Pansexual backlash?

[Oh Asobi]

I never really understood why who someone is attracted to causes OTHER people so much dismay. It's not there life. I personally ignore it because all I hear is ignorance when people talk like that.  

[Jaxinc]

NegaScott_7x7

Something that I have been noticing lately is this trend where people are saying things along the lines of you shouldn't care about the gender of your partner. I get where they're are coming from but it seems to me like this could become a bad thing. To say that you shouldn't care about the gender of your partner is to say that its a choice to care at all.

Lemme start off by saying 90% of people that claim to be 'pansexual' are not and fall into the bisexual category... Being pansexual is a completely different mindset and life than just being bisexual.

I myself am not attracted to either male or females. So it's not that I don't care about gender... it's that I feel zero physical attraction to either gender and thus it doesn't matter to me. I am not 'genderblind' where I can't see gender(which is odd to me), but I am attracted to people's unique personalities. I have dated both males and females, slept with both, and I'm currently involved in a polygamous relationship with my fiance who is male and our third who is female.... Love is all that should matter.

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Sometimes when people say this kind of thing to me I get offended because I don't think I should be made to feel like I am supposed to be attracted to everyone just because they say so. I can't help it that I am not attracted to male anatomy and couldn't be romantically involved with a man.

As I said, I'm not attracted to either gender... and you're not attracted to the male gender. So, who cares what they think? People who spout that kind of thing annoy me... everyone is different and you can't expect someone else to have your views and thoughts.

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But even if I had the choice to like everyone, I wouldn't because why? I shouldn't have to do that just because other people think I should. And I'm not saying its bad to not care because its not, but to try to make people feel like they should do the same is what's bad because its just not that way for everyone.

Yes forcing one's belief's or views onto someone else is wrong. This is exactly why we're given a bad view to the rest of the world because of the select group trying to force it down normal people's throats and the media just eats it up.

My point really is to be yourself and don't worry about what anyone else says. The only opinion that should matter is your friends and family, and if they don't respect your views then they are not really your friends are they?  

[Pia Austin]

Happily bisexual not sure if I should tell friends in the future though given how much people want to experiment currently. I really want a relationship not causal sex or sexting. Just a nice chill relationship where we watch movies, go to a club, or just talk.  

[Exhaustedapostate]

Vampyre_Angel_Kiss

Speaking from a pansexual point, I'd like to say this does not reflect every pansexual's point of view.

I don't discredit gender. I see it and go 'Oh, you're __________. That's cool, I'll remember that for when I'm asked.' I acknowledge it, but I don;t use it to judge how I feel about someone. Gender doesn't matter to me. I love you no matter who you are- I jugde almost purely on inner value.

On the outside, be yourself and don't be afraid. If you love colour, wear it. If you're into the whole 'cigarette and skinny jeans', rock it. If you want to be skater-chic, awesome. Just be yourself- put your spin of fashion. I like the standpoint gender doesn't matter to me. I like being inclusive, and am down for anything with anyone. Not everyone else is, and I'd never force it.

 

[PrinceOfSpica]

I identify as pansexual simply because I am attracted to trans women. I identify in this way because gender/sex does not have to match for the one that I love. This is how i've understood the term.  

[Sea Thrift]

I'm on another forum, and I notice this kind of attitude with some (but not all) polyamorous persons in said forum. They try to accuse monogamous people of being selfish, that romantic love SHOULD be extended to more than just one person, and that one could never be enough for the person one loves, and how dare one ever think they're enough—how dare one try to keep the love of one's life from fulfilling him/herself through loving romantically (and possibly having sex) outside of the primary relationship.

Needless to say, it's ridiculous and pretentious. If someone is monogamous by nature, then they are. If someone is polyamorous by nature, then they are. Both are all right, and one isn't inherently better than the other. I honestly believe that polyamory works just great for some people, and I get the general concept of it. However, I am not a polyamorous person, and I doubt I'll ever be. I cannot change how I feel.

Same with pansexuality vs. other sexualities—both sexualities are all right, and one isn't better than the other. Neither group can't change how the other feels; they can shout "you should do this, and you shouldn't do that!" all day long, but it will not change who a person is in their core.  

[Blackrose_Knight]

s o a p n u t

I'm on another forum, and I notice this kind of attitude with some (but not all) polyamorous persons in said forum. They try to accuse monogamous people of being selfish, that romantic love SHOULD be extended to more than just one person, and that one could never be enough for the person one loves, and how dare one ever think they're enough—how dare one try to keep the love of one's life from fulfilling him/herself through loving romantically (and possibly having sex) outside of the primary relationship.

Needless to say, it's ridiculous and pretentious. If someone is monogamous by nature, then they are. If someone is polyamorous by nature, then they are. Both are all right, and one isn't inherently better than the other. I honestly believe that polyamory works just great for some people, and I get the general concept of it. However, I am not a polyamorous person, and I doubt I'll ever be. I cannot change how I feel.

