I recently found out I have HPV.

[StreetchIck123]

I had my first pap smear and found abnormal cells.

Found out I'm HPV positive.

I really don't know how to cope with it. I'm going for a coloscopy in April and I was intensely angry with my boyfriend. I've had him as my only intercourse partner, whereas in the past he's had over 10 or 11.

He didn't know he had it. He's been tested a couple months back for any and it cam back negative. Next week we're going to the doctor together to get tested for other forms of STDs and STIs.

What I'm really worried, is that I'm subconsciously resenting my boyfriend. Deep down I blame him. I can't help it. I'm angry, confused, hurt, etc. I don't trust him anymore. I told him this loud and clear. I refuse to have sex with him and he's okay with that. But I just can't help but stop thinking the worst of it all.

It was my first pap smear and I'm just too young to dir from cervical cancer.  

[LorienLlewellyn]

I freaked out when I was first diagnosed too. But I've since learned a lot about it, and it's way less scary than I initially thought.

It's not your boyfriend's fault. HPV is very common and very contagious. Most people have HPV, had HPV, or will get HPV. It's not something that they generally test for, and there are usually no symptoms. So most people have no idea that they have HPV. That means that even people careful people, even people who haven't been with many people, and even people who get tested can have and pass on HPV. So there's no reason to blame him.

And luckily, HPV is rarely a big deal. There is no cure for it, but most people fight it off in about two years. And most people have no symptoms and no complications from it during that time. Yes, it can cause cervical cancer. But it rarely does. And even when it does, the cancer is slow to progress. That means that it's easy for doctors to keep an eye on it. If they see a spot that's turning more abnormal, they can cut it out, usually before it even turns cancerous. Most of the women who die from cervical cancer are women who didn't get paps and colposcopies. Dying from cervical cancer is extremely rare in developed areas when women get their paps and colposcopies regularly.

If you want to know more, I typed up a sticky in the other sex ed thread about it. You can find it here: http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?page=1&t=23277625#342749623  

[StreetchIck123]

LorienLlewellyn

I freaked out when I was first diagnosed too. But I've since learned a lot about it, and it's way less scary than I initially thought.

It's not your boyfriend's fault. HPV is very common and very contagious. Most people have HPV, had HPV, or will get HPV. It's not something that they generally test for, and there are usually no symptoms. So most people have no idea that they have HPV. That means that even people careful people, even people who haven't been with many people, and even people who get tested can have and pass on HPV. So there's no reason to blame him.

And luckily, HPV is rarely a big deal. There is no cure for it, but most people fight it off in about two years. And most people have no symptoms and no complications from it during that time. Yes, it can cause cervical cancer. But it rarely does. And even when it does, the cancer is slow to progress. That means that it's easy for doctors to keep an eye on it. If they see a spot that's turning more abnormal, they can cut it out, usually before it even turns cancerous. Most of the women who die from cervical cancer are women who didn't get paps and colposcopies. Dying from cervical cancer is extremely rare in developed areas when women get their paps and colposcopies regularly.

If you want to know more, I typed up a sticky in the other sex ed thread about it. You can find it here: Aw]http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?page=1&t=23277625#342749623

Aw I didn't see that one. Only the one Nikolita put.

Thank you! This puts me a little more at ease. My mind is still processing about this. I'm just scared of telling my mom. My mom has been there for me for the longest in all doctor visits and I told her I had an abnormal pap smear before I left. She told me she hopes it's not an STD and bam, there's HPV.

My boyfriend is definetly going to be there in every doc visit. I'm definitely taking him to the coloscopy. I feel he's a little naive about the human body and want him to understand. he's getting tested next weekend and I'm going with him. My trust is pretty much demolished at this point and he's fine with it going slow. However, if he leaves because I don't put out I wouldn't be sad not one bit. I can't help but resent him. I know this is terrible but my mind is like I'm damaged goods or something.

I'm not trying to offend, but it's just what I've been feeling.  

[LorienLlewellyn]

StreetchIck123

My mind is still processing about this. I'm just scared of telling my mom. My mom has been there for me for the longest in all doctor visits and I told her I had an abnormal pap smear before I left. She told me she hopes it's not an STD and bam, there's HPV.

My boyfriend is definetly going to be there in every doc visit. I'm definitely taking him to the coloscopy. I feel he's a little naive about the human body and want him to understand. he's getting tested next weekend and I'm going with him. My trust is pretty much demolished at this point and he's fine with it going slow. However, if he leaves because I don't put out I wouldn't be sad not one bit. I can't help but resent him. I know this is terrible but my mind is like I'm damaged goods or something.

I doubt your boyfriend will leave because you want to take a break from sex. He might leave if you don't trust him though.

I've been interested in reproductive health for most of my life. I was interested in it before I even got my period. I took a semester long sex ed class in high school. I had a Baby Think It Over. I started going to the ob-gyn and getting paps 15 years ago. I've been active in the sex ed guilds here for probably about 10 years, and I've been running one of them for the past two or three years. I got on hormonal birth control as soon as I was ready to be sexually active. I never once messed up my birth control. I got tested. I'm college educated.

