that labels divide people needlessly, but I really think that that's more of a problem with a culture that is going to do that regardless of labels. labels don't inherently divide people. and to be honest, they makes things so much easier.

that's my stance on it. you don't have to agree or live that way. that's the best part -- it's subjective!

Oh, I fully agree. Labels are useful and informative and help us humans explore the world around us.

Misuse of labels, and putting down people because of x label - is the problem.  

[Chieftain Twilight]

Blackrose_Knight

Chieftain Twilight

Blackrose_Knight

Chieftain Twilight

Blackrose_Knight

I think its people misusing the term polyamory. Poly is a specific subset of consensual non-monogamy. I think people are opening their relationships more, or perhaps being more verbal about it all.

However, I don't think calling people's preferred non-monogamy choice "crap". That is just a put down. And not cool.

I deal with it by clarifying what exactly polyamory is (consensual romantic and sexual relationships) and try to inform the person misusing the term about appropriate terms that more fit their style of non-monogamy.

I'm with Rose on this one. the way I see it, they are confusing "swinging" with Polyamory. neither is a wrong way of life, but sometimes people don't always realize that they aren't on the same page as eachother... that's when problems happen.

I think that's a good reason to define your terms, and why labels have a purpose.

LABELS ARE FOR SOUP CANS!!!!!!

*cough*

lol

yes they are. and they are also for other things.

we use labels to help us categorize. I understand the position that labels divide people needlessly, but I really think that that's more of a problem with a culture that is going to do that regardless of labels. labels don't inherently divide people. and to be honest, they makes things so much easier.

that's my stance on it. you don't have to agree or live that way. that's the best part -- it's subjective!

Oh, I fully agree. Labels are useful and informative and help us humans explore the world around us.

Misuse of labels, and putting down people because of x label - is the problem.

aye, I agree with you there. I never understood why people arbitrarily pick on eachother over petty (and again, arbitrary) differences. I admit I have gained a certain understanding of prejudice as invoked by negative experiences or irrational fears... but straight up bullying has no excuse at all! and prejudice is still wrong even when understandable.

I struggle with mine. I hate rich people. I hate cops. I hate gangs. I hate governments. but I know that the quality of being rich, or a cop, or a gang or a cop isn't the inherently bad thing that inspires my hatred. I have overcome my prejudices in isolated cases... but I'm still working on it.

I think people could learn to let go of their hate if they really gave other people a chance, and took the time to really examine and contemplate their own emotions and reasons. but I won't hold my breath.  

[Stella_Starwind]

its certainly not easy for me to deal with the last people I was with that I was involved in a triad kind of relationship with basically did the same thing to me they sat there and just told me flat out to my face they themsevles did not agree with polyamory that they them selves saw people doing it....and that they though it was just people making excuses to sleep with anyone they wanted to and be slutty.

and yet they both turned around and did the kind of things they claimed they did not like about what people were doing themselves.

some how the both of them thought they could justify what they did if it was a bi girl with one girl and one guy. And the the guy that was seeing the both of us had us believing that he was interested in the two of us for a while but then he would tell the both us of to our faces that he did not want to do that one day and the next it would be entirely different. I was the only one that caught on to that he was lying and using the both of us.


so I had to let them both go....because of his trickery and lying he convinced me that it was alright to cheat with the both of them on my now current bf and primary partner I am lucky the man I am with forgave me for my mistake and loves me for how.. I am.

I could not stand being told one day I was wrong for me being poly and that I should stop being that way just to suite someone else's needs and wants.

what other people think is important but changing how you are as a person just to make someone like you or love you is never a worth while thing to do.  

[Chieftain Twilight]

Stella_Starwind

its certainly not easy for me to deal with the last people I was with that I was involved in a triad kind of relationship with basically did the same thing to me they sat there and just told me flat out to my face they themsevles did not agree with polyamory that they them selves saw people doing it....and that they though it was just people making excuses to sleep with anyone they wanted to and be slutty.

and yet they both turned around and did the kind of things they claimed they did not like about what people were doing themselves.

some how the both of them thought they could justify what they did if it was a bi girl with one girl and one guy. And the the guy that was seeing the both of us had us believing that he was interested in the two of us for a while but then he would tell the both us of to our faces that he did not want to do that one day and the next it would be entirely different. I was the only one that caught on to that he was lying and using the both of us.


so I had to let them both go....because of his trickery and lying he convinced me that it was alright to cheat with the both of them on my now current bf and primary partner I am lucky the man I am with forgave me for my mistake and loves me for how.. I am.

