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so i got a sad love story v.v
I guess it now has a end.
A ROMANCE GONE WRONG
By
Me
&
Her
Her
I've been thinking for awhile about our relationship. I know that having said this, you are immediately going to get defensive, thinking of ways that you can make me give in and get back together with you. But, it would work if you hear me out first.
Me:
I'll hear you out
Her
You haven't been around now for quite a while-- physically or mentally.
Me:
We hung out 3 or 4 days last week, Remember? We had a ton of fun. Monday I made that really bad cake. Well bad looking it tasted great very little carbs no sugar and almost no butter. It did taste great though. Wednesday you stopped by I told you about the room for rent and made you lunch. Friday we went to kyles and pats to hang out. The other days I made sure to message at least once per day, Telling you I love you because I was missing you.
Facebook:
Hello, beautiful Friday. I've been missing you.
After watching two episodes of Cake Boss, Justin wanted to make a cake. After two hours, he is finally done. Let's just say that he won't even let me take a picture of it now that his "masterpiece" is complete. I sure hope that it at least tastes better than it looks.
Tried to. Didn't make it. He was already cutting pieces for us to eat. At least it was yummy.
Her
I'm not going to blame you for not being here physically; you have all your stuff to do, just as I have mine.
Me:
You said you wanted to move out and I wanted to be the man and pay the bills for it so I have been working 40+ hours a week.
Her:
But you haven't been here mentally, which really hurts. The most that you've messaged me on Facebook is two sentences, and those haven't even been correlating. I call, text, and message you, but you do not respond, despite the fact that you often claim that you will.
Me:
Only on Saturday. I pressure washed the whole driveway bricks sides of the house and side walk. Wile he did a lot of painting. I was trying to be the man again and choose the harder task, because I did not want my 60 year dad out side for 5 hours bent over pressure washing. I could not have my phone on me because of the water going all over and getting me very wet.
Her
You say that you now have the ability to answer a call on either your tablet, laptop, or phone-- but you don't. And when I finally get together with you, it appears that you haven't even checked on any text messages from me; or haven't cared enough to do so.
Me:
I said I would but with how crazy things have been in the last 4 days have not set it up.
Her
I've been at two parties this weekend. At Kitty's party, I took a tongue lashing from Julia about how you are never there to visit. It ended up with me and Beka (because she had been yelled at too) locked in the bathroom while Julia yelled to everyone else about Beka and me.
Me:
It not our job to always be up there. I talk to Garrett every other day. I do not see him, but we talk a lot. Julia has been getting used by Beka for years, and Julia never stands up for her self. I have heard story after story from her about for like 4 years now. Good for her she needs to tell people off and that they cant just expect everything and give nothing back. I side with Julia. I am sorry about you. Wrong place wrong time.
Her
At the second party, nothing whatsoever involved you. But, I had more fun than I've had in quite some time. I was with friends, I got drunk, and we all had a great time. I hadn't even thought about inviting you as well. You had barely spoken to me all weekend, and I felt that you would have simply claimed that you couldn't. It wasn't worth my effort to get in touch with you just to get a no
Me:
That really hurts after all the work Friday and Saturday with my dad, and them finishing up something for a client a party Saturday would of been nice.
Her
When I graduate college, I am joining the Peace Corps. I have been working on my application and such for months now. I haven't told you because I felt that you would talk me out of it.
Me:
You have no idea how bad that hurts. You can tell me anything. I took a huge hit when everything I had worked so hard for failed, I was in a depression for months. I looked up Life Water and found they are looking foe people. I was thinking about bringing that up to you, but in the end decided to forget about it.
Her
You always have a way off doing that with anything that I want to do. I was afraid that, if I allowed you to talk me out of it, I would regret it for the rest of my life. However, I felt guilty about that. I felt guilty about not telling the one that I am in a relationship about something as major as this.
Me:
I love you, and you can tell me anything.
Her
But, after talking both to other people as well as my therapist, I realized that I had every right not to tell you. This is my life, not yours. This is my future, not yours. We are not married. We don't have any kids. I had no actual obligation to tell you right away, or to feel the need to not join.
