Got to stop being so jealous... But how?

[Sini X]

So I kind of went on a date with that dude that I was stressing about earlier...
We had a lot of fun, and like I said, he's really cute and smart (studies philosophy), and really geeky, he kind of got me into Minecraft. He's just generally really nice and cute. I call him colt (you know colt as in a baby horse). And we're different enough to keep things interesting, kind of like velcro has two different surfaces.

So, we've had awesome time (and I have to flaunt, awesome sex) together and he has introduced me to his friends and I like them and they seem to like me, which is good. They are all "So, are you guys going out or something?"

And this is where the problems come... We haven't agreed on anything yet. And because we haven't agreed on anything he thinks we're not commited to each other. I understand his logic, the thing is just that I'm not comfortable with it, at all. I'm afraid that he'll meet someone else (we live in different cities) and just leave me.
I don't want to pressure him into anything, but I have really hard time enjoying this so called freedom and also think that he has the same right. I mean it's not that I'd want it to be onesided so that only I could enjoy it. I'm just afraid that he'll meet someone more interesting.


yum_cupcake  

[Undecidability]

I typed up a response and then forgot about it and left the page. emotion_donotwant

ANYWAY. I understand why you're worried and I would probably feel the same way. Maybe next time you see him, you should talk to him about how you feel. You could ask him about when he'd be ready to commit to you, and if he seems hesitant about the idea, maybe ask him why? Don't make it sound like you don't trust him or you're accusing him of something, just explain that you're more comfortable in a committed relationship than a casual one.  

[paper giraffes]

The worry about if someone is gonna find someone else will always be there, commitment or not. Sometimes you don't have to put a label on it. My boyfriend and I weren't "official" for the longest time.  

[Streetlight Fights]

Just be like, "I know we're not officially together and all, but if you get with someone else I won't want to see you anymore..."  

[Morde]

As a rule I never have sex with someone unless we've decided if it's going to be a one time thing or a casual sex relationship. But you had sex, which complicates things because it was awesome.

Are you open to a open relationship or something on the poly side of things? If you aren't then you need to explain to him that you really like him and you'd like to try a relationship or exclusive dating or whatever out.

If poly sounds like something that'd work for you set ground rules, like how he should tell you if he has sex with someone else. My fwb and I tell each other when we have new partners to keep things safe and so we're both on the same page. And if we feel jealous for any reason we talk about it asap. Jealousy happens but how you deal with it is the most important thing to any relationship imo.  

[Sini X]

I'm not into polyamory at all, since I'd just get all "There must be something in that other person that he can't get from me" and it would make me miserable.
I think part of it is that he has only been in a relationship once before, and before that he thought for years that he's asexual. So I guess partly it's just 'cause it's kind of new to him. And atleast he doesn't seem like he'd have some sort of commitment phobia... Might just be my OCD-ish need to have clear and simple relationships (which will never be possible unless I turn into a cyborg or something)...


yum_cupcake  

[Morde]

That's what I like about polyamory. But it's not for everyone.

I'd concentrate more on you. If he isn't willing to committ what are you going to do, how would you feel, what can you do to make it easier. It doesn't really matter if he's never been in a relationship or whatever. What matters ultimately is you.

 

[captain buttcheeks]

i feel that the main reason why i'm terrified of relationships is because i don't want the guy to see how jealous i am. i've got a bad case of it :/ i understand your frustration. <3

i think right now you two are just in that period where you're not boyfriend and girlfriend, but you're still "john and mary" (or whatever the ******** your names are). i think this is one of those things where time is the only ingredient you need to get what you want.  

[Dyer Maker]

cat_scream CAT FIGHT cat_scream



emotion_awesome sorry it's what came to mind when I read the title for some reason  

[Vitamin Crack]

I wasn't 'official' for a few weeks after I slept with my boyfriend. But during those weeks, we kept seeing each other, we kept sleeping together...
Then one day he just introduced me to his friend as his girlfriend and I was like "Oh is that what we are now?" and we had a brief conversation about it. And later that day I turned down drinks at the bar because I 'had a boyfriend' (trust me that's a big commitment for me xD).

Honestly I think it's just a matter of time. If you keep hanging out, if you keep spending time together, it'll click that you guys are together. If you're that worried about it, just tell him that you hope that you guys are going somewhere.  

[Bad Advice Cow]

Push him really hard for an answer, daily if you have to. Text him constantly, show up unannounced at places he would not expect you to be, send him long letters detailing your expectations and most of all, don't be afraid to show him that jealous streak. It shows him how much you care, and how far you will go for him.  

[Morde]

Also I know you're not down with polyamory at all but I'd check out The Ethical Slut. There is a really amazing chapter in it on jealousy and how to deal with it and it was very helpful for me. I'd honestly suggest it to all couples ever.