I took my trans wife to prom. We had a baby. I regret prom.

[PrinceOfSpica]

So I suppose I just had a little something on my mind that I wanted to share.

gaia_angelleft First, I'm a female. I identify as pansexual. gaia_angelright

I met the most wonderful trans girl online. We met and dated for months. I decided to take her to my senior prom. I wanted so much to show my small town southern school that there were different kinds of love out there and I wanted her to have the right to go to prom dressed in what she was comfortable in. So I lied on the small permission form I had to fill out. For the sake of...Idk all lgbt couples out there I was going to take my lover to the prom with me and she was going to wear the gorgeous dress she had picked out for herself. And so I took her. And I knew that this was the best time to break these rules because situations like this were all over the news around that time. I was right in assuming that my school did not want the publicity. No one asked us to leave. We had fun and I felt wonderful about taking a stand. And after prom I heard that people were talking but not a whole lot of it came back to me. I'm surprised that It didn't.

THREE YEARS LATER....

We married legally ( because my wife's birth certificate says male). Also we had a surprise miracle pregnancy that gave us the most beautiful baby girl that the Goddess has ever made. But I've found out from my sister (Whom I've not spoke to for 11 years) that my name was infamous in the halls of my high school. What I did was not as unnoticed as I had thought. In fact they made stricter rules to prevent this sort of event from ever happening again. So in a sense....I've made it even harder for people like me to have that perfect prom experience. I, in fact did not make a good impact on these close minded southern people. I can only imagine how much other glbt couples there hate me. On top of that my sister told me that If my Wife continued to transition that " Your daughter will go to school and be ridiculed for the rest of her life. That or hide both of you from the world because of her shame." I thought about that...and I believe it. I never wanted to make things harder on my child. But there it is. I regret that she'll never be able to walk around in my home town with out the possiblity that someone might find out that I'm her mother. Going to the same school I went to is OUT. I don't want to have to leave my family just so she can go to school. Though she's so young now I have some time to think about it. Also I don't want my wife to feel like she must hide herself (or detransition?) just to ensure that our child isn't made fun of.

I suppose what I'm asking is did I make the right choice? Or for advice. But More than that I wanted to get my story out.

If you have similar stories please feel free to share. emotion_bigheart  

[TulipMeows]

PrinceOfSpica

I'm so sorry that your town is so closed-minded ): I've never been in this situation, but I think your best bet is to wait a few years and see if the town kind of "forgets" the whole thing (or realizes that it shouldn't matter .-. ) and then just do whatever is best for your little baby. I hope whatever you do you'll be happy though <3 You'll always have us supporting you 4laugh  

[PrinceOfSpica]

I appreciate that. cat_emo Thanks.  

[Chaotic Houndoom]

You made the right choice. Being closed-minded is a shameful thing really. It means they aren't willing to accept anything different. Don't feel shameful. It's not your fault that it happened, because if anyone else had done it, it would have been made harder anyway. Feeling ashamed is what they want. There is no shame in being who you are or where you come from. It's only a shame if people make it that way. Being true to yourself and stay on the path of you and your family's life. Don't let others stop you from being you. One way other another, I believe, that karma will get those who are like that.  

[PrinceOfSpica]

Very philosophical. I hope you're right. My heart agrees with you but my mind keeps telling me something different.  

[AlexBreaux]

I applaud your bravery, and I do believe you made the right choice. You opened their eyes and let them see something they never have before, though they made the rules more strict maybe a kid will take what you did and find another way around it just like you did using your story as a blueprint.
congratulations on everything by the way. sounds like a happy family  

[Saint Sims]

No rule or policy or mindset should go unchallenged.

Regardless of the repercussions, your choice was one that was innately right.

Your infamy in your high school undoubtedly inspires people just like you. What you did probably motivates them and gives them a sense of hope for the world.

I applaud your actions and feel that you have no need to regret them.

You've essentially taught every LGBTQAI individual in your community and school that senseless and ignorant policies that discriminate against any persons will not be tolerated.

