/smacks wall repeadedly

[loonaboots]

so thursday night, my dad came into to talk to me after my twin and he got into a fight of sorts. we talked about what she had said that concerned me, and other things. eventually, we ended up talking about my brother. (and then about other things, but they're unrelated) and he mentioned that he (brother) thought he was gay. he thought i knew about it, because a.) he's mentioned it to mom, b.) my stepmom apparently found gay porn on the downstairs computer and told dad so c.) dad found out when he told my mom, and d.) apparently he's told helen.

in short, i am the only one my brother has never approached about this. and if i had to guess, most or all of this went down last year.

and i don't know what to think. half of me wants to strangle him and demand an answer as to why he didn't tell me in a bit, and the other half of me wants to wait until he mentions he has a boyfriend (if he ever does- note the "thought he was gay" thing), and then guilt trip him for it. badly.

i don't know. i just don't know. i don't know what to do, and i'm angry as hell right now.  

[Saint Sims]

You're mad at your brother because he hasn't come out to you?!

Stop that, right this instant!

I'll pose this question to you, I don't need an answer but I need you to really sit on it and mull it over:

Does his coming out change anything?

Also, let me shed light on how I view sexuality:

Sexuality isn't something that fits into a box with a label on it. It's not something that can be controlled or dictated. You feel attracted to someone because you are, nothing more than that. Sexuality is part of our Id (Ego, Super Ego, Id), it's primal and rather inexplicable.

Orientation on the other hand is an unnecessary invention of society meant to pent up, justify, and explain sexuality. Orientation labels were probably created to make society easier but if anything it has only hindered it. No matter what your sexual orientation is, you're attracted to someone because of who they are and how they look (that's biology for you), gender actually plays no significance.

As an openly "gay" man I can honestly say I have sexual attraction towards females all the time. The reason I came out as "gay" and continue to humor the idea, is because I can only see myself marrying a man.

So realize, sexuality isn't something easily understand or grasped and modern terms don't help the issue in the least.

Furthermore, sexuality doesn't determine anything about who you are. Sexuality simply says who you want to have to sex with, or kiss, or spend the rest of your life with (although sex is the ultimate primal goal).

 

[loonaboots]

Der Fluch des Pharao

aah! sorry, i'm really bad at explaining things.
i'm not mad about that- i'm more confused as to why, considering he's usually very forward about things and i don't know if i did something to make him not tell me. if anything, i'm mad at myself. and i am mad right now, but it has to do with things that are completely off-topic and not related to what my post is about.

also- no, it doesn't change anything. i'm ace. if the realization that hey, i'm ace, didn't change s**t about how i saw myself, it certainly won't change anything about my brother.