Me:
Not true. We did not start dating last week. We talked about getting married after college getting settled in then adopting kids. It was not your life it was our life, Not my future not your future, OUR future. We may not be married but I think of you like that. I don’t think hmm is this going to work out. No I think about growing old with you, staying by your side. Does just a boyfriend go through all the trouble i do every time something medical happens. No. We are way past boy friend, and girl friend. We should talk about anything major like that and take the other person input. Every major path in my life I have talked about with you first. I am on all of your medical forms as if we where married also because I do that job. I have spent A crazy amount of time on the phone with people about your medical stuff. That’s a Parent or Spouse job. I even set up the stuff with your current therapist. We are way past just dating in so many other ways. I make you food every chance I get to try and make your morning afternoon or night a little bit better. I also make sure your never trusty and will always drop what I am doing to get it for you. I try to take care of you like a spouse does. I take every chance I get to make you happy. I can make you smile when your having a bad day. I have never turned down a hobby you wanted to try or a craft you wanted to make. Tyler is not that annoying kid that lives at your house. He is like a brother to me also. If something where to happen to him I would be grieving along side you. I care about his future like you do. I wanted you to like Miss Chirel because she made your dad happy because I also care about him. We are not the normal dating relationship. We where much farther down the path then I guess you ever realized. You have had more then your shear of ruff times and that has brought us that much closer together.
Her
So, I'm joining the Peace Corps.
Me:
That’s cool should of told me sooner.
Her
There is also a very strong possibility that I will be moving in with Kyle and Pat. When you suggested moving in with them together, I was kind of hopeful; but at the same time, I was disappointed. If you can make enough money to pay their rent (to live in there part time even), then why can't you afford to pay me back the money that I have been waiting for for over a year?
Me:
I should of saved better. I was just waiting to pay you all of at once, and I ******** up. But I did tell you I was going to buy the playchoise off you first then move. I said that Wednesday.
Her
I seem to never be able to rely on you for my own problems-- at least, so long as they are not serious problems, like my mom dying or me thinking that I am dead. Then again, even now you seem not to care when I am having those "dead" circumstances. Nor do you seem to care about the fact that I will not ever do pot again. It all just seems to be what matters to you.
Me:
Everything that matters to you matters to me. But i also have to work sometimes and you take those times as me not caring. I tell you I need to do this to make money, but all you seem to hear sometimes is. I don’t want to talk to you right now. Like the time I almost like a years worth of work. A whole year of code i made, My code. I reuse code and I have my own API crated now. That was everything I have work for so far. I spend 14 hours saving as much as i could passed out for 10 mins, then came over at 4 in the morning. I do care I do try hard, but you refuse to see it from any other view sometimes.
Her:
I'm getting off track. I will hopefully be moving in with Kyle and Pat with my dad's help. He understands the need to leave the house. He understands that this is my last chance to live freely before the Peace Corps. We together are going to try and work it out so that I can afford that. I will still be there too htoo him,tp of course. But I will live in in own place, where I can get used to living without my family.
Me:
I know I have been talking about this with kyle and pat for two weeks now. I couldn’t wait to live with you like I said on Wednesday. I have been looking for a chance like this for like a year now. And the peacecore sounds fun. Take some time travel the world helping people. Then come back and start a life.
Her
You know that we would never be able to work out for my two and a half years overseas. If it is barely possible to get in touch with you now, how would I be able to rely on you when I am in the Peace Corps? I'd be constantly unhappy, as I am now, when I am supposed to be helping others. I can't do that.
Me:
Unhappy you seem really happy Monday when we where together, or Wednesday when we where together, or Friday when we where together. I want to come with you I love you home is where ever you are. We can travel the world together.
Her
I can't do this. I want to be friends with you, I want to keep some sort of a bond. But, I can't keep relying on you for something that I know I shouldn't. I can't keep imagining that you are going to change when, in truth, we have just drifted apart. Promises mean nothing anymore.