I could not stand being told one day I was wrong for me being poly and that I should stop being that way just to suite someone else's needs and wants.

what other people think is important but changing how you are as a person just to make someone like you or love you is never a worth while thing to do.

absolutely agreed. the most important thing in the world is to be true to yourself. complete self-honesty. be who you are. if you're monogamous, be monogamous. if you are poly, be poly. and love who you love and be in relationships with people who respect you for who you are and don't try to change you, and don't try to change them. if it's compatible, that's beautiful. if it isn't, it's better to let them go so you can each be with someone that fits your life. you never need to change to fit someone's life.

I'm Poly, and proud to be. and I will be with people who respect and love me for who I am.  

[Noble Legolas]

I experience the same thing, but over here it's fashionable to be swingers, so everybody says they are swinging.

Keep your labelmaker to yourself, Chieftain Twilight. It's just like dating the regular way. Sometimes you find someone who's too serious about the relationship and pops the question right away, and sometimes it's just about sex. But then we call it commitment issues.

My bf and I have been dumped by some guys because we were 'too complicated'. Prolly because their gf was jealous. And those guys didn't even realise they were part of a polyamory/polyagomy (?) relationship. To be honest, me neither. I just realised it after reading stuff in this guild in the last 30 minutes. xd I still don't know how to spell it though lol  

[Blackrose_Knight]

Mulien

I experience the same thing, but over here it's fashionable to be swingers, so everybody says they are swinging.

Keep your labelmaker to yourself, Chieftain Twilight. It's just like dating the regular way. Sometimes you find someone who's too serious about the relationship and pops the question right away, and sometimes it's just about sex. But then we call it commitment issues.

My bf and I have been dumped by some guys because we were 'too complicated'. Prolly because their gf was jealous. And those guys didn't even realise they were part of a polyamory/polyagomy (?) relationship. To be honest, me neither. I just realised it after reading stuff in this guild in the last 30 minutes. xd I still don't know how to spell it though lol

Like I have said, labels have points. Its the misuse of them, or abuse of people with certain labels.

Me, I like labels, they help me find what soup I want (tomato because all other soups are inferior!) and they help me categorize the world around me.

Polyamory (I think of it as poly+amor+y)  

[M00nbat]

Blackrose_Knight

Me, I like labels, they help me find what soup I want (tomato because all other soups are inferior!) and they help me categorize the world around me.

(Obligatory Saew Derail)
Ok, Rosie, them's fightin' words! Tomato soup is the banana taffy of soups!  

[Blackrose_Knight]

Saew

Blackrose_Knight

Me, I like labels, they help me find what soup I want (tomato because all other soups are inferior!) and they help me categorize the world around me.

(Obligatory Saew Derail)
Ok, Rosie, them's fightin' words! Tomato soup is the banana taffy of soups!

rofl  

[Noble Legolas]

Blackrose_Knight

Like I have said, labels have points. Its the misuse of them, or abuse of people with certain labels.

Me, I like labels, they help me find what soup I want (tomato because all other soups are inferior!) and they help me categorize the world around me.

Polyamory (I think of it as poly+amor+y)

I don't understand the need for them labels. Except perhaps for soup.

I'm 33 years old and I changed labels more often then bedlinen in the past. It just depends on who I run into and how persuasive or attractive they are. I go by my gut feeling, not by label.

Just when I think traditional marriage would be a cute thing to do, some hot chick with a d**k comes around and sweeps me off my feet.
And just when I try and take things slow I find myself in bed with a bunch of people I barely know.

If I can't even label myself, who am I to judge you or anyone else?

And thanks by the way for making it easier to remember how to spell polyamory xd See? It worked. I didn't even have to check this time! wink