And I have HPV.

Having HPV doesn't mean that you're stupid, or careless, or don't know the facts, or have a ton of partners. HPV is common. It's contagious. Almost every sexually active person has it, had it, or will get it. People can get it even if they don't have many partners. People can get it even if they get tested. People can get it their first time having sex. People can get it in a monogamous relationship. People can get it even if they're good, and smart, and educated.

From the sound of it, he didn't cheat on you. And, like most people, he didn't know that he had it. So he didn't knowingly have it and knowingly pass it on to you without saying anything. He didn't betray you in any way. So to stop trusting him over this makes no sense.

So I'm wondering if this has more to do with the fact that you're not really comfortable with his past.

The first guy that I slept with. I wasn't his first. And that really bothered me. People always say that you remember your first. I felt angry, and jealous, and like his previous partner was more special, and like I would be compared to her.

But then as I got older and had more partners, and I realized I was wrong. Very wrong.

Yes, I remember my first partner. But I remember the others too. My first time with my first partner doesn't stand out in my memory any more than my first time with any of my other partners. It wasn't more special or more meaningful with my first partner. It wasn't more memorable. I don't compare other partners to my first. I don't compare other partners at all. Just because I have had previous partners doesn't diminish my ability to remember current or future partners. It doesn't diminish my ability to care about them. It doesn't diminish my ability to be intimate with them. It doesn't diminish my ability to have or enjoy sex with them. Kind of like how if you've had 10 bowls of ice cream in the past, it's probably not going to diminish your enjoyment of your 11th bowl.

My current partner is obviously not my first. And so what if he's not? This is the best relationship that I have ever been in. I was his first. I didn't find out that I had HPV until after I was with him. So, like your boyfriend, I unknowingly gave it to him. But he doesn't blame me. And I don't wish that I had waited for him so that he would be my first. Because every single bit of my past, the good and the bad, the sexual and the not sexual, is part of what makes me who I am today. And I like who I am today, where I am in life, and who I am with. So I wouldn't want to risk giving up any part of my past for fear of changing my present.

If you love your boyfriend, that means accepting him. And that means accepting his past. Because his past is part of him and part of what makes him who he is.

As for your mother, tell her as much or as little as you want. It's your business and your boyfriend's business. You're not obligated to tell anyone your HPV status except future partners and future doctors. If you do want to tell her about it, tell her the facts since it sounds like she's not familiar with HPV. She might freak out a little at first too because "STD" and "cervical cancer" both sound really scary. But since HPV is so common, it's hardly even considered an STD (There are over 100 different kinds of HPV. Some are sexually transmitted and some are nonsexually transmitted. The kind we have is sexually transmitted. So it is an STD. But since it's so incredibly common, it doesn't really carry the stigma that most other STDs have). And cervical cancer is so rare that it's almost a non-issue. So it sounds scary at first. But once you get over that initial "ohmygoshstdandcancer" moment, you realize that it's nothing to freak out about. If you're having trouble explaining it to her, feel free to show her this thread or the link that I gave you before.  

[StreetchIck123]

LorienLlewellyn

This helped me so much! I was like that in high school. I tried to do as much research as I can and learn about sex, STDS, etc. I'd never thought once in a million years I would get it. I know it seems like bragging, but I'm not. It just never really crossed my mind.

I'm just really scared. I'm a lot calmer than I was on Friday. However, I just been researching more about it. My boyfriend is actually taking it a lot better than I am. I was actually okay with his sexual past. I never really ask about it. The last time we did was about if he had been safe with those girls by using condemns/ birth control. That was about it.

It wasn't until this STD came about that's when I've been really uncomfortable now. He's had more sexual partners than I have, he's actually my first. So I guess I'm just kinda resenting about it. It's stupid and I'm trying to overcome this. I accused of the girl he was with when he had baresex with her. It was foolish of me to think that way.

I had a spanish teacher tell me she had cervical cancer that kept coming back. She had about 2 miscarriages before she had her second child. That is why the cancer thing is so concerning for me. Plus, having a stranger look through your v****a is intimidating.

I've been sexually abused before so having a doctor go check down there is nerve wrenching. I understand it's a doctor's thing. But as I read about the colposcopy, the gyno might get a tissue sample by putting that tool to spread my v****a so she can see my cervix. It takes about 10 minutes from what I read and it's gonna seem like forever once I get it.

My boyfriend is gonna get tested tuesday hopefully and I'll be going with him. Woould it be fine to let the doctor know that it's an urgent STD testing? Also, I want my boyfriend to be in the same room as me when I'm having my colposcopy. He kinda lacks understanding of the woman anatomy and what they have to go through sometimes. Would that be okay or would the gyno not allow it? I'm really comfortable with my boyfriend being next to me with that wardrobe ethe doctors give you when they check you for breast exams and such. I want him next to me when she's doing the colposcopy rather than wait in the waiting room. It just make me feel slightly violated when doctors check down there. It's common send it's for health purposes but I just would feel at east if he was next to me holding my hand.  