Me:
We have never been closer, We have had a great summer. I have changed. I am making money. I am getting us a place. I have lost 40 pounds in 3 months from running. I went from 276 to now 236. I am doing what I should working hard to take care of you. Finding us a home. And making you happy. I can always make you happy when we are together.
Her
I'm sorry. I'm leaving you.
Me:
Thought so i mean its not like you got drunk really depressed and thought I was the root of all your unhappiness before just to later find out that to completely not be true. Except for 4 times. 5 now.
Or got High and thought you where dead.
Your imagination is very strong and make new realities when your not sober and angry or scared. You know this to be true.
You get irrational thoughts when you get drunk and unhappy. Remember the rule only drink when your happy. And its not your fault you had no idea the drama trap you where walking into.
But weird the first time you have been drunk and unhappy since that last thing this happens.
Think about it. Every time you drunk and its a bad drunk You have to change something major in your life.
I am fine with the peacecore. I am. Should of talked to me about it, and all this would of been avoided.
Everything you felt that night at garretts was not you, not who you are.
The Peacecore is not something that just came to you when you where drinking, I am not talking about that. You have been thinking about it for awhile and it seems to mean a lot to you.
I talked to tyler last night when he asked me if you where with me. i told him i had no idea where you were, But told him i needed to get my tools from there. i have some work i need to get done with them. I thought you would be at school, but really needed them and you throw my whole plan off when you where home.
He told me today he is worried about you,and that the last two days you have been someone else, and you didn’t leave Kyle’s house and get home till 3 and when you did you scared the s**t out of him.
But Last night I couldn’t take it i was so torn up i could not be alone because the love of my life was wanting to part ways that i needed to be with friends.
So I spent the night at kyle's, well left at 4 , but got there at 11
You acting really weird, from what tyler says. your never home and always gone and no one knows where. You did not even come home today after school.
Think closely about just last week look at you own facebook page and try to remember how you felt before you stared drinking and everything went south.
That is far from how you feel now.
Weird how one night can make you forget so much. So much love so much happiness.
I guess its to late. you are off doing what ever it is you need to get out of you system.
But when you real world kicks in and you remember all the good times we had had just in the last month. Ill be here for you
I love you unconditionally, and I have no idea what you have been doing in the last 2 days or where you have been no one does. But you never have to tell me i don’t care i am just worried about you. I just want you back in my life. You know everything I said here right.
Now think closely on all of this. your world changed last weekend. And you left with real emotions based on a false reality. A drunken reality.
I love you more then anything in the world, and was so close to moving in and living with the girl of my dreams. Weeks away.
Today when you said ill call the cops you hurt me more then anyone ever has I didn’t cry I didn’t think I just parked one neighborhood away and sat and i thought about all of this. I couldn’t drive. I was not safe to be on the road was just a ghost to the world is what it felt like. I think i understand DR or DP now. The world passes you by you see it but at the same time it not there. People are not people just there just like the cars moving but more of just an empty object.
But on the Flip side to know someone means that much to you that that can literally cause your whole world to stop and shatter your very reality is an awesome thing to know and something worth fighting for.
I mean this.
I would gladly follow you anywhere. Where ever you are is where home is for me. I am all the things you wanted. I am working hard, making money, and was about to be providing a place for my family to live, You. I help you in time of need, take care of you in sickness and in health. I have been working really hard to become the provider for our small two person family.
I can offer you the same i always have, Never to talk down to you, never to hurt you, with word or violence. I have always been faithful. Whats mine is yours. I will continue to hide nothing I have no passwords and the places that require them you know what they are. And at the same time I will not expect you to revile anything, I have not and will continue to never ease drop on any email, facebook conversation, text message, or any other form of communication. If its important I trust you will shear it. I will never get angry at you, I will only comfort you. You will always have my trust, and at the same we are all just human. So you will always have my forgiveness. You mean more to me than my own life, and I would gladly die, if it meant you got to live.
You know all that to be true. I have proved all that for 5 years. And that is not something a lot of people can offer honestly. But You know i can. You know I have been.
And most of all you will always have my unending love.
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