Coming out: the aftershocks; help! [[ Lengthy. :c ]]

[eat more happy]

Helloooo...uhm, I figure I should introduce myself before I express my thoughts. My name is Nana, and contrary to my avatar I'm actually a girl, lmao.
blaugh

*Read the bold parts if it's too long for you*

I officially came out a few months ago. Keep in mind that I came out preparing for fire, but I didn't expect to be facing people with flame throwers. Now I'm not sure how I feel about coming out anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm sooo happy I did it and it feels like a weight has been lifted it's just kind of hard, I guess. When the people you love the most verbally lash at you with burning tongues like whips.

The good news was my friends took it really well. The bad news was my family didn't. Well, they did...but it's what they're doing now that upsets me.
Basically my mother had a hard time accepting the fact that her only daughter, whom she was expecting to marry off to a handsome, educated, wealthy young man, was actually looking for a Cinderella, not a Prince charming. She tells me that I shouldn't talk about my sexuality (which I'm okay with cause I'd much rather have her being honest with me than not) because she doesn't believe me. She doesn't want to believe me.

My father seemed to be a little understanding about it, however he started talking behind my back days after I came out to him. I confronted him though, but..I'm not sure where we stand now.

My brothers constantly tell me I'm going through a phase and that I'm lying to myself, and when they say those things to me...it irks me out a little bit.

I appreciate their honesty, but at times it feels like it's tearing me apart.

A few days ago I blurted out an opinion regarding my relationship with my girlfriend at work, and everyone was like "What? You're gay?!" to which I nodded my head. After work, my older brother came up to me and told me that I embarrassed him.
I told him I didn't "give a ********" but honestly, in that moment I felt a sting of pain in my heart.

I have no problem what-so-ever with strangers and coming out to them, because quite frankly I don't really care what they have to think of me; it's the people I care so much about that are hurting me the most. The people I've grown up with and would like to grow up with in the future.

Part of me wants to let go of them and just focus on myself, and the other part wants so bad that they at least respect my feelings if they don't want to accept me for who I am as an individual.

I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think. I'm exhausted and scared. I don't want to lose my family, but I don't know how to express that to them without thinking I'm some kind of lost cause..

I don't normally ask for help, but this is something that's really new to me and I really need advice. How did you guys cope with coming out and the newness of it all?

Blah. @_@;

Feel free to express whatever you'd like; anything goes.

 

[Atrum_Anima]

So far, I haven't come out to everyone: only my trustworthy friends and anyone on Facebook who pays attention enough to see my "Interested in" info. My friends that I told are fine with it, but I knew they would be, so I'm really impressed that you were able to come out to those that weren't guaranteed to be supportive. For me, even coming out to my best friends was incredibly difficult.

Anyway, I hope that your situation gets better and that your family tries to be more understanding.  

[lgtenos]

I understand that family is an important part for anyone.

@ Mother: Mothers usually take it the hardest (not to seem like a womanizer, but women are indeed more attached to emotions then men). She doesn't have to accept or believe that you're gay. However, she has no moral right to perceive it as a negative, especially since you're her daughter.

@ Father: Ignore him. On the contrary to mothers, fathers tend to be passive when it comes to sensitive topics. They like to avoid confrontation. It takes a while for men to realize their actions, so give your father some space. When he tries to connect with you, always reaffirm that you are still his daugther. However, if the topic does arise, try to stray from pointing fingers.

@ Brothers: Assure them that it's NOT a phase. Sexuality is NOT something acquired through social interactions. Sexuality is NOT a sickness or disease. Sexuality is just sexuality - how you are sexually/romantically attracted to other individuals. The next time they snap at you for being in a phase, ask them: "When did you fill out your application for being straight? Because I don't remember filling one out for being gay." As for the embarrassment... Ignore that too.

Bottom-line: give your family some time. Coming out is hard for any individual, but is especially hard for family (particularly those with conservative attitudes/beliefs/values; not to say your family is conservative) to comprehend. Since you came out just a few months ago, you can't expect them to be 100% supportive. Still go around doing your daily business as you normally would. You'll start to see things die down, and your sexuality will become so mainstream that your family will care less about your love interests.

Also, remember that your friends are still a great support system. Rely on your friends as much as you possibly can [without seeming like a total leech]. If times within your family escalate to something far less than positive, don't be afraid to call on your friends.

Lastly: NEVER forget who you are. This is what will truly make you happy.

Best Wishes.  

[iLegoBlock]

lgtenos

I understand that family is an important part for anyone.

@ Mother: Mothers usually take it the hardest (not to seem like a womanizer, but women are indeed more attached to emotions then men). She doesn't have to accept or believe that you're gay. However, she has no moral right to perceive it as a negative, especially since you're her daughter.

@ Father: Ignore him. On the contrary to mothers, fathers tend to be passive when it comes to sensitive topics. They like to avoid confrontation. It takes a while for men to realize their actions, so give your father some space. When he tries to connect with you, always reaffirm that you are still his daugther. However, if the topic does arise, try to stray from pointing fingers.

@ Brothers: Assure them that it's NOT a phase. Sexuality is NOT something acquired through social interactions. Sexuality is NOT a sickness or disease. Sexuality is just sexuality - how you are sexually/romantically attracted to other individuals. The next time they snap at you for being in a phase, ask them: "When did you fill out your application for being straight? Because I don't remember filling one out for being gay." As for the embarrassment... Ignore that too.

Bottom-line: give your family some time. Coming out is hard for any individual, but is especially hard for family (particularly those with conservative attitudes/beliefs/values; not to say your family is conservative) to comprehend. Since you came out just a few months ago, you can't expect them to be 100% supportive. Still go around doing your daily business as you normally would. You'll start to see things die down, and your sexuality will become so mainstream that your family will care less about your love interests.

Also, remember that your friends are still a great support system. Rely on your friends as much as you possibly can [without seeming like a total leech]. If times within your family escalate to something far less than positive, don't be afraid to call on your friends.

Lastly: NEVER forget who you are. This is what will truly make you happy.

Best Wishes.

Nothing better to say than this.
Igtenos, your advice is all this forum needs