A little depression that goes...

[Pompette]

...on and off. Once again, I am sort of depressed. My mind has forgotten the concept of being transgendered, however my needs never change. In the internet I am identified to everyone as male, and that's when I feel like myself. But in realife it's just another person. Today's mother's day, I'm suppose to dress up as the "girl" I supposedly am, and it puts me in a bit depression because I wouldn't have to go through any of this if I was a boy. I would greet myself to my mothers friends as a boy, I mean just thinking about it puts me slightly depressed. Wonder when my time will come to finally come out of the closet...

Sometimes, everything just seems unbelievable. My strong desires to be a boy...the fact that I was born a girl, too. My feelings grow stronger and natural as time slowly goes by. Sometimes, I tell myself "Oh who am I kidding? I'll never be a boy." ...The way I look seems so unbelievable that I am. It just puts me down when I think it through...  

[lgtenos]

I'm not going to beat around the bush and blindly say "I know how you feel," because I honestly don't. I've never experienced the transgendered lifestyle, so I can't give you insight on how to deal with that aspect of your life.

However, I will say that you are placing too much emphasis on how others see you. You said that you are supposed to dress up as a "girl" because it's Mother's Day... ... ... I seriously don't see the connection there - I don't see how this particular day [or any other day] constitutes that you are required to present yourself in a predetermined fashion. This is your life and it's only what you make of it. If you want to mull around and wonder why the world sucks, by all means~ But I'm here to tell you that the world doesn't suck. It's actually quite a beautiful place. You simply have to let go and/or deal with all of the stress, muck, and bull that comes along for the ride, and just let your hair blow in the breeze.

What I'm trying to say is... Be yourself without any consideration of the opinions of others. It works wonders and things will begin to fall into place, even without you realizing it. I promise.  

[Pompette]

lgtenos

I'm not going to beat around the bush and blindly say "I know how you feel," because I honestly don't. I've never experienced the transgendered lifestyle, so I can't give you insight on how to deal with that aspect of your life.

However, I will say that you are placing too much emphasis on how others see you. You said that you are supposed to dress up as a "girl" because it's Mother's Day... ... ... I seriously don't see the connection there - I don't see how this particular day [or any other day] constitutes that you are required to present yourself in a predetermined fashion. This is your life and it's only what you make of it. If you want to mull around and wonder why the world sucks, by all means~ But I'm here to tell you that the world doesn't suck. It's actually quite a beautiful place. You simply have to let go and/or deal with all of the stress, muck, and bull that comes along for the ride, and just let your hair blow in the breeze.

What I'm trying to say is... Be yourself without any consideration of the opinions of others. It works wonders and things will begin to fall into place, even without you realizing it. I promise.

Luckily for me, I don't need to anymore. I didn't go out. Mom just wants me to be her stupid doll. I'm a teenager so of course parents are still there for us.  

[Saint Sims]

In all honesty you just need to embrace yourself. This "depression" is probably more so anxiety that you are placing on yourself by feeling the need to be someone else for the sake of others.

If you see yourself as a boy then make no exceptions and BE a boy. Genitals don't define a person, nor does how one make themselves look. It's a mindset. If you believe wholeheartedly that you are a boy, then you're a boy! The way other people see you is inconsequential and a temporary thing.

Don't let how you were born and what others want you to be inhibit who you see yourself as. It's all a lot easier said than done but once you say "******** it" and be the person you want, well that'll be the time you feel most pleased with yourself.

Rhetorical question but have you explained yourself to your parents? If they understand your position, and regardless of whether or not they accept it, they should, at very least, understand your choices.

Just know, that we, ourselves, are often both the problem and the solution.  

[The Bodacious Soul Reaper]

Remember you are not alone out there, many people believe they aren't themselves. As it may be depressing to not truly be yourself, and you are worried about coming out the closet, that will build up with a lot of stress, depression, or both.
You need to show the world who you are, and whatever time is the best time, you should come out. But don't say "I'll never" or "I won't" you don't know what the future has in store. Just try and gradually come out, come out to people you know will support you. To build that support barrier sort of thing, before you come out to your parents.
Second, you can do so many things with your life. Enjoy with what you have, as in the future you can change it. As I agree with the person above, genital don't define a person. In the future you can get a chest surgery, but that is all up to you. You are you no matter what~ You don't have to pretend to be the girl anyone wants you to be. Simply be yourself~
I hope you feel better soon ^_^

 

[tea_and_silver]

iShotElmo8D

[...]Today's mother's day, I'm suppose to dress up as the "girl" I supposedly am, and it puts me in a bit depression because I wouldn't have to go through any of this if I was a boy.[...]

oh, dear. sweetie, the first step is to stop using that language! you are a boy. you're just a girly-looking boy, and now you have to accept and work around that.

i am also transgender, ftm. i have not come out to my family, nor to many of my closest friends. my parents and brothers still see me as female in all aspects, to the point where i'm getting dresses as presents.
there was a point where i similarly went through what i now recognise as fairly severe depression, trying to figure out what was wrong with me that i felt this way; fortunately i've gotten over that now and realise there's nothing wrong with being myself!

i am in college. i've worked things out well enough that i can pass or not as necessary. i still have long hair, and when i go to meet family i have to wear girls' or unisex clothing, but i've done a lot of research into the different things that make someone percieve you as female or male, and i've gotten pretty good at pulling off what i need to pull off. it mostly takes time and practise. there are tons of resources to help with this. you can also pm me if you feel this is something you need help looking into (;

come out when you feel ready. please don't feel as though you're being pressured. there is no rush, it's simply a matter of when you feel comfortable sharing this part of yourself with your loved ones.
in the meantime, i suggest practising passing as male when you can, and purchasing clothing from the girls' section (only to appease your mother, mind) that can be taken as less feminine or unisex.
when you need to dress up, try a simple dress shirt like that one and slacks. if you have to, you can go for a coloured shirt, or add a simple pair of flats and deal with hating your girly-looking feet.
it made me feel better when i started looking at guys' fashions over the centuries. there have been periods when it was considered manly to wear pink, lace, frills, and even skirts or dress-looking tunics.

tl;dr: long post is long. confidence matters. do your best to stay true to the kind of guy you are on the inside, and take little steps whenever you can toward showing everyone who you are from the outside. it takes time, but it'll fall into place.