 

[Noelia Duske]

Sweetheart, the love you share with your partner is beautiful. Your child will love her parents no matter their sexual origin. She'll just want for you to be happy! In the end, she may be ridiculed, but this will teach her to be more open-minded and tolerant towards those who may be different. smile I think that that's what matters. She will love you both, no matter what you decide, so listen to your heart. heart  

[PrinceOfSpica]

Thanks to all of you. <3 It really makes me happy to hear that I wasn't crazy when I thought standing up would make a difference. (If that makes any sense. lol)  

[Sin Error]

My eyes seriously opened right after I finished reading. you are very brave and I do believe you did the right thing. if an LGBT person, or anyone ask you why, ask'em if they would've done the same if they had the courage.  

[PrinceOfSpica]

Sin Error

My eyes seriously opened right after I finished reading. you are very brave and I do believe you did the right thing. if an LGBT person, or anyone ask you why, ask'em if they would've done the same if they had the courage.

I've never really considered myself brave. Just stupid in the way that I don't look before I leap. The fire got built up in me and I felt as though I could take on the world. Besides that, I practically had the ACLU on speed dial xDDDD. I was gonna smear their names all over the news If I met any resistance. ^^;

And, you know? I believe that if many of us did things like this we would get positive results. They can't defeat us If we all stand together.  

[Shanna66]

you took a stand and did what made the 2 of you very happy, you made the right choice.

even if your child had a perfectly normal home life im sure she would still be picked on about something else. just make sure she knows that you love her and will always be there for her.  

[I AM R U]

Sin Error

My eyes seriously opened right after I finished reading. you are very brave and I do believe you did the right thing. if an LGBT person, or anyone ask you why, ask'em if they would've done the same if they had the courage.

I completely agree - its sad that your home town has demonstrated such a closed mind, but that was VERY brave of you... I'm also pleased to hear that you and your wife are still together, with a child ^___^ I really do hope for all the best the future can bring to you...

If it helps, I went to an all boys Catholic school. Not only were we NOT allowed to bring a male partner to formal dances, we HAD to bring a girl... I took a friend, and my boyfriend's sister to my two dances, but it really sucked... So while they did tighten the rules at your school, some schools already make it tough without even allowing a precedent to be made.

I don't think any other gblt kids would hate you - they might be angry at the school, they might be hurt and upset at the lack of support and love from the place they live and go to school, but I doubt they'd hate you. If someone had done that at my school, I'd respect them, and just be angrier at the school for not learning anything from the experience.  

[Keakealani]

Hmm... is it possible to retrospectively try to get some more openness or non-discrimination policies in effect for the school district? Like perhaps contact larger regional or national LGBT support organizations and tell them that this school is being discriminatory in their policies (which would be true if they have cracked down on nontraditional couples since your prom). Maybe even stage a violation of their rules with a really good civil rights lawyer and threaten to sue them for violation of 1st amendment freedom of expression or a similar protection against discrimination (14th amendment privacy rights?)

It would also be awesome, if you are able, to maybe start getting active with any other groups in your area that reach out to LGBT people and their allies, like a local GSA, PFLAG, or other organization. It's important, especially in closed-minded areas, for LGBT youth to have adult role models to learn from and talk to. It can counteract a lot of the hateful bigotry they might receive at schools and other environments just to have a mentor figure that is willing to accept and support them and to model what can happen if you are a strong, proud figure of the LGBT community.

At the very least, that could help to reverse the unintended negative consequences of your actions (which are, by the way, not wrong... except the lying, but it was totally justified in this case). Even though we're really not "there" yet in this country, it really shouldn't be legal for them to discriminate so harshly and especially to make you fear for your child's safety.

That all being said, it seems like you and your wife might need to make some rough decisions about having your child begin schooling elsewhere. You shouldn't have to fear for their safety or feel like it will come back to you or your family in a negative way. It shouldn't be necessary for you to have to go out of your way to protect basic safety, but it's the reality in some places, and it is probably a conversation better had today than later.

That all being said, though - don't regret your past actions. Just make the best of what you can now. Use your experience to help the next generation of LGBT youth and try to give your child a better life.  

[Colorful Angels 1]

You were not in the wrong to stand up for what you believe in Im glad you went to prom with your wife smile You should always Stand up for what you believe in No matter the rules or what other ppl think do what makes you happy not them You and your wife were brave to do that and i support you every step of the way