I keep having suicidal thoughts..?

[Jacey says hello]

sad i have been in therapy before, also take medication to help.. but i honestly.. just i just feel so alone all the time and ashamed of everything.. can i get some advice?
p.s i have been suicidal before...  

[Shilberu Erikku]

So, what is the problem exactly?  

[Jacey says hello]

i am a perfectionist. about myself, and my family. I am also alittle obcessive.. about how i think and stuff.. i just feel totaly insecure  

[Rin Loveless]

I just got over a suicidal stage myself--I was too nervous to use a razor, but all I could think about was how to hurt myself--being careless, scraping myself, cutting myself, burning myself, and jumping off of high places. Even when I dreamed, I had violent dreams where I did sadistic things to other people.

I didn't let anyone see and I wore a wristband even at night to hide it, but I would take my straightening iron to my wrist; when I wasn't satisfied with the burn mark, I scratched through with my nails until it was bleeding pretty heavily. I went into a small state of depression and my mom, who couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, even considered taking me to a doctor. During this time, my friend who caused this was and still is too much of coward to try and find out what the problem is.

I got through it though, because was determined not to let it get to me--I forced myself to think of everyone that I had instead that loved me and would be sad if I was gone. I thought about my dreams and everything that I want to achieve in my life. I thought about what wonderful person I would share the rest of my life with; I just haven't met them yet. I convinced myself that I could definitely overcome this funk--I had the strength to do so. I focused all of my energy on that and started a notebook soley to list how to survive being an LGBT youth.

No matter what, always remember that you have too much to live for to throw away. It gets better. It really does, even if it doesn't seem like it. You don't belong only to yourself, you know...everyone is connected to somebody. I doubt there's one person in this world who belongs only to themselves. Through the course of someone’s life, they meet people and at each encounter a little piece of them is stolen away. Threads and strings tie people together, and one can only hope that theirs isn’t the one that breaks.

I've coped with these techniques:

*Start a survival notebook
*Find friends who support me, in real life or on forums like this
*Write a lesbian novel with characters expressing my hardships
*Listening to songs like the ones below
*Reading shoujo ai manga like BLUE FRIEND or Girlfriends
*Getting myself a tiny African violet to keep in my room--it's a flower, but it's all mine and I can love it all I want ^-^

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0iEj7alzAI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7uoC-YTQy8&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1xdaZbu-Tk
It Gets Better  

[Shilberu Erikku]

Whatever prolems you're in remember that your problems are only temporary, while suicide is permanent.  

[Rin Loveless]

Shilberu Erikku

Whatever prolems you're in remember that your problems are only temporary, while suicide is permanent.

That's right--you shouldn't contradict yourself. Think about which you want carefully, life or death, and remember that only one is permanent.