[PRP] What Was (N'Seka and Galonii)

[Kimaria]

The lion tried not to dwell on what was. Tried to forget the hardships of his life; cast them aside so that he could focus on his responsibilities as a Priest of Pestilence. It was an honoured duty, after all, and if he couldn't keep his mind focused, then what use was he to anyone?

Except the days seemed to grow darker with each passing moment and sometimes he wished the disease in his body would just hurry up and take him. Death was a release, was it not? A gift? A blessing? So why did his goddess taunt him by keeping him alive when so many others he had known were already gone. Did he not deserve peace and if not, then why not? There had to have been a reason. Had to be some way to figure out where he was going wrong.

So yes, whilst Galonii tried not to think of 'what was', some days it just couldn't be helped.

"I have not earned it." He muttered, pausing to cough and draw in wheezing breath.  

[Annchen]

N'Seka was still finding his feet as a priest. He had been accepted by the High Priestess and was doing his best to learn the various ceremonies and rituals he was supposed to be able to assist in. For now it seemed to be a lot about fetching things and holding other things and learning simple chants and prayers. It was overwhelming some days, and hard not to lose track of the Goddess in the middle of it all. He hoped it would all come to him with time and practice, so he tried to be as helpful as he could and not overthink it.

It was a good thing he had others to help him and guide him. He didn't hear what Galonii said as he approached him, but he did hear that cough. Many of the priests and priestesses were marked by Pestilence in some way.

"Good morning," he greeted the other lion, "Can I help you with anything today?"

He fidgeted a little, and might come across as a bit anxious. N'Seka truly wanted, no, needed to be helpful. Spiritual matters didn't depend on strength and stamina. (or he would have been utterly worthless at it)  

[Kimaria]

He looked up at the sound of a voice, recognising the markings of the lion even if he didn't know the other's name. Galonii's rather secluded life meant that he tended to watch from a distance and not get too involved. It was better that way. Less lions to grieve. It made his job easier.

"Morning." He replied gruffly - though that was mainly due to the coughing. "There's no one who can help me. No one except our beloved Lady Pestilence."

He paused a moment before continuing, daring to ask. "Are you one of the new Priests, blessed by the High Priestess? I heard we had some new members to welcome." He had heard that much at least.

"My name is Galonii, Priest of Pestilence."  

[Annchen]

N'Seka hesitated for a heartbeat, but then nodded. It was true that the great lady was the only hope they had. They had to live to please her, and accept what she decided to burden them with. It had to have a meaning, but he had started to understand that the meaning wasn't always easy to see. The answer wasn't very helpful in figuring out what tasks he could help with today, however, and N'Seka wondered if he should leave the other alone.

"Yes," he answered, "I am one of the new priests. N'Seka Priest of Pestilence, it's a pleasure to meet you Galonii."

He shuffled his feet, wondering if the other priest wanted to worship in peace.  

[Kimaria]

"Then I shall welcome you, brother." And for a long moment that was all he said, his solemn gaze unfocused as he stared back out into the brown gloom of the day. The land, itself, seemed as if it were suffering. Perhaps it was something to do with the dead bodies that so frequently laid to rest upon it.

Then, after a length of time, he turned back to look at the lion and stood, his joints creaking. "Ours is an honoured duty, but perhaps the most difficult. Our path is not an easy one to walk but you have chosen it and chosen well. We both know that death is not the end and we help that passing with our prayers."

His eyes drifted again. "I wonder, why did you want to choose the life of Priesthood?"  

[Annchen]

N'Seka bowed his head as the older priest welcomed him. He fidgeted a bit in the silence that followed, unsure what to say. He still wondered if he was imposing, but he couldn't think of a polite way to leave. He'd just have to trust Galonii to tell him if he was interrupting anything. And resist the urge to babble to fill the silence... After some time he was able to relax into the silence, and then the other lion spoke again. It was his turn to fall silent after that question. There were many reasons, but N'Seka had never put words on them.

"I guess," he started and then paused again, "It's hard to describe the calling. I had plans as a kitling, but Pestilence reminded me that we can not predict the future."

He used to have lots of plans and dreams, but with the return of the calling from Pestilence those dreams had to change. It was something he had to learn, but it left a bitter aftertaste. Much like the healers' herbs.

"I learned that the healers can give false hope," he said, voicing something he felt deeply but had never really talked about before, "I want to devote myself to Pestilence to offer real hope."  

[Kimaria]

"False hope." Galonii replied, his face and voice ever solemn. He turned to regard the younger, his bloodshot eyes looking weary. "Healers have their uses but it is very limited. Our sickness can never be cured and even if they found a way, our Lady Pestilence would certainly bless us with another."

He looked back out again and sighed sharply, his ribs seeming to contract. "Have you known death, N'seka? True death, I mean. The death of a loved one. The death of someone you cared for more than others. A family member, perhaps. Or a dear friend?" He paused again and his head lowered. "Death is a blessing. In death there is hope. I yearn for it, but I still have time left on this world to devote to our Lady. I have known the pain of loss and becoming a priest is the only hope I have."

He turned back to look at him. "You have chosen your life wisely, though I cannot say you will be happy. Sometimes I resent the dead. For them, the pain is gone."  

[Annchen]

"The pain..." N'Seka said and trailed off, "The pain tells me that our lady Pestilence is with me."

He hadn't answered the question about death yet. Bodily pain and the pain of loss... What was worse? He knew that his friend Ruko was in a better place now, and he was deeply awed that a lion only a tiny bit older than him had left cubs behind, cubs that were sired by Ruko with lady Pestilence as a mother. It was strange and wonderful. A small part of Ruko was still here in his children, and as if to emphasize that Pestilence took him early since he was a favoured child she had be the one to bear his cubs. It blew his mind every time he thought about it.

"I have seen death in friends," he said, "I don't know if the pain is the same as when family dies. But I think he is happy where he is now. You must have heard about Ruko'yauwaso?"

There had been quite the commotion after all... Pestilence leaving cubs in the pride!  

[Kimaria]

"She always will be. She always will be. And for that we can be grateful. She will grant us sweet release from these bodies someday. It is something to look forward to." And all that he looked forward to now. All he had once loved had been taken from him and he was too tired to get close enough to anyone only for it to happen again. He had chosen solitude and that suited him well - or so he liked to think.

"Friends and family. Much the same, I think. I knew my friends longer than my family so perhaps the pain was worse." He snorted, annoyed at himself for giving that detail away. "I knew Ruko'yauwaso. He was looked down upon with great love and affection from our Lady. That I know. He is at peace." He had also fathered children before his death, too. More than what could be said of Galonii.

The brown lion shook out his mane and cast his solemn eyes up to the sky. "I was about to recite a prayer. You are welcome to join me."  

[Annchen]

There was a strange sadness about the older Priest, and N'Seka supposed he must have good reason for it. Being a fairly young adult, he hadn't lost many loved ones, not yet. He knew that he would meet them again when the Goddess decided to call him, and that was all the comfort he needed most days. She was there for them, and she would never let them forget that.

"I would love to join you," he said quietly, touched by the offer, "Thank you."

He cleared his throat once, and then let the older priest lead the prayer. His heart felt too large for his chest, filled with joy and sorrow. They were doing their part, two priests offering their thanks and their prayers to Lady Pestilence. Knowing that she would watch over them, always.

-end-