She was afraid again.
Nullpunkt had no prophetic visions; she wasn't a seer, nor did she lapse recently, but the changes in pridal structure made her uneasy. Uncomfortable. The throbbing voice in the dark lioness' ear reminded her of the monster deep beneath, a violent, hate-filled beast always trying to claw to the surface, a rage seeking to make permanent home in the forefront of her mind, and destroy her entirely.
She was, she supposed, no better than the demons the Mwako spoke of before diffusion.
She heard the whispers like some vast horror-terror, a beast hungering, writhing, calling for her mind. Disconcerting.
It was why she remained alone, and the female shifted, curling slightly to accomodate how small fear was making her.
It whispered again, that haunting voice, and the female snarled, swiping air with a paw, snarling as angrily as possible.
After a moment was silence and Nullpunkt rolled on her back to stare at the stars in silence, tail swaying.
Demons. That goddess seemed inclined to them. That red, gold, black terror...
She kind of reminded her of Tanwen really-- was she an ascended child of Moto? Ugh, how she wished she'd thought to ask.
A twig snapped making a sudden sound and the guard flipped to her paws, tensed, claws flexing before a small ball of brown, blue, and lavender fluff rolled from hiding. She looked so much like her mother, without the set of wings marking them as descended from a god. The chocolate was new. So were green eyes. The cub and female stared in mutual surprise a long moment before a second ball tumbled after, all askew in -- black or brown? -- blue and purple and green, and Nullpunkt tensed considerably as the tinier cub flipped to her paws, shaking herself before batting the larger.
"Kabi! Mama says we're not supposed to go too far from Taka or Papa or anyone!" She scolded firmly, the bigger cub's ears pinning back.
"Sorry Noh..." As if on cue, she huddled under Nullpunkt a moment before looking up, and moving out. Kabi, was she. Null's ear flicked.
"Kabi? Short for Kabichi?" She tilted her head. Kabi blinked, wide green eyes confused.
"Iunno. Papa just named me Kabi, like after my Great Gramma."
Nullpunkt's heart skipped, the female blinking.
"Kabichi was my mother's name."
Kabi blinked, starting to smile before the tinier cub huffed, trying visibly not to groom.
"Well you should kneel or I'll make you a slave." As if proud of this, the cub flashed a smile. Nullpunkt raised a brow, and stood straight. She made no move to harm the cub, nor did she attack, and the female simply flashed a sharp smile and flexed her claws. It served as warning enough, and the cub stood down, blinking.
She still had much to learn, it seemed, and Nullpunkt pet her lightly, earning a growl as dirt wiped on her paw, exposing white fur.
Well now.
The cub cringed immediately, Kabi giggling.
"Noh'vah's been rolling in diiiirt, Noh'vah's been rolling in diiiirt...."
"Why were you rolling in dirt, kid." Nullpunkt raised a brow idly, and the cub opened her mouth to answer when another came into the small clearing, Nullpunkt mentally noting she wasn't getting peace. Ever. Still, upon seeing who it was, she felt her heart lift, beaming.
"Kohrisu?"
The blue male raised his head, smiling immediately seeing his aunt, the cubs bounding, snuggling their father's legs. Kohrisu smiled softly.
"You have a lady?"
Kohrisu seemed shy, smiling and grooming his cubs gently, fussing at the petulant cries of Noh'Vah as he nosed her towards a closeby stream to wash muck off.
"It's complicated. Is...."
"Shupavu? He was run off." Nullpunkt's tone changed-- all of her changed. Although a ghost, the female did know of her uncle's trespasses, and disagreed vehemently. On some level, she'd prepared to act herself, but others did so for her, even if it brought change. Kohrisu looked surprised, but smiled softly.
"How's father?"
"Mel? He's still himself. You're missed, of course."
Of course, the family still grieved Mioyo. Still grieved Kabichi, and other lost kin. They grieved daily. Kohrisu sighed, shaking his mane.
"I wish I could say I was coming home. But... She needs me."
Nullpunkt nodded slowly, looking up.
"That's fine. I've... Fancied leaving myself."
"Oh?"
"Yes."
Nullpunkt rose, looking away.
"My cubs are grown, most gone. The monster in me is getting louder again... And... I don't know I won't snap."
"The blood-hungry voice?" Koh spoke quietly. "It has a voice now...?"
Nullpunkt nodded, looking quiet, and Koh rubbed her gently.
"Maybe you need time away to find yourself."
"Maybe. I heard it described as a demon but... I don't know..." She sighed. Koh nodded, quietly.
"Like I said. Maybe roam a bit. Find yourself." He smiled. Null blinked, looking to the cubs. Kabi smiled slightly, Noh curling to groom herself calmly, indignant.
She missed the small paws and faces...
"Maybe...."
Koh smiled.
"Isolating doesn't help you at all. Maybe there's someone out there. You never know." He smiled still, nuzzling the cubs at his feet. "And I can at least help you find a start."
Silence. Nullpunkt looked down at her paws, shaking.
"I might harm someone."
"You might not, too." Koh noted. "How do you know without searching?" He noted, looking outward.
Away from the pride. Into the roguelands.
"Someone could be waiting and you'd never know, someone who loves you."
"Nobody can love me." Nullpunkt shook her head, mind rolling back to her youth, to fighting the piebald lioness. "I'm a monster."
"You never know, though. Not without trying." Koh nosed her. A moment, a flash, the beast screaming. Nullpunkt repressed it.
"I guess..." She looked to the cubs again, Kabi smiling hopefully, Noh looking away in disdain, then to Koh. He never lost that kind smile, even as his smallest huddled in his legs, and she sighed.
"I'll try. No promises."
He smiled, nodding.
"No promises."
Both looked up, the sun hanging heavy in the sky, and rose, shaking.
"I should see them to home. Ri will be worried." Calmly, he lifted his smallet, Kabi dancing about her father's legs as he strode away, Noh carried in indignant silence, and Nullpunkt watched, turning to look away, sitting.
Someone?
Give a damn about her?
Unlikely.
Impossible.
Nullpunkt lay down again-- day, night, she never tracked them anymore, eyes heavy as she fell asleep.
But maybe tomorrow she would begin her journey, and she drifted to sleep.
