KeJoRo's FMD's

[KeJoRo]

For those of you who don't know, FMD stands for "******** me, Doris!"

Basically, an FMD is a story that makes you go "Wow! You'll never guess what I saw/read/heard today!" to the nearest person.

In my otherwise boring uni module, media law, I will be hearing of a new FMD every week. Due to the sheer bizarre nature of the first one I heard, I'll be sharing them with you here.

Feel free to comment and stuff.

Warning. These are all true stories, some of which may be unsuitable for those sensitive to violence or depravity. Read at your own risk.  

[KeJoRo]

Case one - Mabel Leyshon, whose heart was eaten.



Mabel Leyshon, 90 year-old widow from Llanfairpwll, North Wales, was a typical, sweet old lady, known throughout the small village community.

One otherwise normal day, a troubled teenager mistakenly believed she was a vampire. He broke into her home, waited for her to return, after which he brutally murdered her, cut out her heart, cooked it on an open fire and ate it. He done this with the sole belief that by doing so, he would become a vampire himself, thus living forever.

Before the killer was discovered, a newspaper made a massive deal of the whole thing, posting the very same image I have done on a newspaper with the headline "Find Mabel's Killer".

The local vicar believed all the coverage was offensive and sickening. He contacted the newspaper in complaint, claiming it was too distressing for the community and demanded the newspaper cease all coverage.

He agreed to come into the newsroom for a meeting.

In the meeting, the editor of the newspaper argued with him, saying, "Do you not think journalists have feelings? Do you not believe we may get distressed by such occurrances? During the Lockerby bombings case, who was the one group of people who were not offered councilling? The journalists and yet, we still had to report on. Jounalists have feelings too."

The vicar, apologetic and distraught, admitted he had not thought of it in that way and agreed that perhaps he may have been over-reacting.

However, as he stood to leave, his eyes wandered over to the sports section.

Many of the sports reporters had opted to cut out the image of Mabel's face from the newspaper and were now working while wearing what could only be described as "Mabel masks".  

[melona-pan]

'a troubled teenager mistakenly believed she was a vampire.'

what  

[Sonkurra-Taichou]

m e a m e a a

'a troubled teenager mistakenly believed she was a vampire.'

what

I'm more worried about if this is true or not.
To kill someone
Cut out their heart
Cook it
And EAT it....

THIS CHILD IS ******** UP IN THE HEAD.

'Sides everyone knows you just get her to bite you. talk2hand  

[KeJoRo]

Sonkurra-Taichou

m e a m e a a

'a troubled teenager mistakenly believed she was a vampire.'

what

I'm more worried about if this is true or not.
To kill someone
Cut out their heart
Cook it
And EAT it....

THIS CHILD IS ******** UP IN THE HEAD.

'Sides everyone knows you just get her to bite you. talk2hand

Yes, it's true. My lecturer was on shift when this was going on. He believed in the "get her to bite you" side of it, but he knew it would be impossible to "get her to admit" she was a vampire and so opted for a more direct route.  

[Nymphiedora]

Well ******** me, Doris! Thats crazy! Did Mabel sparkle in the sun or something? I have to make sure not to have vampiristic tendencies from now on, just in case.

 

[KeJoRo]

I have no idea, the lecturer didn't tell us why he thought she was a vampire confused

But, after searching for it on the internet, I found that he suspected a young girl from the same village to be a vampire and begged her to bite him. She refused and so maybe that's why he decided not to try and get Mabel to bite him?  

[KeJoRo]

Case two - Taking and Driving Away

Taking and Driving Away, TWOCing (Taken Without the Owner's Consent) or joyriding, whatever you want to call it, it was not an interesting news story back when my lecturer was a young reporter. It just happened all the time. My lecturer was (in his own words) dozing on the press bench, when he heard the word "ambulance" being mentioned. He, naturally, instantly pricked up and took note.

Apparently, what happened was the young lad had recently been dumped by his girlfriend because he did not have a good job. He had a "genius scheme" to win her back however. He decided to break into an ambulance, start its engine and drive around the city in it, with the hopes that she would see him and think he had just getten a really good job and so would take him back.

He crashed into a line of parked cars shortly after starting the engine.

In short, boy gets girl, boy loses girl. Boy gets ambulance, boy loses liberty.