Same with pansexuality vs. other sexualities—both sexualities are all right, and one isn't better than the other. Neither group can't change how the other feels; they can shout "you should do this, and you shouldn't do that!" all day long, but it will not change who a person is in their core.

Who advocates this? I here "some poly people" who is mouthing off like this?

While I totally agree, people can be monogamous or poly, I do not agree with the idea there is a singular true love for someone. The numbers aren't there.

If you are monogamous, this is a numbers game. There are BILLIONS of humans on this earth. The point of monogamy is not to find your perfect match (and then freak out and divorce/dump anyone who isn't "perfect" ), the point is to find someone who fits WELL, and you can compromise on the parts that don't fit.

Hell that is how it is for poly people too. I think the current culture around monogamy, lies to monogamous people. There is no Prince Charming, but there is a Prince Really Awesome Who Totally Works With Me.  

[Sea Thrift]

Blackrose_Knight

Who advocates this? I here "some poly people" who is mouthing off like this?

While I totally agree, people can be monogamous or poly, I do not agree with the idea there is a singular true love for someone. The numbers aren't there.

If you are monogamous, this is a numbers game. There are BILLIONS of humans on this earth. The point of monogamy is not to find your perfect match (and then freak out and divorce/dump anyone who isn't "perfect" ), the point is to find someone who fits WELL, and you can compromise on the parts that don't fit.

Hell that is how it is for poly people too. I think the current culture around monogamy, lies to monogamous people. There is no Prince Charming, but there is a Prince Really Awesome Who Totally Works With Me.

I agree—monogamy does involve compromise. And I agree that there is a standard, a sense of entitlement that a lot of people have in first-world societies that makes them think there's the perfect one out there in the world for them, when there isn't. For example, I have a friend (and don't get me wrong, I love her to death) who totally admits to having a Disney-inspired idea of what kind of man she wants, and knows that her standards are too high and unrealistic, but refuses to accept anything less, even by a little bit. All I can say is, she may be very lonely for a long time before reality sets in.

But I don't think it's so much about numbers; I'm not sure how numbers have anything to do with finding someone who's compatible enough to be with in a long-lasting relationship, unless you're just relating it to chance. It seems time, patience, and experience has more to with the situation. And I think it's totally possible to find someone where you can say, "I love this person 100%, and I don't need anyone else. We don't always see eye to eye, and we don't have all the same interests, but that's all right—we accept one another's differences, and it's not an issue for us in the long run." Why come in and tell someone, "Well, that person may not be enough for you, and you may not be enough for them. You can't expect to give enough love to each other—that's just selfish!" How incredibly pretentious, presumptuous, and disrespectful. lol

It may not be a situation of the one true love, a soul mate; I don't believe in soul mates myself, but I do believe that a lot of people are capable of finding someone that's close enough. Why can't others be happy for two people who only want each other, and that's it? Unless there's some kind of life-threatening issue, like ABUSE, that isn't being addressed in a monogamous relationship, the relationship can be left alone in peace.

I digress. I don't want to hijack this thread's OP. x3  

[I AM R U]

Oh Asobi

I never really understood why who someone is attracted to causes OTHER people so much dismay. It's not there life. I personally ignore it because all I hear is ignorance when people talk like that.

Is anyone able to explain to be the EXACT difference between someone who is bi, and someone who is pan? I've never really understood sweatdrop

Also, I don't know is any other bisexuals have noticed it, and I'm sure its an element that pansexuals may experience too, but if you date someone of the SAME sex, bigots go all "omg, you're gay you monster" and if you date someone of the OPPOSITE sex, some gay people go all "omg, you're betraying the cause, you monster"... It's very annoying stare  

[Oh Asobi]

I AM R U

Oh Asobi

I never really understood why who someone is attracted to causes OTHER people so much dismay. It's not there life. I personally ignore it because all I hear is ignorance when people talk like that.

Is anyone able to explain to be the EXACT difference between someone who is bi, and someone who is pan? I've never really understood sweatdrop

Also, I don't know is any other bisexuals have noticed it, and I'm sure its an element that pansexuals may experience too, but if you date someone of the SAME sex, bigots go all "omg, you're gay you monster" and if you date someone of the OPPOSITE sex, some gay people go all "omg, you're betraying the cause, you monster"... It's very annoying stare

I've never gotten that response from anyone whom is gay. I personally never say what my sexuality is openly because in all honesty it doesn't define who I am and it really shouldn't matter. But I have gay friends and straight friends and absolutely none of them have reacted in that fashion and I date boys and girls though I lean more towards men. confused  

[Taeryyn]

I AM R U

Is anyone able to explain to be the EXACT difference between someone who is bi, and someone who is pan? I've never really understood sweatdrop

Bisexual means that you experience attraction to two sexes or genders. Bi means "two".
"Pan", on the other hand, means "all" or "every". Pansexual means that you experience attraction to people of all sexes and genders, which includes those that may fall outside of the gender binary. Not that you're attracted to everyone, but rather that sex, gender, and gender expression aren't a factor when it comes to attraction.

I enjoy Laci Green's explanation.