So, Polygamy

[humble_gypsy_traveller]

Just thought I'd start a thread seeing as there was nothing in here about being openly and physically romantic with many others (that I've seen).

I've been in it for 10 years now. I'm still learning. Funny...the girl that I was in my second poly relationship didn't really go by all the rules of it. Yes...there's actual rules to it. We went to a club and one of her partners that I didn't know about was there. She left with him and just shrugged me off.

There are many types of Polygamy. Anyways, The gist to BASIC polygamy...

1. Be open with your partners. Tell them that you're interested in other people
2. CHEATING is NOT polygamy. It's all about good communication
3. Have fun with it. Share your partners with your other partners; sit down with your partners and discuss the good and bad you had with other people.

I have a steady partner right now. She is my primary; though I do my best to encourage her to seek other partners. I'm not saying that I'm tired with her and we should take some time off, it's just saying 'hon, there are other flavours in your roll of Lifesavers...try them out' xd .

After 20yrs of being in monogamous relationships (I'm 30 now), I just can't see myself going back into a monogamous relationship, knowing that I want to see other guys and gals. My first poly experience was 9 years ago. A friend of mine was going out with this guy that she wasn't too into when she was going out with me. She told him she was seeing me as well. Surprisingly, he was okay with it. So it turned out that we had a 3 person (cuz saying the other three thing is just dirty) exclusive relationship. We were loving it. Then time passed, she moved to another city and me and the other guy were heartbroken. Fast forward to now. The girl I'm with had her first poly experience with a guy that she use to work with, and I with his wife. After they left, we had a great discussion about it; how she felt about it, what it was like for the first time, would she like to do it again, etc.

What I heard about poly partners, I totally agree with. Having the openness to be with whoever you want, really does bring the primary partners together great. Now...there are situations where there are poly connections where each partner goes off with someone else and DOESN"T share. That's fine...sometimes couples find others that each individual doesn't click with. Now, you might be thinking 'GREAT! I can go with someone and not have to worry that I don't have someone to fall back on. NOOO! There's still the communication part. If you think that you might get jealous of your partner going off with someone else, or going to a swinging party with them, whether or not they tell you...then being poly is NOT for you.  

[Gayqueen]

Knowing what works for you is a key part of being happy. If you find people that can do that that is great. I have never tried it. I would be hesitant, because I get sidelined a lot, but you never know. You just gotta see what comes along, right?  

[humble_gypsy_traveller]

Gayqueen

Knowing what works for you is a key part of being happy. If you find people that can do that that is great. I have never tried it. I would be hesitant, because I get sidelined a lot, but you never know. You just gotta see what comes along, right?

I've found...there's a lot of people that THINK they know what they're doing in regards to the poly lifestyle...but a lot of the time they're blind-sided because they didn't think it through enough. Like I pointed out in the first post...I thought I was in a healthy poly relationship...but the communication just wasn't there.  

[Nymphis]

I's neutral on the whole poly thing, I just prefer to be intimate with a singular person.
I get sorta clingy so having multiple people into one relationship would just make me jealous, or paranoid that he would like another more than me.
But eh, whatever makes you happy makes you happy. All the power to you if you can handle poly, it would end me.

 

[xXbelovedXxx]

I was in a poly relationship about 4 years ago. Since I'm gay I'm really open to it since I prefer strictly emotional relationships (even if it is with a male). Anyways, this experience was kinda shakey since my gf at the time started it, and she kinda left me a bit heart broken. Then I ended up finding an additional partner and they ended up getting jealous of each other. It was like I was incapable of giving each person the amount of attention they desired. Thus, it was kind of a dreadful experience.

Now that I'm going to college in a few months I've been thinking about it again since me and my current partner will not be attending the same college. I'm in a perfect emotional relationship with a man who I love a ton.... but I'm thinking at college it would be nice to find a physical relationship.  

[Sin Error]

I was just thinking about this yesterday and i'd love to try it out, but I know my partner would never agree! xD
either way i'd get jelous too as he will.  

[iDERZY]

Never been one myself to do polygamy or anything of that. To me and I'm not religious or anything, I don't agree with it. Not that I get jealous or uncomfortable with taking my fiance to a swing party.

However, as the first person who replied said "knowing what works for you is a key part of being happy". Works for some. Doesn't work for others. As long as everyone is happy, okay with it completely, and have communication, I suppose it's okay. More power to you.  

[Shanna66]

i tried it and i was miserable the entire time. i have no plans to ever give it another try again. there was a good bit of favoritism going on and i just couldnt take it anymore

to people who can make it work, more power to you. im quite happy to only have one partner and to be my partner's only partner. hubby and i are the jealous type whee  

[Quatermass]

Shanna66

i tried it and i was miserable the entire time. i have no plans to ever give it another try again. there was a good bit of favoritism going on and i just couldnt take it anymore

to people who can make it work, more power to you. im quite happy to only have one partner and to be my partner's only partner. hubby and i are the jealous type whee

Indeed. That's what I would be most worried about if I chose to be in such a relationship. Not only that somebody else would be favored over me, but I will neglect one of my partners in favor of others without even consciously doing so.

A romance should be a partnership, where each party gets what they need and what they want from it. Lovers are equals to one another, treated as such. While I have no doubt a polyamorous relationship can work, it's a very difficult one, I imagine, to make work.  

[Chris ex Machina]

I'm not against polygamy, but I feel you would have to be careful with it. To love all your mates equally and not favor one over the others. I feel if that favoring happens, it starts constituting as cheating, instead of polygamy. (I'm kinda ignorant on polygamy, so I'm not sure on that.) I doubt it would be for me, since I'm more of a one-on-one, intimate person.  

[NegaScott_7x7]

More power to you because I couldn't do it. I have enough trouble communicating with one person let alone at least 2. Plus it would make me very insecure or more insecure than I already am. If I dated someone that asked me to get into that I would leave them because I would feel like I wasn't good enough. I don't think its bad though, its just not for me.  

[Blackrose_Knight]

Vocab moment! 3nodding

Polygamy - multi-marriage and illegal in the USA.

Polyamory - multi-love not illegal.

I am poly, I have 3 romantic partners and a sex friend (too casual to be a boyfriend but not casual enough to be a ******** buddy) It works for me. On your general gist list, what if my other partners are straight and don't want to be shared? I sure my hubby does NOT want to have a relationship with my male bodied ******** buddy, nor would he. They are both very straight. Nor would one of my other partners want a relationship with my husband, they have an almost familial bond going on. And I certainly do not wish to have a relationship with my husband's girlfriend, nice girl, not my type. sweatdrop

I totes agree with the have fun thing and your other list points though.

I have been called all sorts of fun names here on Gaia, and here within this guild, slut, whore, greedy, loose, tramp, trash, c** bucket, std ridden filth, cheater, non-committal. I have been told my love is not real. Fun times. neutral

I can say I will never be monogamous again, its a whole paradigm shift. I am happy as I am, the happiest really. Each partner is another part of my support system. They all have my six, I have all theirs. Makes me feel safer.

OP: Have you read any poly literature?  

[lenon01]

I've always wanted to try out polyamory, but then I laugh and remember that I don't even have the social skills necessary to start even a single romantic relationship.
dramallama  

[castrillo]

I couldn't even do an open relationship, not to mention a poly one.