[LorienLlewellyn]

StreetchIck123

I had a spanish teacher tell me she had cervical cancer that kept coming back. She had about 2 miscarriages before she had her second child. That is why the cancer thing is so concerning for me.

Your cells can be low grade or high grade. Low grade means low risk for developing into cancer. High grade means high risk for developing into cancer. Most people will be low, then fight it off. So nothing will need to be done. Some people will go to high grade. Then the doctors might cut those bad pieces off the cervix. That can weaken the cervix and make it harder to carry a baby to term. But:

1. Most people with HPV will never need to have that done.

2. Even if you were one of the people who needed it done, you probably wouldn't need it done until years down the road. I started getting paps when I was 16. I got one every year until I was about 20. Then I didn't get another one until I was 24. That's when I had my abnormal pap. That was 6 years ago. I've been with my current partner for 7 years. So that means I have had HPV for roughly 7-10 years. Most people fight it off by now. I haven't. I have recently gone from low grade to medium/highish grade (that means that I don't have cancer, and I'm not at a terribly high risk of cancer, but my cells did get worse, which means my cancer risk went up). And that doctors are only just now talking to me about maybe having to do something about it in the future. So chances are you won't have to get any of your cervix removed (except for the teeny tiny sample that they take for the biopsy, which doesn't impact your cervix at all anyway). And even if you did, we're probably talking years down the road. Hell, they might even have better technology and a better way of doing it by then.

3. Even if you did need to get some of your cervix removed to the point that it was weakened, you still have options if you want kids. There's adoption. There's fostering. There's surrogacy (when you combine your egg and your partner's sperm in a petri dish - or donor egg or sperm if your eggs or your partner's sperm aren't good -, then implant it in another woman, who will carry and deliver your baby for you). Or doctors can sew your cervix shut. The problem with a weakened cervix is that it might have trouble keeping the baby in on its own. So if a woman has a weakened cervix that might compromise her pregnancy, her doctor may decide to sew her cervix shut to force it to hold the baby in there. Then, when the baby is ready to come out, the stitchings can be snipped.

So don't worry about it. Even in the worst case scenario, you have options.

StreetchIck123

But as I read about the colposcopy, the gyno might get a tissue sample by putting that tool to spread my v****a so she can see my cervix. It takes about 10 minutes from what I read and it's gonna seem like forever once I get it.

I've had four colposcopies. The first two took about 10, maybe even 15, minutes. That last two took 5 at most. So it depends on the doctor (my first was by one doctor, my second was by another, then my third and fourth were by the same guy). Of course it can be uncomfortable and can seem like a long time, even if it's only 5 minutes. Just try to stay calm. Try to keep your body relaxed. I like to bring a magazine with me. I can't focus enough to actually read it, but I flip through it to sort of distract myself.

StreetchIck123

My boyfriend is gonna get tested tuesday hopefully and I'll be going with him. Woould it be fine to let the doctor know that it's an urgent STD testing?

The results take however long they take. Sometimes they have to send samples out to labs. So sometimes results take a little while to get back. Telling them that you consider it urgent because you want his results quicker won't change that. Almost everyone wants their results quicker! I've been tested for HIV and chlamydia. I had the HIV results within minutes, but the chlamydia had to be sent out and took three days.

StreetchIck123

Would that be okay or would the gyno not allow it?

Some don't allow it, but most do.  

[StreetchIck123]

Quick update:

So I went to the doctor and had y biopsy. According to gyno my results indicated I had level one hpv. They're not sure what type of hpv it is but there level one precancerous cells. I need to keep doing my Pap smear every six months or so. They recommend me to be on hard sail so I can get rid of the deadlier hpv, so I'm on my last dose of gardasil which is on July.

After they did my biopsy, I got really sick. I had to be on lots of medication and cause of the antibiotics I ended up having a yeast infection. Not only that, I had y period that same day.

My yeast infection was gone and I waited 2 and a half weeks after my biopsy to start having sex again. Once I had sex, I experienced really bad pain on the lower portion of my hymen. I felt this rough sensation and it's painful. I haven't felt this pain during sex and I had to stop my bf a couple times. I went to the doctor but ugh she keeps saying everything is fine.

We've discussed this issue already with my bf, but I still feel very wary of him. I was so upset he didn't go with me to the biopsy test, he had work and had no one to cover for him, but this was important to me. I've asked him nutmeg pus times when he's getting tested and who was that girl he was with a long time ago. He says he will and to stop asking. But he hasn't even been tested for over a year! I told him that's completely irresponsible. Even though he's been with me for three years I feel that's no excuse.

We keep having argents about it and sex has been painful for me now. It hurts. We don't use condemns because we're monogamous, but it just...it bother me. Deep down I feel that he was the one who passed I to me.